Any Advice Will Be Great

Hi Everyone
Heidi's brother has moved back home and has been very cruel to her and she is trying very hard to control some of her urges that she gets. I have spoken to her brother but he keeps saying that he's just joking around though Heidi does not see it that way neither do I for he's being verbally abusive to her and he acts like it is no big deal like its some kind of game. Heid's mother is no help at all for she defends the actions of Heidi's brother myself and the other internal friends Heidi has are not sure what to do. Any advice will be great thank you for listening
Johnny

Ground rules with her brother has to be set in some way or another. End of story. My family is VERY verbally abusive and plays it all off as "jokes". I've been called a whore, c*nt, and lazy (despite constant work around the house) more times than I have been called by name.

If I ignore it, or if no one speaks up, it happens on an hourly basis. If I blow up or if someone snaps and lays into them about how it hurts me, they act like I have anger problems and can't take a simple joke. Being told I need plastic surgery and that I'm a walking whore that would make no money on the streets, is not a f*cking joke at that point. I've even been told that because my baby brother doesn't like taking a bath that it must be because I'm a "kid toucher and I need to stop touching him". I have no room to talk around these people anymore. It seems like it's a lose-lose situation. BUT, if you or Heidi sit him down and have a calm talk about how it really hurts her to hear those things, maybe you can connect with him on a personal level and he will calm it down. I could be wrong, as it's backfired on me more times than not, but it's worth a shot.

I wish you the best of luck! It's frustrating to live walking on emotional eggshells around people like that but hopefully with the right conversation it could ease the "jokes".

Ground rules work for a week, before things go back to normal.

You can't change these people. My family is so verbally abusive South Park was offended.

You either have to,
A) Return Fire, and when they make a (Physical) move and hurt you, call the cops and get them out, or
B) Take it. Maybe record it. I did, and took it to my therapist. It started her thinking I had DID, and its been (mostly) positive since. This could be a good thing, but, as my alter Zack pointed out in another form, Catharsis never works. So...

DO NOT HIT BACK. Verbal is fine, verbal is what they use? Good, you can use it too. But physical violence only hurts your cause. Example: Who did you prefer: The Egyptians or Hosni Mubarak? The non-violent ones were loved all over. Be an Egypt! Don't be your idiot brother. You actually have a future, something he clearly lacks. Thats your ace in the hole.

Please note, I did not say on "A)" to hit them, I meant be just as nasty verbally. Get dirty. You have my full permission to call him whatever, but DO NOT HIT HIM. If he hits you, call the cops and say-so to the blue bloods. This won't help your cause, per-se, but it'll show how far you'll go to make it stop. This is your thermonuclear device, and, as WikiLeaks said, "They will only release it if backed into a corner". Do so, and make it worth it.

I don't believe that those two ideas are very helpful in the long run. Most people, myself included, try to do what they can to preserve their family bond despite the clear lack of respect. I have fought back, verbally and Jack has viciously attacked them physically, and we've also ignored it and taken it for long durations of time, nothing has helped us so far. When we take the verbal abuse, such as the case today, it goes on and on and on with even more power behind each attack until someone snaps. I snapped with Jack beside me, verbally, and I was told I was in the wrong for doing so. That I'm "combative". It does nothing for them to listen that what they say has hurt me to the point of suicidal urges and desperate attempts to silence them even in my own mind.

If your brother does not take well to a sit down talk, then maybe it's best to avoid him. I know family is valued and you would probably be upset to "catch it on tape" and get them in trouble with the law. That would only make a family even more broken up. Unless you are prepared for a lifetime of guilt and resentment from that person, I would not suggest bringing police into the matter unless you are clearly in danger.

If you have a counselor or a therapist that you all see, maybe ask her brother to come to a visit with you. Ask the therapist if he could sit in and maybe do some work with him and see if there is anything you all can work on. If he has compassion for her, aside from "joking" the way he does, he should be willing to try to see the errors in his ways. If not then at least you know you have tried and he is not able to change.

No, they're not helpful in the long run, but seeing how he just moved back in with you guys, he'll be there for 2 months and be gone.

As for you, Katariina, I'd say if your family is unresponsive and a bunch of immature goatf****rs, feel free to fire back. So what if your being "Combative"? Doesn't that mean that they are too? And so what if you hit first? They started it. Be immature. I've had to deal with morons like her brother for my whole life; TRUST ME, using their own tool against them irks them to no end and shuts them up faster than shoving a plate of brownies with powered sugar in front of Lindsay Lohan during interrogation. It works. It doesn't work in the long run, but its 10x better than constantly avoiding them, and 50x better than hitting them and being called "Combative" in that tone we all hate to hear.

EDIT:
And before you bring it up, in the long run, you just hope they mature a bit and just stop. Its like Obama: Change has to be forced if you want anything to actually change. Nic's suggestion could force them to see their own behavior and realize they're ######6 morons, but in the long run, all you can do is hope they mature. Thats it.

I guess you're right. People don't change very much, unless they actually feel sorry for what they have done, which rarely happens.

Graywolf I really hope things work out for you. It's not fair to be subjected to anyone's harsh words just because they think it's okay. It's even worse that your family doesn't stick up for you and favors the hurtful things he does. You are all better than him and should not get dragged down by what he has to say, because it doesn't matter what he has to say. He should live his life and let you all live yours'.