Is Integration The Best Outcome for DID?

From what I've read, it seems that integration is the best outcome for DID. I have found this to be true in my case, but I have visisted other DID sites and have found a fair amount of resistance to even the word "integration". I would be interested to know how others with DID feel about integration.

Thanks,

shrinkrapper

We don't want intergration. Have decided on cooperation instead. Too many of us feel it is too much like murder. If some want to intergrate of their own accord, that's fine. But I, the host, can't imagine living without the company of my main ones. And, they feel the same way. They don't want to die.

Best wishes
TSC

For myself, I try to integrate, too.
Integration doesn't mean the alters die, they will ever live inside you, but as integrated part of yourself.
But I can imagine your fear of dying.

All i know is that one of them said "you might as well put a gun to my head and shoot me if you're going to go that route."

So, i decided not too.

Best wishes

As far as we're concerened, the whole concept of 'integration' is just that. a 'concept'. Its a barbaric idea that people put into motion without the slightest clue of what it REALLY means for us from the inside.

They can pretty it up with words like 'merge' and 'fusing' or 'becoming whole' and other crap. Just try asking those experts, "what's it feel like to be the one getting integrated?". Might as well substitute the word "terminated", cos thats what it feels like.

Sure, we've had 2 that have decided on their own to 'integrate', but whether they're vanished, 'fused' or simply dead..... who the hell knows..... we sure don't, and none of the experts know either. All we know is that even when those 2 decided on their own peacefully and calmly and without co-ersion to 'integrate', it left the rest of us feeling like they'd just died. Left us feeling the emptiness they left behind. Now does that sound like a nice peaceful integration where they 'merged' with us somehow?? No. They're gone, not there at all anymore, missing, left a hole where they used to be. And all of us felt it to the core.

And don't get us started on what being forced to integrate was like. Don't even wanna go there. Damn stupid idiot that thought she could just make us all go away. Well we're still here and it really pissed us off and hurt even the toughest of us. Taken forever to recover from it to the point where we're somewhat functional again.

So, as they say.....you can take that integration and 'shove it'

The Collective

[quote="Humanchild"]All i know is that one of them said "you might as well put a gun to my head and shoot me if you're going to go that route."

At my opinion, that alter didn't understand the meaning of integration, wasn't good informed...

But of course, integration or not doesn't matter in fact... the purpose is that you feel better, with or without integration.

Best wishes.

Simon,

That alter was my main alter and protector. The one I care for most.
Hard not to take his words and feelings to heart. He's been with me since childhood. I'm co counscious - don't know if that affects the way the host feels about intergration or not.

Maybe if you're not co counscious and don't know you're alters that well - may be feel differently.

Best wishes

Well, I decided to go the route of integration many years ago and it has taken quite a long time for the process to actually be complete. When I started I was assured that integration was not murder and that all the parts of me would still be there, just as a whole, not separate parts. Well, let me tell you, the whole is not equal to the sum of it's parts. I don't particularly care for the person that I've become. All of my alters have integrated, for the most part, but I have lost abilities that I once had, knowledge that I used to have, and I used to be a nice person, or most of me was and now, not so much. Maybe I'm just angry because I feel I have lost so much and I also feel that I was betrayed by those I trusted. They see me as a great success story because I used to be completely dysfunctional and now I hold down a responsible job and I travel all over the country. If they could only see inside my head. The worst part is that they hold me up as an example to others so I don't feel that I share with them how I really. Now I'm helping others to strive for my goal and I feel like a hypocrite.

intergration?

Well, I certainly worked toward it since my teens or so.
I think recognition of all the divided parts of self is so essential... we all need to know where we stand, which of our dissociated traits/states gets how much time in the life of one body. So I'm an artist but I have a big self sacrificer in there and the artist wants to be alone and the self sacrificer wants to give which means inviting people in so I've negotiated a kind of 'no domination' time share policy in there ... so not sure if that's integration or negotiation!

Anyway, the idea that integration is always possible isn't always so I don't think. I have a lack of left right integration and my left brain self is REALLY different to my right brain one and those two have little integration. I also got help for bipolar/anxiety/compulsive disorder stuff so there's better balance there which is sort of making the ground more fertile for some level of moderation, or integration if you like.

I think we all have many selves and the real deal is that whoever we love and loves us loves the whole patchwork, not just say they like x, y, self and not z too. I'm really lucky there, my husband loves the whole patchwork.

donna Williams *)

Hello, this is whoami. My doctors feel that integration is not something that I should think about now. I am having a problem (according to the Trauma Team), that I cannot accept that I have DID. I insist that I'm, fine, it's just that I have some down mood sometimes.
As far as the 'bad alters', since they want me 'under the ground where my father, unlcle, brother, and espacially where my 4 year old sister is', I feel that since that are all trying to kil me, they are bad spirits and I want a priest to come and get rid of them.

The doctors keep telling me that these are not bad spirits, but parts of me, that are very dangerous and want to end my life.

They have never brought me a Catholic Priest while I have been in hospital. And I think it's because they are afraid to. And of course, I am very afriad. But the terror of never knowing what these alters are going to do to me when I dissociate is a greater fear for me.

And then there's the times when I take my night medication, I am now in the habit of taking just a 'few more' sleeping aids because I have amnesia and find I am staying up for days at a time, without eating or taking care of myself. I see my trauma Physichiatrist once a week, and my clinical nurse once a week. When I see me Doctor, there have been many times where I have pieces of glass, or a lot of medication on me. Most worst alter is called The Gravedigger and he cannot stand the doctor. of couse the doctor knows when this alter comes out (I am completely unaware of these parts of my sessions). This alter will start to cut me in front of the doctor or just swallow a bunch of pills. The I will switch to a little girl and ask the doctor to take me for a walk down to the lake, (the hospital is quite beautiful and has a lake view from every room. He always asks me, "Mary, why do you want to go down to the lake?" And I say because I like it there, it makes me feel calm, and I want you to take me there so I feel safe. He thinks I want to walk into the lake and keep walking. So he never takes me there. Then the Grave Digger will get very angy and try to cut my wrists. The doctor, of course is much stroner than me, so he always manages to get the glass or medication off of me. Then he says the session is over, and I may leave. As I am walking out of the doctor's unit, he will always end up standing in front of me, wont' let me leave and admits me to hospital.

My depression is very serious right now because I am beginning to take small overdoses a little at time at bedtime. And I know one of these days I will take just a little too much.

My doctor is an excellent trauma specialist, and soon I know he will admit me again. The problem is I am so depressed, I don't want to be there, and I miss my grandchildren and the rest of my family.

The doctor tells me that I must accept that these alters are all part of Mary, and if Mary dies, so will they. I don't beliieve that the bad ones will die. To me they are bad sprits from the devil who are inside my soul to destroy me. And when they do they will just move on to another body.

I don't think my trauma team believes that some of their patients should aim for integration as part of there healing. I think they just want to get me to a point where I am safe, and I can handle the different parts.

Thanks for listening.
msqtpie54