Tylas, i started reading that thread but lost the plot! haha right now, I'm having a VERY hard time with the concept that 'i' (H.) may be something different than what i am... I'm not sure i actively 'believe' in all this stuff about there being a hidden child part who is the 'real' me... as far as i know, that IS me! I AM that person! I'm just not a little! i know i know, it's probably all just me sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich, but honestly, whats the point in questioning everything I've been told by all the insiders??
hehehe yeah, guided relaxation tapes are always good... so is the warning to take a deep breath before reading some ground breaking new info like that! so thanks! hehe
sigh... i'm just not quite sure i'm ready to be digging into the deeper meanings of all this stuff, it's doing my head in! But it's like an addiction at the same time, i'm so thristy for new knowledge and trying to control(?) or have some sort of grasp on my system and its lay out but its so mind blowing and making me kinda uncomfortable to think about the possibilities that i may just be a part of the system and not the 'true' H... Does that make sense or am i talking cr@p? haha
Thanks for the link Tylas, i will definitely read it another day (bookmarking it now hehe) when i'm feeling less vulnerable and more in control...
p.s The SO is virulently telling me that theres absolutely NO way Lilly is another ANP and that i am the ONLY ANP.... i asked what hes got against it all (especially when he doesn't really know what the hell an ANP is!- other than the very basics Ive told him) and he responded by telling me hes scarfed that i'm just an alter and that all this makes it so much more 'real'! I commended him for his honesty and laughed saying "don't you think i have the exact same fears!?" haha
Needless to say, we left the convo right there because he doesnt want to talk about it anymore and will simply not accept that there may well be more than me as the ANP... its all too much for us both at this point... so i'm leaving well enough alone for the time being, i mean it's all just labels anyways... i know who i am (i think

) and i know who the others are and some of why they're there so i spose thats all that matters at this point...
Thanks for all the help though, i will still be checking back to see what else you can uncover! hehe
Good luck figuring it all out too, it seems exceedingnly hard, like a puzzle with some invisible peices making a picture you've never seen before.... or is it just me being overly discouraged? lol
H.