Please help - Does a T have to advise if you are DID?

Hi,
Sorry for the long post!
Can anyone offer any comments?

I'm starting to wonder if I have DID for many reasons.
The major ones are that I feel like I have 'awoken' slowly over the past year and I am not at all who I know I am when 'true to myself' (guess that could just be the therapeutic process). But it feels like everyone around me is now a stranger to me and I live 2 lives.
And that I have an incredible battle with allowing myself to speak up about my history and blocked it off for years.

I have two parts constantly arguing about how much to ‘let out’ to my T and when I break through the critical part of me and 'tell', later the critical part seems to gain strength and I beat myself up inwardly.
This is getting worse and my self-angry side is often getting angrier as my therapy goes along and I become scared of myself (sounds crazy!). It's kind of weird to go home after 'speaking up' about the abuse (progress!) and then start telling yourself to 'shut up' about it. I am really worried, and wondering if this is just a normal inward battle (perhaps due to over exposure in a session)- or is this DID?
It seems constant and it makes me feel like I am pulling against myself all the time.(I don’t suffer any other disorders as far as I am aware).

I have been in therapy for 2 years regarding my sexual abuse and PTSD.
However I don't hear voices and as far as I can remember, my major abuse happened when I was 10yrs old. As bad as it was, it was not as terrifying as many cases I have heard of. I seem to function well, apart from social withdrawal at times, stress and poor memory.

Does DID only occur with extreme cases of abuse?

I don't seem to fit that category, although I suffer intense fear around my history, which is still hard for me to pin point where that comes from. Maybe that is just the usual fear, I don't know. I can't recall any earlier abuse, other than being gang attacked once as a young child, quite badly by bullies.

Anyway, this has been of concern to me, as I would like to know what I am dealing with. Knowing would help me understand myself!
I have asked my T about what is wrong with me (who is trained in trauma and is very experienced), but nothing much seems to be fed back to me, other than I am highly avoidant. But no other diagnosis other that PTSD.

I wanted to ask if T's do tell you if you have DID?
I am too scared to seem a hypochondriac to ask, being that my abuse was not as bad as some with DID are!
Yet, if I have DID, shouldn't I have a choice as to whether or not I want to address it? and what this may entail?

I am scared to be pulling myself and my entrenched parts of myself (if that is what they are?) to pieces if they have been protecting me. I feel very vulnerable not knowing what is going on, worrying if my T understands me (because I don’t!), and not having much feedback when I tentatively ask (because I struggle to talk in session often).

Do you think my T would tell me if I have DID? How does one know if they are already being treated for DID?
I know I sound paranoid, sorry. I am not usually so!, just feeling very insecure with this.
sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to get a little feedback if possible here.
Any comments would be so gratefully appreciated!
Thanks, Newie

I think that you may be starting to hit "paydirt" in your therapy. While this may be quite uncomfortable for you, it is necessary for you to undertake this journey of self discovery. You sound like you're a bit "unsettled" at the moment. I know that this may sound trite to you, but it's probably a good thing. It sounds to me that your discomfort is a sign that you're making progress in therapy. After all, you are working at undoing the status quo which must be uncomfortable to you or you wouldn't have sought out a therapist. You are not paranoid and you sure don't need to apologize. Good for you that you are willing to reach out for some feedback. With PTSD trust is such a major issue. The problem is, the danger has passed and you are safe.

I would say from the reading that I have done in DID that the general thought is that DID is a result of more extreme abuse. However, there are other factors that play a role in DID, such as one's innate ability to dissociate, your constitution/genetic makeup, environmental factors, etc.

I really think that you need to take a big breath and give yourself a break. Be gentle with yourself. You may or may not have DID. Time and therapy will enable you to know if you have DID. It will become apparent to you if you have DID. DID therapy involves getting to know parts of yourself that see themselves as separate from you. Alters will come out in therapy over time when they feel safe. They will make themselves known. You (and hopefully, your T) will become aware of them ( if your psyche has used this form of protection.) Therapy for DID revolves around you and alters becoming aware of each other.and cooperating with each othr. The goal is to integrate these "selves" so that they gradually dissolve and melt into YOU which is the way you are meant to be. Unfortunately, self discovery is a process that takes time. I think you should discuss the concerns you have expressed here to your therapist. Your therapist is there to provide you an arena where you can face yourself and your fears and concerns. Sounds to me that you have trust issues. Anyone who has PTSD (which I have as well as DID )requires alot to time to trust a therapist. I doubt very much that your therapist is keeping anything from you. I really think you ought to ask your therapist the questions that you have raised on-line, if you can. I think you might find it helpful if you discuss your "avoidant behavior" with your T. What does your T mean? Do you know what he/she means? Do you know why you are "avoiding" --what? Work with what your psyche gives you. Trust your psyche/yourself. It has its own time and pace. Maybe you ought to look at what's getting in your way of sharing these concerns with your T? If you do have DID, you need not be frightened or see yourself as nuts. It's a way of being that your psyche has established as a way to cope. There are worse things than having DID. Those with DID have a much better prognosis than those with other disorders. You don't need to be frightened if you do have DID. Do you have times/periods when you do not experience any PTSD symptoms? Hope you find this helpful.

Long response just posted was from me, "Shrinkrapper"

Hi Shrinkrapper,
Thank you so much for your most valued reply. Yes it helped a lot!
It was also helpful in so many ways, I will think further about the perceptive thoughts you raised. And thank you for the encouragement too! it means a lot as well.
Thanks again, Newie

Hi Newie,

You are most welcome!

Hey Newie

What's been happening in your therapy? Have you been able to explore any of the concerns that you expressed earlier? Would like to hear from you.

Regards,

Shrinkrapper