may trigger? advice in dating broaching possibility of DID

I have become very fond of this man over the last 10 months. He has spent a lot of time in my home and I am pretty certain that there are at least 7 if not more alters that flick in and out. He has told me that people don't understand him, become scared of him, hate him or get frustrated with his carefulness in relationships and leave him. He has stated that he was in some fashion, abused at age 7 though he has never revealed more than that, except to say it was his mother's selfishness that caused it.

As to why I believe DID is at work in this man...

Changes in facial expressions with out cause...I mean he is in his 40's but can look like a child, teen, his good ol boy self or an angry old man in a matter of seconds.

Nail biting and foot tapping, these are not all the time, just suddenly starts and stops.

Does not like to be touched unless he expresses the invite himself, otherwise he can become hostile/angry or run.

Will make plans to come over, not come or call. When I call to see what is up, I normally wake him and he will have no recollection that he was suppose to be doing anything. Then days later will call to say he is sorry, that he knows I am upset with him and that he wanted to come but just couldn't.

I have called him and woke him and he will always ask me what day it is.

Uses wordplay, pictures and "lolspeak" as well as his own child like words and phrases to communicate his wants and needs. At first I just though he was being fun and cute but now I think it is much more than that.

He HATES to be asked questions...I mean any question...how is your week going, what did you have for lunch, what is the price of tea in china, do you want to grab a bite, see a movie..all to which his replies are you sure do ask a lot of questions,you think too much, stop asking me questions.

When sitting and talking he will zone out somewhere and if I ask where he went or if he is back, he gets nasty and tells me I read too much into things.

Yet he asks me very personal questions...things like... do I want children, what am I going to do with my life, he then proceeds to tell me how I should feel or what I need to be doing. He will ask me a questions and interrupt my answers with you don't care.

from what I have seen so far I have split The Selves (as I call them) into 3 categories...
The Good

LB Little Boy ~scared, lonely, thinks you are making fun of him. Only comes out when he is very tired or getting ready to go to sleep. I think he is 5 to 7 years old.

LO Little One ~ calls when they are sad, it has been a bad day or needs encouragement. I have not figured out if this Self is a boy or a girl yet..but I am leaning to it being a girl around 12 to 14.

GOB~ Good Ol Boy ~ The Core Self strong, helpful, interested, knowledgeable, humorous, hard working, goal oriented. his true age. knows and likes everyone.

PG~Perfect Gentleman~ romantic, loving, enjoys gifting the perfect forget-me-not tokens, grounded, calming, thoughtful, respectful and very shy and careful. I think he is in his early 20s.

The Bad

The Instigator picks on me, calls me silly, will start an argument, get me riled or upset then slinks away and lets GOB come back to deal with the mess of which he has no clue as to why I am upset at all. 15

The Calculator will say or do things to see what my reaction will be, he also like to slink off and leave GOB or PG in a bind that they have no clue what has happened to the nice dinner or walk. 17

The Ugly

MOM Master of Manipulation is mean, very strong, hateful, hates all women..their bodies and functions. Really hates me. Enjoys to see me hurt. Is selfish, money hungry, always looking out for a way to make more money, pretentious, racist. Does not show himself to others around me, more prone to take hold if drinking, which is why I think he does not drink anymore. very old, if not demonic.

It seems that for 10 moths we have been playing a courting game, I have tried to move things forward a bit and I get "back off, you push, I run", "don't call me or text me or message me", he has deleted me from our social network only to repeatedly send invites to be added again. He will call me and talk and talk and text me and then blame me when he goes over his minutes. anytime this happens I am assuming the other selves have no clue of it as I still continue to get normal correspondence from him and questions as to when we are going to get together and have dinner or lunch. Yet when i respond apparently MOM is reading and i get quit stalking me.

I honestly do not know if he is aware of what is going on at all and if he does know, how do I approach him with letting him know that I am aware? I have written to him and told him, I have seen his selves and that I am still standing here and that I am not scared of him but of the feelings I have for him, but he never reacted to it except to take me out for ice cream and then The Calculator asked me if I wanted to go look at hearts on fire diamonds. I am at loss as to what to do. I love this man, and I just don't know how to approach this with him. In 10 months there has been no kissing, he refuses to sleep in my bed opting for the couch although it is very evident the want and need is there.

I come from a physically and mentally abusive mother and have been in a relationship of the full monty of abuse so I am not totally naive to the struggles he fights with every day, yet I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep fighting with these others that want me gone but I don't want to leave either. I don't know how to convince him/them that I am not a bad person nor do I want to exterminate them.

Any sage words of advice out there??

Welcome, sonoma

This isn't professional advice, and maybe someone will disagree with me, but...

How about sitting down together and having a short conversation? I know you pretty much tried that, before, but maybe try it again? Tell him how much you love him, and that you don't have any intention of leaving (if that's true). Explain that you would like to understand him better, if he will let you, and that you would like for him to help you understand. I don't know if I would really go into what you want him to talk about, unless he asks what you mean (and even then, don't over do it).

Don't ask him any questions... just let him know that you care about him, and that you're always open to talking, if he wants to. If he doesn't want to talk about it, you really can't make him, and I don't think it would be good to push him on it.

About his possible alters, the mean ones could just be trying to protect him and/or their system. They might see you as a threat, in one way or another, and so are trying to push you away. Try not to get pulled into an argument (I know, easier said than done ). Try to remain calm, when you think one of them is out.

Remind him/them that you accept every part of him, and don't want to get rid of any of those parts (could be said whether he's multiple or not). And tell him/them that you don't intend to hurt them. The best way to convince them that you're not a bad person and don't want to get rid of them, is to show them that with your actions. It'll likely take a while for them to start to trust you.

Don't lie to any of them, though. If any of the above isn't true, don't say it.

Do you think he would see a therapist?

Hi Sonoma,

sounds like good advice from Canolime, just try to talk to him. you could say you've noticed he seems different at different times, without implying too much, see if he feels comfortable enough talking about it to say any more. accepting every part of him is important, just as if he has DID he needs to learn to accept every part of himself. i know it can be hard to accept parts of people who you've listed as "the bad" and "the ugly" cause ive found it hard to do that with parts of myself. but as you get to know him you'll find as canolime said, often "the bad" and "the ugly" are there to protect, and as you begin to understand what's going on between everyone in the system, they are not so straightforward "bad and ugly" as you think at first. its possible he doesn't really know exactly what's going on himself, maybe it would really help him to know, but go easy & take it slow, he might find it very hard to process at first if he doesn't, and some of him may take it more readily than others!