Falling in Love & DID

Now, I'm sure this has come up before at some point, but I have a few questions / worries of my own and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to search for this particular subject (~shakes fist at Search bar~)

As I've been hopping around on this forum, I see that plenty of people are married or who have SO's who know about their DID and they're perfectly happy. Which is nice to know....but I have some concerns. Since a majority of the general population don't even know what DID is or they have horridly wrong ideas about it (thank you, Hollywood), there are several things that concern me.

First off, I didn't know that this was a "disorder" (I find this system quite "orderly", thank you -Minerva) even existed a few years ago. I just thought that I had a highly overactive imagination and when I was talking/thinking to myself, I just answered in several different voices because "I'm silly like that" XD. Now, a few years ago, when I first started dating a girl, we'll call her Kay, we found out she had DID, but only one alter that she knew about; we'll call her Sasha. Well, I knew about Sasha, and that didn't frighten me at all, or concern me, because Kay explained why she was there - and as an adopted child, I knew she had QUITE the past, so it made sense that Sasha would exist to me. So, that was all well and good. We got along great and whatnot - well, a couple months into our relationship, Bernadette revealed herself to Kay. This...was scary. It was my first blackout, like, ever, that I recall. I mean, when you're 19, and you've lost a couple hours and dunno why that happened and just shake it off...there's something wrong there. Apparently, Bernadette and Sasha were talking to each other about how Kay and I would never work (2 and a half years later, they were right...but for a COMPLETELY different reason than any of us thought) and seeing how they were both our protectors...yeah, they'd be like "Shove off, mate". But I digress. After it happened, Kay tried to explain what went down and I kinda laughed it off, asking her how she knew about Bernadette; it was a character I made up to get me through high school. (Recently, she informed me of how frustrating it was to convince me I had an alter because she was there and saw me switch). So, eventually, everyone got to know everyone (except I never met Sasha).

I had a few questions about this -especially because I don't want anything like that ~points to above~ to happen again to someone who is unprepared for it.

First of all, when you start dating someone, how long do you wait until you tell them about your DID?

How did your SO/whatever take it when you first told them? Did they try to understand or did they laugh it off at first like I did? (Gods, I'm a ****).

If you are married, how do you handle that along with having DID? Especially if you have children? (Yeah, I'm jumping ahead of myself on this one, but you know...I'm curious and I tend to think farther ahead than I should XD).

Was your SO ever *for* integration/pushed therapy?



I'm just kinda wary of dating after this all happened. Problem is...I wanna get married, start a gigantic family and get a Golden Retriever (insert other American family cliches here) but I worry that I will never find anyone who wants to understand, who would be okay if my alters came out (and wouldn't freak out about it - Kay was scared to death of Bernadette because of the things she and Sasha discussed), would understand that this is a frustrating thing to cope with (as I know it would be for them as well) and that knows that DID is serious, it is real, and won't tell me that I need to get "better" like some people have done in the past. Honestly, it scares me to think about sometimes. I'm overly analytical of things (I am a Virgo, after all XD) and this one has been driving me up the wall lately.

Please let me know of your experiences if you wish to share them or of your personal opinions on the subject. I'm sure I will have more questions later, but I think this is all I can muster at the moment.

Hey, it's perfectly normal to want a big family and Golden Retriever
There's nothing out there that is impossible. Just needs a little elbow grease, is all!
I have my own goals too.
My background- Met my SO just before I got diagnosed, had a really rough year together, getting used to each other now,
but in for the long haul I think
Now, for your questions!

First of all, when you start dating someone, how long do you wait until you tell them about your DID?
Unfortunately I didn't have the luxury of telling or not telling! On my first NON-date outing with this person I had
a deep crush on (now my SO), one of my alters came out when we were wandering a store and took off without him.
Much to their surprise, he didn't chase! So they came back, and eventually I did, and we had a long talk over lunch. >_>
If I had to tell someone in a new relationship about it, I would wait until we were a bit better acquainted. That
way I would be able to tell how they would react. And if I knew they would react badly, I would seriously have to
wonder about that relationship.

How did your SO/whatever take it when you first told them? Did they try to understand or did they laugh it off at first like I did? (Gods, I'm a ****).
I want to say I remember more of it, but I'll tell you what I remember (Alter was out for first few months I knew him).
My SO knew someone with DID once and when I told him what I thought I had at the time he totally didn't believe it (Not
me, the diagnosis!) ...it turns out he was extraordinarily gifted at psychoanalyzing people and was actually the one who
told ME to try and get diagnosed for DID... he's the second person to say that to me and it shocked me.
And don't call yourself names, hun! <3 We're all fine for asking questions! Curiosity is a wonderful thing when handled tactfully

If you are married, how do you handle that along with having DID? Especially if you have children? (Yeah, I'm jumping ahead of myself on this one, but you know...I'm curious and I tend to think farther ahead than I should XD).
Been together a few years, not married... not planning on having children... all I can say about having a relationship with DID is that you learn a delicate balancing act of working on yourself, doing things you love, helping out around the house, doing work/school, and working on your relationship. I'm still learning! It took me a while to come to a place where I felt safe enough to do things I love.. only started a few days ago.

Was your SO ever *for* integration/pushed therapy?
My SO wanted a healthy relationship from the start, so yes, he pushed therapy. And boy-howdy did I need it.
I decided I wanted to stay with him, so I started going to therapy. At first, he was pushing integration until he learned
more as time went by that it didn't seem like the best option for me. Now he's hoping I aim for co-operation in my system,
with them being my side-kicks and me having to run the show.
It's been hard but it's definitely been worth it.

We're not "perfectly happy" in my relationship.
My SO went through a lot of $#%^ at the beginning of our relationship, he was ready to tell me to leave because of
how crazy things got, or to put me in a hospital, because he was working two jobs and my alters were keeping him
awake when he came home at night and he'd listen to them all night, and he burned out. This wasn't just one or two
days, it happened for a whole year.
No one should have to take care of another person by themselves, and I was sort of checked out.
Eventually the therapy started working, and I'm really glad he hung in there...
But he's still got trust issues and he never learned to know ME- he knows all my alters, but he hasn't developed that
closeness with ME yet... so no intimacy... no sex.
He has told me that he needs to feel comfortable, to feel intimacy for this.
It's slowly getting better, and he's still the wonderful person I fell in love with. I would recommend going to a therapist
BEFORE getting into a relationship if things are a bit out of control.
I really, really regret all that happening, even though I didn't really have a say in it

Getting better just means being in control of your DID, and not being so easily triggered all the time.
Being able to stand your ground and talk to your alters as friends and resources instead of blackouts and uncontrolled switching.
But if you're not ready to 'get better' yet, you'll know when you are.
I had to hit rock bottom in a bad relationship before I did. Hoping it's not the same for you!

For the benefit of future readers who don't have my story in mind, I'll repeat some information. I am 46 and married with children. I became aware of my DID at 16 but did not know what it was and did not find out for 30 years. As far as I know my system is small (4+). Until about a year ago my symptoms were minimal, and even now I do not have all that much going on.

RebekahRin wrote:when you start dating someone, how long do you wait until you tell them about your DID?

In my 20's I started disclosing about the traumatic event at 16 when my alters evidenced, but not about the alters; in my 30's I started disclosing about the alters too. I had typical rape survivor issues to work through, and I knew that to have the kind of intimate relationship I wanted I could not keep secrets. I disclosed everything to 2 boyfriends prior to beginning sexual relations with them. #1 remains very close to me and #2 now is my husband. I had sexual relations with 2 other men but as far as I can remember I did not disclose to them; I probably should not have had sex with either of them.

I would recommend you do not disclose until you feel the need to disclose, and you also feel safe enough to disclose.

How did your SO/whatever take it when you first told them?

Both men listened, remained calm, and were non-judgmental.

If you are married, how do you handle that along with having DID? Especially if you have children?

I get on with life. I married and had children before I was aware of having DID, but despite being aware that I was somehow abnormal. Marriage and children came relatively late in life, though, after I came to understand that many, many people are abnormal but don't know it, and that being aware of my own abnormality is a very good thing. I read a lot about infant and early child development and paid special attention to attachment parenting.

Was your SO ever *for* integration/pushed therapy?

No. My husband is a very non-interfering kind of person. He is compassionate and supportive, but does not push. He knows I will do everything feasible to take care of myself, that I will research and understand all the options, and move forward in the best way that I can. Increasingly my goal for myself is full integration. I do not like the extreme co-dependency and time sharing evident in marriages where the spouse maintains a separate intimate relationship with each alter. That is perpetuating the dissociation. By intimate I don't mean necessarily sexual; some relationships are parental, sibling, peer, friend, counselor, teacher...

Towards the end of my relationship with my first bf, I was falling apart. He convinced me to force my way through the "Black fog" and remember what I only had a vague impression of: Freaking the eff out about something that morning.

I got, instead, "voices" on paper and it just sparked off this entire system-wide freakout/power struggle/melt-down-anxiety fest that we still refer to as "the great war."
It... kinda totally destroyed the relationship. However, it forced me to try to find support from people when I used to hide EVERYTHING from EVERYONE. I found a friend, started talking about supernatural crap. [I was very religious at the time and I could only conclude that was possessed]

Long story short, it was enough to make Aecy not afraid enough to hold her place out front, and soon enough she realized it wasn't demons, at which point we needed a new explanation. That was almost two years ago, and I've been in a very happy relationship with mike and his company ever since.

It's rocky all right, but I know he understands. >.>; And I know there won't be as much trouble with me not understanding him, and I know from experience, now, that he's trustworthy and reliable and willing to be honest and we can work things out if we just keep working at it and trying.

That's my story with that, I guess. no telling if I'll get married, but then, I kinda live for the moment more than for the future anyhow. I'm still getting used to the thought that there might be a future, it's kinda foreign to me.

EDIT: He took it well. It was a relief for him to learn he wasn't crazy and that there was a reasonable explanation for his internal dragon. He has never really pushed for much of anything, but then, there wasn't a point. If I need help, I'll find the means to get it or go without it and make things work, usually. ^_^;

I met my husband via MySpace, he lived about 40 miles away from me just over in the next state. He worked at a tattoo shop and we messaged everyday. Soon we exchanged numbers and I called him. He was very sweet and encouraging. I trusted him right away. I never mentioned to him my suspicions on my disorder. Finally I made plans to get my bell button pierced and meet him for the first time, we had been talking for a few months. The very day I met him he asked me to go out on a "non-date" (which is arguably our first date..) then afterward since he was homeless (staying at a shelter) I had him come back with me to my home. He spent the night..(very much a gentlemen and did not break any boundaries I wasn't ready for, he was ecstatic with just the couch. Very big for someone with D.I.D. not to over step physical boundaries. IE. He kept him hands to him self Hehe) one night at my house turned into many..I fell for him very fast after that and he decided to make the full "move" to live with me. We continued on he got a job I continued at mine and we were very happy. Then things started to "not add up" my time loss was making him think I wasn't always truthful, or he would notice me acting strange. (Like playing with toys and suddenly stopping when he walks in the room, or not responding to my name, acting distant like I didn't know him..) I finally admitted to him via txt message (he was at work and annoyed because I acted like I didn't want to be around him or was avoiding him) that I have sorta like people in my head (nearly my exact words) I told him I've been reading about it and it seemed to fit what was going on. I explained to him what I knew about my situation. I already had a list of each alter I had made contact with and names, ages, ect..) At first he didn't believe me but (this is most important) he still loved me and he was still very supportive. He was open to learning about it and never once took it in a negative way. (His motto was "Hey doesn't matter what it is going on with her, I love her and I'll do whatever it is she thinks will help.) Finally together we made contact with Jay. John was literally my eyes and ears while I was away. He saw me switch many time he started to form bonds with my alters one at a time gaining their trust little by little. He finally realized that my dog could tell the difference between me and the others. Now his bond is very strong with several of my alters. Sure its still like a crazy circus at times but I know he loves me and each of my alters. He is also bisexual so he has pretty much fallen for Jay who is Polly (non gender bias when choosing a mate) they are "boyfriend girlfriend" (my husband is transexual) same goes with him and sabastien who is straight. Him and the littles are like playmates. He loves to build them forts and watch cartoonies and have tea parties and color with crayons..yes my husband is like a 4 year old.. lol so we are not always one big happy family trust me we each have our moments but all the crap we have been through just makes each new day worth while.

I figure if you find the right person, who makes you feel safe, who actually proves with out really trying that you can trust them, and someone that may not know anything about D.I.D. but is willing to LISTEN, and will NOT judge you, or make decisions for you because they think they know what's best for you, these are qualities that will help a relationship for you grow. I can't say for sure when is the right time to do anything (someone should write a book on it eh?) I think once you have established the right amount of trust and as long as they really care about you there is nothing to worry too much about.

I wanted to start by saying I am answering these questions from an SO's point of view. Maybe this helps a bit as well

RebekahRin wrote:First of all, when you start dating someone, how long do you wait until you tell them about your DID?

My fiance waited until the second date to tell me. She said as she liked me a lot she wanted to inform me straight away so I knew what I was getting myself into. If I wouldn't be interested in her because of that anymore, it would hurt her less if I would 'run' at that point as she wasn't in love with me yet. I'm very grateful she told me this early in our relationship cause I had a chance to get to know the both of them at the same time( in the meanwhile there's 4 of them but that's besides the point). This gave me the opportunity to spend an equal amount of time with both of them and get used to dating someone with DID. It made it a lot easier for me.

RebekahRin wrote: How did your SO/whatever take it when you first told them? Did they try to understand or did they laugh it off at first like I did?

I'd never heard of DID before. I remembered vaguely something about it being possible that a person could have multiple personalities but I was completely new to it. It was the least thing I expected and I was shocked initially. It didn't scare me but for a few minutes I was like " WOW". So I started interrogating her and wanting to know everything: why, how, when but more importantly: what does it mean for me? The thing that scared me the most was the memory loss, losing time, having to repeat what I said in a conversation with her alter etc. Something that right now seems silly to me and we laugh about it these days. Yes, I joked about it. We, joked about it but in a good way. I never laughed it off, took it seriously straight away and did my research. She showed me a very helpful video on youtube that made me understand what causes DID in the first place. It put things in perspective to me and I am happy I stayed and didn't run.

RebekahRin wrote: If you are married, how do you handle that along with having DID? Especially if you have children?

We are not married yet but we are gonna be soon. For me, I know what I am signing up for so to say. I choose them, which means I choose to take the flashbacks, hallucinations, moodswings etc as well. I choose to be there for them because I love them. I know that if I would be dating someone without DID, it would probably be easier, but I can't imagine being without any of them. I don't want to be. So we would like to have children as well and we will. They are incredible with kids and they know themselves extremely well. I trust them with my life so I won't hesitate in having kids with them even though for me kids are not a must in life.

RebekahRin wrote: Was your SO ever *for* integration/pushed therapy?

I am more against integration than a fan. I love my fiance,the Core and her 3 alters, to pieces. I am also in a romantic relationship with all 4 of them so I would never want to be without any of them. However I know they do need therapy. Sometimes more than other times. They also know they need their weekly sessions and sometimes even more than just weekly. They are always trying to do better and be better and function as normally as possible. When doing good they barely need therapy but still they've made it mandatory for themselves to go at least once a week. I only push therapy when I see that they need it but mostly I leave it up to them. I don't like forcing things.

Ok I think this post is a lot longer than I intended it to be. I hope it's useful as well!

.

*TRIGGER WARNING FOR SOME OF THE MATERIAL*

Broken Mirror: Haha, yeah, actually - I love dogs. Currently have a chocolate lab and a golden ^^
I don't believe in the impossible (in the way that I'm sometimes sickeningly optimistic) but I worry about things A LOT XD
Congrats on the SO and the long haul

Yeah, I can understand the telling/not telling option and dilemma (as you probably read above!). Can't tell what you don't know. My best friend, my ex, and a few very well-chosen close friends know about my DID. I just worry because some of them (I've known them for at least 5 years before telling them this) reacted in the "I hope you get better" kind of way...which is not the case, but I don't think they truly understood what I was trying to tell them. Oh my O.o I can't imagine having that happen in the middle of a date. That's...well, that'll be quite the story for later lol X3. And if they reacted badly, I would just cross them off and continue on my quest, lol; because there's no reason to be in a relationship if it's questionable.

I can't believe two people told you to go get evaluated for DID XD Can't say that ever happened to me. Haha, I only called myself a name because I was thinking back to when Kay was trying to tell me about Bernadette. I had blacked out, but I remembered getting ready to shower then I woke up on my living room couch, clothed and dry but my hair was still wet and I didn't know why. Kay tried to tell me about B, but I just scoffed at her like "Oh, Bernadette was my character that I made up in high school. She isn't real; I just pretend I talk to her in my head sometimes". Then I was informed by Kay that Bernadette had tried to drown me O.o but for a reason that made sense in a really odd way. Apparently, I was going to attempt suicide (again) but Bernadette decided that she was going to make me see that that wasn't what I really wanted. So yep - blackout ensued. This was BEFORE I knew that Kay had Sasha, I think, or didn't quite understand that we both had the same thing. After LOADS of denial, I finally met Bernadette, and I was co-conscious (for the most part) with her from then on. And yes, I'm curious about everything, honestly. Minerva thinks that my death will be caused by over-researching XD Since I finally have a name for what this is, I've been kinda obsessing about it (yay for my compulsions xD) in the way that I've done SOME kind of research each day, which just draws more questions.

I'm glad to hear that your situation is a good one now; ah yes, we are all perpetually learning, aren't we? It's good to know that I'm not the only one to stumble in the dark sometimes. Honestly, I think that I'm a mess a lot and the majority of people are just that far ahead and know exactly what they're doing whereas I feel completely confused all the time.

Well, if you need therapy, that's different haha. I'm voluntarily going to therapy; I just get skittish if people begin "suggesting" it to me.
Integration scares us; we aren't completely out of control, and I have a pretty good grasp at staying in front if I don't mess with certain things (like alcohol) or if I'm not at home. They can pop out, but I'm co-conscious with all of my known alters now and they do a pretty good job of blending if needed XD I'm glad to hear that your SO learned more about everything and it is going well so far!

When I said "perfectly" I didn't mean, like, perfect lol but it was more meant to be that the people who are involved have the care and devotion to making it work, rather than people running far and fast in the opposite direction XD
And I can relate to that; Bernadette used to be the catalyst for a lot of things in my previous relationship v.v
Even though you regret all that happening; you still have your SO!~ That's amazing. What a "tough cookie" as they say XD Some people surprise me with their resilience. I often think that someone will find me insufferable and just bounce ><

My DID only got bad, as I said before, when I came home (dealing with 4 other people and two dogs after being on your own is...interesting) and when I'm inebriated. So I try not to do that too often if at all. I can mostly control my switching to an extent, but the stress from home is making me a little wonkier than I am used to being. I'll be going to therapy soon, to nip it in the bud, so to speak. I want to get all of my other issues out of the way before I tackled my DID; honestly, it's my family I need to work on in therapy v.v

Una+: ~Nods~ Right. I would probably tell of my alters once I got to know the person better, and I (and B), felt it was safe to do so because I wouldn't want to have something bad happen but I'd also want to time it correctly, as Onlyme put it, so I would not be hurt if I fell in love with someone in case they did not want to stick around if they knew I had alters. And I'd absolutely would have to say something before engaging in sexual anything with another person - it was one of the problems Kay had when she found out about one of my alters.

Good to know there are still good people out there who listen and don't judge XD

Haha, I've always thought of myself as "abnormal" - I'm loud, run amok a lot, insanely hyper-active and so on - not "normal" by society's standards (also because I embody the cliche male geek but I'm female XD)
It's good to know about all of that stuff. I've even considered taking Children Psychology as an elective at school, but I will look into the subjects of early child development and attachment parenting; sounds like they'd be good research (Hoo boy, now we know where the rest of the summer is going -Bernadette)

Good to hear your husband is so supportive of you ^^ I see what you mean about all the alters and married life - it would seem rather unfair to the "host" (I do not like that word. It makes us sound like parasites -Minerva). Good luck with your endeavors and I hope you achieve your goals!

Aecy: Waitwaitwait, he "forced" you to remember stuff? Oy vey, that sounds rather torturous XD I'm sorry :/ That sounds rather stressful.

Well, I mean, at least SOMEthing good came out of it, right? (~coughs~optimist~coughs~). And yeah a lot of people chalk DID up to being possessed. That's just kinda what religious people do and sometimes they blow it out of proportion.

I'm glad you have found someone so understanding of you and your situation; that's the best gift that one could ask for. Sounds like a good one, there.

Good for you AND him. Always good to find a kindred spirit ^_^

Chibixal: Aw, your story is so touching ^^ And even though he didn't believe you, he stuck by you and still loved you, I agree that that is the most important part

It's great that you have such a supportive husband; and it's good that he's connecting to all your alters like that and that he's willing to do so. I worry, honestly, that a person would either just ditch me or want nothing to do with my alters, both of which would hurt just as much XD
And that is adorable, being one big happy family ~grins widely~ That sounds wonderful. And yea, I would imagine each day would just start a whole new adventure, wouldn't it?

Haha, yes "Guide to DID Dating" - I wonder how the sales on that book would go XD I would buy it and scan it thoroughly, then actually read it and analyze it (but that's the English major in me talking). I'm usually a pretty good judge of people, and know just a few people like what you described, and they're the ones who already know about my DID, haha xD That would be utterly convenient- for someone who knows about DID and that I have alters- to develop into a relationship XD But that's my whim of fancy there~

Onlyme: Ooooh, actually, I would love to hear from the SO point of view; yay for seeing both sides!

That was good of her O.o It's good that she saw that it was going somewhere far enough in the future to "warn" you about it. (That's how Kay used to put it - "warning" people of our DID). That's good to know that someone who was told earlier on would be more keen to accept it and try to understand. I worry that if I say something too early, I'll scare them off (if my face hadn't yet, lol XD) or if I waited too long, I'd fear that they'd think me a liar.

Shock is better than fear. Honestly, shock is preferable than your mind jumping to movies like "Hide and Seek" ~punches Hollywood~ And well, lol, we prefer that someone bombards us with questions rather than being frightened off like a scared bunny rabbit. We welcome questions because we know that people are actually interested in learning more about it, which means they're interested in learning more about us. Which always makes us get a better mood. And like I said elsewhere on the South Park thread, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? I've joked about it and situations it has gotten me into as well. I bought a journal for the alters, even though we're all co-c, sometimes it's nice for them to write just in case *I* forget what happened ^^; I'm rather forgetful. I'm thinking about Vlogging about this when I'm older but not yet since I'm still in school and it may or may not affect my employment ><

Congrats on the upcoming wedding then! Always a good thing to hear. One of the cliche girly things I never let on when I was younger (since I was such a tomboy) that I was obsessed with weddings, lol, and a mention of one just puts a smile on my face ^_^ Good to hear that your SO & everyone will be so wonderful with children as well It's good to hear you trust everyone with your life too; shows how much love you have for all of them

As previously stated, we are not a fan of integration either. My best friend is completely against it - he said that he has this super protective feeling towards all of us - and it just made me so happy to hear him talk like that; it made me really happy that someone could care about all of us that much. Therapy is pretty much a given with a lot of people that have DID, but honestly, I don't think the majority want to integrate (majority, not all) but therapy - I'm wary of that too especially if my therapist and I don't see eye to eye on certain religious aspects and how I view DID. Good for you not forcing things; there is a difference between forcing and seeing that someone needs help, though.

And no worries, traditionally, long opening posts result in long result posts!~

Carpediem46: Good to hear someone else wonders things such as I do! Heh XD

Ah, yeah, I could see how meeting someone as one of your alters could lead into a difficult explanation. Hoo boy, he just ignored your alters? Really? Well, silly boy. XD
Kay was like that for a while, when she found out that Bridgitte and I were pretty much constantly co-present, she thought it was "weird" to have a relationship with both of us, and eventually essentially "banished" Bridgitte. Surprise! Our spark was lost. Because she'd fallen for Bridgitte, not me; a realization that JUST came upon us recently v.v At least he tried to be supportive in the end! That's good...I suppose XD Oh, I'm not looking for answers I "want" - I "want" honesty - so thank you! I worry about the same thing - I feel like I should just carry around a book about it with me at all times. XD

I'm in this position now.

I've been dating a girl for three weeks now. All the times I've seen her were in public and or with friends. I asked her on date to tell her about my condition. Unfortunately she had plans to take a vacation for a week out of town and I had graduation otherwise I would have gone with her so that got postponed. I'm not sure where the best place to tell her is. I originally thought of taking her to a restaurant, but now I'm thinking of waiting. She's looking for an apartment right now, she moved back with her parents because her last residence didn't work out. Possibly within a couple weeks she'll have her own place. That would be perfect, because she could react truthfully without making a scene.

I haven't told anyone before, so I'm not sure what to say or what to expect. Also she's bipolar and has therapy and takes medication, so I think she has a pretty good foundation in psychology. I don't think she'll push therapy, because she has had bad experiences in the past.

I think I'll just get it out of the way. She'll be back next week so I'll take on that date.

Jake

My story is a bit unique in that both my husband and I have DID.

He knew about mine before we started dating, I worked out he had it too within a few months of us beginning to date. He finally realised he was DID soon after I'd noticed it. He took it well when he found out I had it, and I was the same for him.

Some days are hard. There are times where we are both draining on each other, but we're getting really good at noticing those times starting and doing what each of us needs to to get back to our version of normal.

Our first child is on the way, so I can't answer that one yet. But I have been talking to my alters about it, and making sure that the littles know what to do if they're ever out, and that the protectors have all the nasty alters under control.

My husband and I both are in therapy, though not for DID, and both of us agree we each need it. He's quite anti-integration, though he understands why I want to partially integrate. If I were to stop going to therapy, he would push me towards going back in. Right now, I need it and I know that.