Questions From A Brand New Member

Hello everyone. This is the first post we are making.....we have been attending therapy, 1-2 times per week with a wonderfully intelligent therapist, for 5 years. The diagnosis came 4 years ago. There are many of us. The risk of exposure leaves most of us hesitant to say too much, but the need to know others are living the same thing has been formost in our thoughts lately. There are a few questions though, so please bare with us while we learn to trust this process....

Firstly, what is the single most reason you come here?

How has it helped with your journey?

Is there ever any "drama", frequent upsets to the group as a whole, and if so, how is it dealt with?

Do any of you have "higher than average numbers" within your systems?

Is it really better to know that others are living with the same diagnosis, or does it make it harder considering the probable nature of someone's past in order to be dianosed in the first place?

Thank you in advance......

I come here to get answers to my questions. I am climbing a mountain and this forum is my safety line. Sometimes there is drama, but not much considering all that we are dealing with. Moderators will remove posts they deem to be inappropriate, and lock threads, and may have other powers too. Some of us have few insiders, some have very many.

I find it helpful to know I am not alone, both in general and in detail. Reading others' stories here shows me that my DID is uncomplicated, nothing special. I am learning what is likely ahead of me, and gathering ideas about how to proceed with my recovery. I am working out what I need to say to my therapist, and how to say it.

Details of the original trauma rarely are shared here. None of us needs the vicarious trauma of graphic details.

Hi, welcome to the forum!
To answer your questions..

1. The single most reason I came here was to see if other people were having the same experiences as me, and to get advice and not feel like I was so alone with my DID.

2. It's helped my journey A LOT as I've been given advice that's helped us better our system, support in things we do and has helped us feel not so alone in this

3. I don't know if you mean upsets in my system, or upsets on this forum. If there's upset in my system, we tend to talk it over with eachother, and each of us has our own individual ways of dealing with things. On the forum if there's a lot of upset, a mod will stop it by locking the thread or issuing a warning, they make sure that the forum stays a support system and not an excuse to give opinions that may offend people.

4. I only have 3 alters, in comparison to other people on this forum, that's not many. However, there are people with just one alter, and people with 50+ so there's a bit variety of people

5. I find it very reassuring knowing people are having similar or the same experience as me, and I'm not going through this alone. There is the odd time where people can get triggered, but these posts have *may trigger* in the title 90% of the time, so you know to avoid it if you feel it may cause problems for you.

Hope this helps!

Welcome to the Group! I am pretty new too, both to the group and the diagnosis of DD-NOS but probably DID. Mine are too afraid to talk yet, but we are getting better. All but my doomsday one and she does not give info on herself.

"Firstly, what is the single most reason you come here?"

I feel more at ease talking online than to people in person. Also online I can target those that have the same interests as me.

"How has it helped with your journey?"

Learning and talking with those that share your problems always gives an insight that you cannot get from your therapist, friends or family. I am learning a lot!

"Is there ever any "drama", frequent upsets to the group as a whole, and if so, how is it dealt with?"

Not that I have noticed yet. The moderators seem to control things well.

"Do any of you have "higher than average numbers" within your systems?"

I don't know. I am just starting to communicate and map them.

"Is it really better to know that others are living with the same diagnosis, or does it make it harder considering the probable nature of someone's past in order to be diagnosed in the first place?

It's far better to have others to share with. Being alone would be like being back in the days when men wanted to diagnosis you with hysteria, or psychiatrist did not have any idea what was going on, etc... Imagine how frustrating that has to be! It's already hard that few therapists know how to treat this, have dealt with it and are at ease with it. It's also crazy that so many fight the fact that it even exists."

Glad you're testing the waters here, I find this a pretty good little spot to be.
Welcome to the boards!

-Firstly, what is the single most reason you come here?
I was trying to find others like me and help understand my experience.
Also, I was in a lot of denial and chaos when I first found this forum, so I don't
remember 100% why I first came here, but I do know why I stayed! It is pretty safe
and supportive.

-How has it helped with your journey?
I've found it good to have support when I feel isolated or alone with this, mostly my
therapy has done the most for me, but it really helps to have support along the way.

-Is there ever any "drama", frequent upsets to the group as a whole, and if so, how is it dealt with?
I haven't seen much drama on these forums, the moderators are really good to catch things and everyone
seems pretty good to talk misunderstandings out.

-Do any of you have "higher than average numbers" within your systems?
I would say around 5 full functioning pieces to my system and 20-30 fragments (my pieces that serve a purpose or hold
a memory and can talk but either blend in but haven't lived life enough to have a fully functioning personality)
I'm not sure what "higher than average" is, I just know that everyone is different and makes as many pieces as
is necessary and helpful at the time.

-Is it really better to know that others are living with the same diagnosis, or does it make it harder considering the probable nature of someone's past in order to be diagnosed in the first place?
I find it very upsetting that other people have been through horrors as well and I do my best to try and help out where I can.
If I'm having a day where I find myself liable to be triggered I don't browse the forums. (It took me a while to figure out when these days were!) It is very relieving however to know that there are other people who share my experience and we can
help each other out. It does demystify the experience a bit.

I'm glad you're being cautious beforehand, I was pretty cautious too when I first came here.
Trust is earned, not given. I hope you get the answers you need to make an informed decision about what
is best for you.

To second Broken Mirror's comment about trust, trust is indeed to be earned not given freely. I lurked here for months before taking the plunge into posting. I chose this "public" forum because the "privacy" of forums where only members can read is an an illusion.

Hi and welcome. We've come to believe that this is a positive group, we've been lurking here for a long time and trust is not something we have much of anymore. We have not responded to topics in the past because we argue so much about how to respond that it's easier to just watch then go through the struggle of typing/erasing/typing/etc. Your post asked questons that allowed us to valaidate why we are here, so thank you and here is our response.

1. We come here for hope. we have never been attacked here, no one has ever forced to do anything or questioned why we are here. We have been granted a safe place to learn that we are not alone in our struggle.

2. This forum has helped our journey because it gives us ideas of different ways to cope. We self-harm, the ice trick and fake blood were something has worked for us and we would have never thought of.

3. Drama is kept small and the Moderators do an incredible job of keeping things peaceful. occasionally a drifter will come around to cause a problem, but they are dealt with effectively.

4. We are not comfortable talking about our system.

5. Rarely does the past take precedent in the posts, the focus of this group is support through shared experiences by those who are able to.

Being here is worth our time, and we hope that if you take the chance and stick around a bit you will learn that for yourself.

Kero

Thank you to everyone that has responded. We too, have been here for a while, reading and taking information in. We are terrified of exposure, and therefore, not everyone is thrilled to be here. However, some of us feel as if a weight has been lifted knowing that there are others with the same struggles.

Una, it is nice to hear that you have made a connection...it seems to be a theme right now, a desperate need almost, to feel connected....it is interesting to us that every response to this post is familiar. I recognise the linguistic abilities of each response, an understanding of each point, that a singular person could not. It is, to say the least, refreshing and almost exciting. Trusting this process is at least getting off to a better start than we had anticipated

"None of us needs the vicarious trauma of graphic details."....Thank you, you have put ease to the minds of many, in very few words, thank you.

Carpediam, thank you for your answers. May I ask you....was the process of communication within your system something that you had to work on for long? We have a terrible time with this as of late, and feel quite discouraged sometimes with the apparent lack of ability to do so. Our therapist feels we are on the cusp of a more productive way to communicate, it cannot come soon enough.....

Tylas, we could not agree more in regards to feeling more comfortable online as opposed to face to face. Far safer.....We also feel that this might be a place to get the understanding that we have often felt non exsistant with the people in our lives that do know of our diagnosis. We have almost full trust in out therapist, but feel like she is always one step behind us, never able to understand the full extent of our emotions, even though she knows us better than anyone.

The lack of acknowledgment within the mental health community is a great source of frustration for us. The lack of belief that this is a valid diagnosis is even harder to understand....

Broken_mirror, thank you for your answers. You refer to your alters as "pieces and fragments"Have you always done that?? We have had a struggle with acceptance of who we are and in fact, most of us still feel as if we are very separate people. Our therapist consistantly referrs to us as "parts"and every time she does, we shudder collectively....we are just not here yet I guess. If you have ever referred to yourselves differently, what made the change?? And how long did it take?

Kero, thank you, hope is something we have had little of lately, therapy has been in a tough place for a few weeks and everyday life has been challenging at best. But hope keeps popping up, just when it is least expected and thank you for reminding us that we need to have it.

It is good to hear consistantly that Moderators keep this forum safe. The internet is not always a safe place for some, and knowing that this seems to be safer than other sites we have been to also lends itself to the thought that hope is filtering in a wee bit.

Thank you all for your answers....have a good night, be well

intentional~breather wrote:"None of us needs the vicarious trauma of graphic details."....Thank you, you have put ease to the minds of many, in very few words, thank you.

Even so, it is wise to be cautious about reading here, and to ask child alters not to participate. Some threads I avoid, because certain topics do contain triggers for me. It may take a while for you to identify most of your triggers. Do you keep a written inventory of them?

intentional~breather wrote:Broken_mirror, thank you for your answers. You refer to your alters as "pieces and fragments"Have you always done that?? We have had a struggle with acceptance of who we are and in fact, most of us still feel as if we are very separate people. Our therapist consistantly referrs to us as "parts"and every time she does, we shudder collectively....we are just not here yet I guess. If you have ever referred to yourselves differently, what made the change?? And how long did it take?

What would you like her to say? You could ask her to say that. Some people prefer "insiders" or "people". I am okay with "insiders", "alters", and "parts". I feel that they are parts of me. I don't know how they feel about that themselves, yet.

But I think Broken_mirror meant something else. Some alternate personalities are large and complex and have long histories and large burdens of trauma. Others are small, simple, and have short histories and usually few or small traumas: these are so-called fragmentary personalities, pieces and fragments.

Una+, we are not comfortable with anything but people, however, out therapist says this is not realistic from a professional standpoint and she has expressed that it is healthier to referr to us as parts.

Many are having a hard time with acceptance of the diagnosis. Acceptance would mean that we would have to look at ourselves as "parts". There is much anxiety over this and at the end of the day, even though it is something we think of often, there are far more important things for us to be dealing with right now. We were just wondering if anyone else has had or has the same sort of stress over it.

Una+, have you been in therapy long? We find a bit of frustration with the length of time we have been seeing our therapist, and a specialist outside of the city we live in. We very much appreciate the expert knowledge, but htere are some weeks when we are fighting so hard to breathe, that the thought of another 5 years is almost impossible.

Our therapist says that it is taking longer than orginally expected because 1, the diagnosis and the time leading up took just over a year, and 2, our numbers makes it "more complicated"

Thank you again for your reply, be well!