Introduction and questions: Co-morbidity?

I apologise for this being as long as it is.

I do not like discussing my problems and up till now, have only confided in my girlfriend. In doing so, and through the course of our developing relationship, I have increasingly realised the severity of my difficulties. Unfortunately, a therapist is not feasible due to financial constraints, the likelihood I shall have to move and travel frequently in the near future, and for other reasons I shall touch on below.

I have three distinct "sets" of alters, and these sets each have a predominant trait.
One is largely emotionless, and is scientific and able to travel without difficulty. Another set describes artistic identities, but paranoid, housebound, somewhat delusional and preoccupied with "spirits". The last is the core set of identities, and is consumed by severe, irrational anxiety, utterly unable to function and currently buried deep within the psyche.

Do others here experience this defined segregation of different alters into such groups?
Could it be that the emotionless set are schizoid and the paranoid one schizophrenic?
They both fit the respective terms in considerable detail.

These are wildly different disorders, I understand, but could it be possible for them to both be present in my mind, within the framework of DID? I am confident that anxiety is a reasonable co-morbid disorder to experience that might only affect certain identities within a system, but what of the other two? Is it merely just an extension of DID itself, presenting similar symptoms?

Obviously, this is being written by the scientific set. The paranoid set is too... well... paranoid to even entertain the idea of joining a forum or discussing these matters. In fact, those ones do not even believe we have DID, but that we are all real, supernatural entities in "possession" of this body, which was made vacant when the core abandoned it. As such, our lives are held pinioned between these two wildly differing realities.

My girlfriend has her own problems to worry about. She is aware that I have DID, but I feel I have left her hard pressed enough without confiding my suspicions of additional disorders.
So, I now find myself here, seeking an outside opinion from those who hopefully understand. Any opinions you may have are valued and welcome, except for seeing a therapist. The paranoid ones will not do such a thing, nor will they consent to medication. If they learn of this post they will likely delete it, so I apologise if that does occur at any time.





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There is here a further question for those who do not mind seeing slightly more difficult topics discussed. My girlfriend is very keen on us having sex, but I am not, for several reasons. The emotionless set is asexual, experiencing no drive nor pleasure from it, and finds it degrading. The paranoid set is too paranoid to engage in it- (You will have to forgive me, I am not entirely familiar with the deeper subtleties of their feelings on the matter), and the core set would find it traumatic. This is for two reasons, physical genital mutilation (which she is aware of), and the core's abuse trauma, which is triggered internally in such situations. Though physically I am able to keep this under control, it is difficult and can cause chaos throughout the entire psyche.

The situation is complicated; the only "child" alter (outside of the core) is also the default, as despite being one of the paranoid set, he is able to be charming, optimistic, engaging, and generally portray a mentally well balanced individual. He works hard for the system, speaking and interacting largely like an adult, though he is obviously immature. My girlfriend mostly interacts with this one. She has no idea that he is a child, and does not understand his position. I cannot easily explain it to her. Unknowingly, it is he she tries to have sex with, and he cannot emotionally handle this, which frustrates her.
We have a perfect relationship in every other respect.

It is far from ideal having the child stuck in this position, but other alters would be cold, aggressive, sadistic, or have a complete breakdown, which would be even more damaging to our relationship. It would be unreasonable to ask her to not to ever have sex with me at all. How can I handle this situation without causing undue damage to anyone involved?

Edit- I'm sorry, I had to come back to this. When I wrote it, my memories were unclear. It seems that we had been willing to compromise and be intimate, but just not to involve my own genitalia. That is what she is pushing for. What else can we do to resolve this? It isn't an option to lose her over this, as many of us would take that to mean our relationship with her as an individual is worthless without sex- even more to the point, that specifically surrendering my genitalia is required. I don't understand why it has to be like this, she is patient and understanding in every other respect. Am I seeing this from a twisted perspective?

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I think if this alter really is a child, your gf should know. She might find it no longer a good thing to come on to such a young alter. I don't find it very settling either. You have to ask your self, is this alter really mature enough to let this continue, or I believe if you sit her down and explain to her about this and how having a sexual relationship right now could be doing more bad for you then good, make sure to explain to her it is not her that is the problem its just sex in general. If you do not want to discontinue this physical relationship then you should make sure who ever is going to do it is, old enough and stable enough to handle the physical contact, emotional part, and responsibility that comes with sex. I don't think there is any reason you shouldnt admit to her that my your system isn't handling this part of your relationship. I don't think this is too terrible to postpone a sexual relationship for now. Its not going to be forever. I just think it would be better for you both to maybe talk about what's going on and how you both can help make it better. Once you are both "on the same page" you can start to discuss how to work on a way to make sex more enjoyable for you both, in a way where young alters are not included. If not this could possibly more damaging then you know.

First of all welcome! You seem very intelligent and understand yourself quite well!

--------TRIGGER WARNING-----------------------
There is here a further question for those who do not mind seeing slightly more difficult topics discussed. My girlfriend is very keen on us having sex, but I am not, for several reasons. The emotionless set is asexual, experiencing no drive nor pleasure from it, and finds it degrading. The paranoid set is too paranoid to engage in it- (You will have to forgive me, I am not entirely familiar with the deeper subtleties of their feelings on the matter), and the core set would find it traumatic. This is for two reasons, physical genital mutilation (which she is aware of), and the core's abuse trauma, which is triggered internally in such situations. Though physically I am able to keep this under control, it is difficult and can cause chaos throughout the entire psyche.

If you were an older, married man this would be perfect. Joking aside... most females need to loved, held and feel connected and close to their man. If they don't get this they often feel rejected and unwanted. I have always been extremely sexual, thinking that is what I needed but I was just acting out a part to make men happy and thought I needed them to make me happy, but now I am more in touch with who I really am, I feel more like you described. Be true to yourself! That said are you okay with holding her and making her feel loved? Most women are okay if they get that and don't really need the sex.


The situation is complicated; the only "child" alter (outside of the core) is also the default, as despite being one of the paranoid set, he is able to be charming, optimistic, engaging, and generally portray a mentally well balanced individual. He works hard for the system, speaking and interacting largely like an adult, though he is obviously immature. My girlfriend mostly interacts with this one. She has no idea that he is a child, and does not understand his position. I cannot easily explain it to her. Unknowingly, it is he she tries to have sex with, and he cannot emotionally handle this, which frustrates her. We have a perfect relationship in every other respect.

I certainly do understand where you are coming from now! My T explained to me that my littles are who push men away, make me struggle with weight issues, etc... All because they don't want sex. We all made an agreement that if I don't have sex, they will stop make staying in shape and eating right so difficult. Those internal pressures are so real!

It is far from ideal having the child stuck in this position, but other alters would be cold, aggressive, sadistic, or have a complete breakdown, which would be even more damaging to our relationship. It would be unreasonable to ask her to not to ever have sex with me at all. How can I handle this situation without causing undue damage to anyone involved?

Exactly! They will try and push her away if they are anything like mine. It's not unreasonable, but such things are best if they are addressed at the start of a relationship instead of when you are very close. She might feel you don't want her or are not attracted to her. Most Females want to feel attractive and wanted. Have her read this thread. That is a good starting point.

Edit- I'm sorry, I had to come back to this. When I wrote it, my memories were unclear. It seems that we had been willing to compromise and be intimate, but just not to involve my own genitalia. That is what she is pushing for. What else can we do to resolve this? It isn't an option to lose her over this, as many of us would take that to mean our relationship with her as an individual is worthless without sex- even more to the point, that specifically surrendering my genitalia is required. I don't understand why it has to be like this, she is patient and understanding in every other respect. Am I seeing this from a twisted perspective?

Again, make her feel loved, desired and wanted. the male genitalia does not always function and for some men it never does, especially as they age, so it's something women need to face at one time or another. If She really looks at herself and understands herself and you, then she will be happy in a relationship that works for both of you. You seem so mature in knowing what you need. Don't expect her to be as mature.

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chibixal wrote:I don't think there is any reason you shouldnt admit to her that my your system isn't handling this part of your relationship. I don't think this is too terrible to postpone a sexual relationship for now. Its not going to be forever. I just think it would be better for you both to maybe talk about what's going on and how you both can help make it better. Once you are both "on the same page" you can start to discuss how to work on a way to make sex more enjoyable for you both, in a way where young alters are not included. If not this could possibly more damaging then you know.

Well, it would mean explaining that my well-balenced facade is an illusion, that the person she is familiar with is just a child wearing an adult's mantle. She would have to understand that we don't do as well as we make people believe. Not to mention, how do you make someone outside of a DID situation understand how a child alter can exist? It took us all a long, long time to accept this alter was a child at all, the concept was just not acceptable, and even he was convinced he was an adult. To all of us, being young implies being pathetic, and her inevitable dissapointment in our lack of emotional maturity will merely validate it further.
I did take your advice and try raising the subject with her today. She quickly became cool and distant. Short of releasing my insensible, agonised core identities, with much woe and wailing and gnashing of teeth, to illustrate how severely this has affected us, I really don't know how to convey it. Of course, that would be a bad idea, however.

To Tylas and Chibixal, thankyou for your answer and your compliments. You were both so quick.

tylas wrote:most females need to loved, held and feel connected and close to their man. If they don't get this they often feel rejected and unwanted.[/color]

Yes, I agree entirely; our romantic relationship has always been extremely important and we tell her how much we love her and how beautiful she is every day! We kiss, hug, and discuss all sorts of deep things, she is patient and kind, things couldn't be better. But, where sex is concerned, it is suddenly a totally different story. Despite the fact I am prepared to be physically intimate in other ways, she seems to need for us to be "connected physically", and is openly disappointed when I am not able to go along with this. This pressure makes it even more difficult, and for a while we felt so betrayed it was indeed a struggle not to push her away. The only one missing out on sexual gratification is me, not her! When I try to discuss the severe nature of our issues with this, she just doesn't understand. We have serious traumas about this, yet she feels we are just being self-concious, or even "a girl" about it.

This issue really does undermine our whole relationship. As much as she says she loves me, and we love her, we cannot trust she will stay with us.

What's going on with you, I think we have all gone through before we knew we has DID or DDNOS and after as well.

We ended up pushing the ones we cared for away. You realize that you might end up doing the same or she will leave because of the issue.

Have a chat with everyone. Make some agreement. Explain to everyone just how important this relationship is to you and how she is good for everyone in the system. You need to communicate both internally and more so externally, but externally in a way your gf can grasp. Unless you have this it does seem girly and weird. You have to understand how she feels too. I can't tell you exactly what to say and think, but you seem mature enough that I think you know what to do. You just need to do it.

tylas wrote:I think you know what to do.

Unfortunately, I don't...

I knew you would say that.

Think about it from everyone's point of view. Perhaps write down what everyone thinks. Give it some time. Just don't get antsy and scare her away!

tylas wrote:I knew you would say that.

Think about it from everyone's point of view. Perhaps write down what everyone thinks. Give it some time. Just don't get antsy and scare her away!

Hah, you did?
I will try this, thankyou for the suggestion, and thankyou for replying so quickly. I doubt I know enough about anything to be useful, but if there is anything I can help you with, I can try to repay the favour.

No need. Most in this group love to help out where they can.

I have a feeling you are young, yet mature and very intelligent.


Younger members will give you some ideas too that might work better for you.

Skellingbun wrote:This issue really does undermine our whole relationship. As much as she says she loves me, and we love her, we cannot trust she will stay with us.

This issue exists on two levels. On one level, the mundane one, you do need to be able to trust that she will stay. She might not stay, for reasons having to do with you or for reasons that have nothing to do with you. This is just part of establishing an intimate relationship. On the other level, the far more important spiritual one, no one ever will be with you forever and no one ever really leaves you.