So...yea....loads going on >_<

I've not posted in here in a hot minute, but kind of want to start posting again.

I dumped the T I had because she was shoving her insecurities on me and always emphasizing that I'm "seriously mentally ill", which just always seemed degrading. So I found a new one and I absolutely LOVE her. She's explaining things to me in terms I can understand...science. She's not saying whether or not she's changing my DDNOS dx or keeping it, but she for sure says that I have some severe dissociation that we need/can work on. I want to move in with this T and just talk to her all day and night.

After 7 months of doing semi-decent, I was hospitalized again 2 weeks ago. I had another serious blackout and was apparently wandering around in traffic, so the cops came. According to the police report, I was psychotic and aggressive. And I kept referring to myself as Lia. So I'm uncertain as to whether a switch happened or my brain was just being stupid (which is highly possible).

I started going to EMT school in December and am actually doing REALLY well. I graduate in September. I was thrilled to be doing it and excited, but the hospitalization really threw me off and has made me self conscious about my ability to perform the job without dissociating. My teacher is understanding of my condition, and we've talked about what I'll do after I graduate and pass the national registry exam. For the most part...after I graduate, if these blackouts are not more certainly under control...I will not be seeking employment until they are. Hopefully in the like 8 months I have left...I can get this fixed somewhat. IDK.

My therapist wants me to start keeping a "time" and "checkout" journal...and i was wondering if anyone had any experience with this and could show/tell me how I'm supposed to do it?

Hope you're all well...

Hi.

Sorry to hear about your recent hospitalization but it's good to hear that school is going well for you and that you have found a therapist that you are very happy with.

I think everyone does the journal thing a bit differently depending on what works for them. For us we just write in the journal when we are out and feel like it. We write down memories that we have that others in the system can't remember and we write down how we feel at that moment that we are writing (usually a few pages worth including our thoughts accompanying the feelings), and sometimes we write what we have been doing that day too. We always record the date of the entry at the top of the page too. You might want to add something like the time or what feelings of dissociation you feel you are experiencing at the moment you start to feel it, if there is anything that triggered it etc. When we started out, we wrote in that type of thing, just to realize how we were feeling when we switched and to read back and realize that we had very different opinions on the same topic. Some people use the journal to introduce themselves to their others too and ask the others to write back. Perhaps Lia will write in there for you.

All the best.

We don't sign our names.