Questions From A Brand New Member

intentional~breather wrote:Una+, we are not comfortable with anything but people, however, out therapist says this is not realistic from a professional standpoint and she has expressed that it is healthier to referr to us as parts.

Well, you can be assertive and state your reasons. I think your need outweighs her point. People vs parts isn't about diagnosis of DID, is it? To me, it is about integration. Is your therapy goal integration, or not? It sounds as if you are a bit stuck. I am not sure how to help you get unstuck.

I have been in therapy about 4 months, and realized I have DID about 2 months ago (although I reported all the hallmarks in my intake session). I have sessions only once a week but I am able to devote a lot of time to doing the work. Thanks to interlibrary loan I am quickly reading through the entire literature on DID. I have decided I want integration. I think my alters, those I have some contact with, want it too. I feel that I (Una) am an alter and my Alter 1 is an older, larger, more complex, and more alive personality than I am! Alter 1's passion for a man other than my husband just blows me away; I want to have that passion in myself, and redirect some of it to my husband and children rather than to a man who does not want it.

My response to-
-You refer to your alters as "pieces and fragments"Have you always done that?? We have had a struggle with acceptance of who we are and in fact, most of us still feel as if we are very separate people. Our therapist consistantly referrs to us as "parts"and every time she does, we shudder collectively....we are just not here yet I guess. If you have ever referred to yourselves differently, what made the change?? And how long did it take?

I don't refer to my alters as "pieces and fragments", in fact I don't even call them "alters", except for the sake of making myself more clear to those who are listening
Normally I will call them my "kids" because that is what fits for me, and I used to be stubborn about calling them that and nothing else, that was my comfort level. However now I am comfortable talking about my situation from a third person and calling them "alters" so that it is easier for others to understand who I am referring to.

When I talk about "pieces and fragments", I am referring to the complexity of my system.
My trauma went on for so long that my alters have parts and fragments, as do I..
Referring to a part as a piece of yourself such as the self you show in certain situations, fragments being memory
clusters that hold specific memories that can be healed and merged...
I'm sorry if it's confusing... For example I have around 4-5 alters, that have their own parts to selves, and fragments.
So... F is a dissociated part of MY system. F isn't "flat", he has a wide variety of selves (not dissociated selves) to himself,
and fragments to himself. C was a dissociated fragment of F, and once C worked through his stuff, his memories became
a part of F.
I myself have some selves (not dissociated) in my system, but I could look at F as being a branched out part of my system
that has been dissociated from me (he IS a different version of me, but we operate separately for now).
Our systems can be really unique and complicated.

I try to look at it this way when my therapist calls them "parts"- he is working with what he knows and experiences.
My experience is that F (and the others) seem to be parts of me, or 'alternate' versions of me.
It really bothered me at first, but now I just play along for therapy's sake. If you'd prefer she call them what you're comfortable with first, discuss it with her. We really enjoyed being acknowledged in this way, and since grew to trust him and now
we are not as picky with the wording, even if it seems wrong.

It might help to say that instead of a person, we are a system, because that seems to make more sense.
If you look at a community, every person makes up part of that community. They are a part of that system.

Ugh, I'm sorry, I am rambling at this point...

Our intentions about integration, up until as recently as this week, has never been integration, the therapist concurs. But as time has gone on, and we realize the complexity of our system, and how exhausting it is with so many, thoughts of integration have surfaced. Certainly, (at least at this time) some of us are not willing to consider it, but some are really are starting to think that perhaps some might need it.

We have yet to discuss this with the therapist as it is really that new. She will be here tomorrow (she comes to our home) and there is full intention of taking a few minutes to discuss it. There have been a few difficult situations that have come up, and there has been a "partial system shutdown" because of it. The amount of people that we have is not making these "situations' easier, and as a matter of fact, they have been a hinderance. We are feeling overloaded, and every tool we have been given to alieviate some of it has not been successful. Hence, the thought of integration on a desperate level.

Una, there is a respect for your focus, the best of luck with your journey....and please know that your responses have been help enough. We are indeed somewhat stuck, but youhave offered the "hope of being unstuck"

Broken_mirror, we understand the complexities of systems for the most part, it's just that in these forums we have not seen anyone else referr to themselves, or their parts, as people. This has been quite an issue and debate for many of us with the therapist. I guess it is a little shocking for us to see that we are the only ones who use that term. We know we live in one body, but not really at the same time if that makes any sense at all (it does to us, haha) I really feel as if it's an acceptance issue for us, and thought that maybe others have had the same expierience. Some get very angry at being called anything other than a person, but at the same time we understand the reasoning the therapist has. (now I am rambling....)

We are "mapped out"and someone turned it into a piece of art (beautifully created)....we now have to find the courage to look at everyone and take the next step....Thank you both for your responses

While we use words like alter or part online for clarity, we, too, consider most of us to be well developed and complete people. Some of us are less well formed, and are in fact fragments of a whole. But most of us think we're just as real and whole as anyone else. So we can see where you all are coming from. We also don't wish to integrate. We think a few of the fragments could afford to go, but everyone else wants to stay.

We come here because it's comforting to know that there are others out there like us, that we're not alone. Sometimes people on here have similar issues to us, and then we benifit from learning how they are suceeding anyway.

There have been one or two instances of drama here, but nothing major for a while, I don't think.

I don't think we have too many alters. I think about twelve is average, though, and according to someone inside, we have around twenty or twenty five. Nothing extrememly high, though.

I think it's better to be able to relate to others like you.

I did have to work on my communication for a while, we still are now.
I didn't even know about Sophie until I discovered her through texts/msn convos with her friends. We are now able to talk through our mind, and have a journal for each of us to write our thoughts when we need to. One of my alters Anna is only 5, so talks very rarely and even when she does it doesn't make much sense, so she usually just draws
It will come to you, you just have to listen out. They will talk more when they're ready, mine were very stubborn at first. Have you tried using a journal or anything?
Take care