Here goes...

Yay! It amuses me, and I have waay too many musical soundtracks on my laptop. XD And Edward half straightened himself out. He still has other issues. (Like throwing chairs at me when he's angry. )

Canolime: I'm amazed! I found one really close to me. Now all I need is the money for it.

I had a load of different factors going into why I ended up splitting,
I'm not sure exactly when I did however, but I do know I started stuffing my emotions as young
as age six, and some of my alters are that small.
I did have a 'break' around grade eight that I know of and that's probably when it happened.

In my situation I had to walk on eggshells at home, not talk about my feelings when I was upset at home or at school,
so I stuffed them. I also had some problems with the religion I was in, I threw myself into it because
that's all I had- and they taught me some very wrong messages.
In the end, it ended up with me being bullied badly at school (People messing with my mind and public
humiliation) for years and years and years, not being able to share at home and walking on eggshells because
a parent was always sick (Although I was not abused at home, my parents were very loving)
and operating under very backwards religious dogma that ended up making me hate myself-
it was a pretty sad mix, and it's why I ended up with DID.
There was too much for too long, and although I fought my hardest to stay myself (I was very proud to
be myself, regardless of what everyone said) they eventually broke me with their games in the end
but even then- I couldn't show it- and I tried to open up just once to a counsellor, doctor and my parents- and
was shut down immediately, and went as a last resort to my 'best friend' (Who was more of a bully)
who didn't give a $#%^ about my situation... I'm guessing that's when I split...
I had no other coping outlet, I was at the end of my rope after so long, but I couldn't show it... so I had to.

They really don't know too much involving DID, which is why it took me so long to get diagnosed.
But yes... if the bullying is bad enough, and your other coping methods fail, the creative can become split.
You're not alone, hun, I'm sorry you were bullied too.
I hope this helps you come to terms with DID easier, I know I would have been excited to find someone else
long ago, but I eventually came to realize it was the medical profession that doesn't know much,
and just because they don't know it doesn't make it not true

Take care of yourself and remember to smile often and laugh lots!

Cadence Risa wrote:Canolime: I'm amazed! I found one really close to me. Now all I need is the money for it.

Awesome!

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broken_mirror wrote:There was too much for too long, and although I fought my hardest to stay myself (I was very proud to
be myself, regardless of what everyone said) they eventually broke me with their games in the end

I'm sorry, broken_mirror

Hi there!

I'm so sorry to either of you who Jen may have offended. I've had a stressful couple of days, I've only just managed to regain front. She seems to have just about forgiven me though for talking here, I think she just likes the chance to come out and actually be addressed as who she is, rather than as 'me'.

Canolime - you're fantastic, thank you so, so much. I'll keep you updated with looking for a therapist - I had a counselling session yesterday, and I tried, I really really tried, to talk about Jen. He's a hypnotherapist, and I've always had to be careful about how I address 'myself' and 'us'. For the first time, Jen actually got SO angry she took front during the session! Her usual mentality is that the eating disorder sessions are for MY problems, nothing to do with her because she never gets addressed and doesn't believe she needs help anyway. She's completely and ridiculously stubborn about these things (Ow - there she goes again with the pain >.<)

Kris - I don't suppose you know where the quote "Am I feeling what I think I'm feeling, the hope, the heat, the fear?" comes from then?! Sorry, I'm very excited about somebody knowing musical theatre! And congrats on the therapist nearby, that's excellent.

broken_mirror - hello lovely, good to hear from you. I am so, so sorry about your experiences. I have suppressed a lot of emotion I suppose, but I've generally had a great home life so I'm perplexed as to how just the bullying caused this... I mean the bullying was incredibly extreme, but I don't even REMEMBER most of it, and I feel like Jen has been here forever... I don't know. I understand about the religious aspect too, I'm strongly atheist and have been forced into religious schools for academia! It was a great source of bullying for me... Plus the friends who turned out to be the worst bullies of them all...

Wow. Thank you guys so much, this means the world to me and you've been so helpful and supportive. I apologise for Jen in advance, she can be a bit of a mare sometimes and her language is appalling

Anyway. I'd better go for now. Thanks again for everything!

Emily

Next to Normal- Wish I were here, And Kris's hiding. Not because of anything here. She's just a spazz.

Good morning starshine,

Emily has gone utterly hysterical over the concept of somebody else knowing musical theatre, I think you're her new best friend. She's gonna kill me for hijacking "her" thread, but I don't give a $#%^. Sorry about Kris, I know the feeling, I have a hysterical infant screaming in our head every hour God sends, and I have the joy of being her sister. God give me strength.

She's spazzing 'cause she still has feelings for her ex. Who dumped her because she didn't feel anything for her. And she's doing a roleplay with her so all the $#%^'s coming back. Yuck. We also have a screamer...who's name we still don't know. Kris really had better come out tomorrow or I'm gonna end up getting into a fight with her best friend. Again. And I don't think she wants that. And the one thing Kris and I share is our love of musicals. (God, I sound like a gay guy. )

I know the feeling. Emily attempted to actually hold a relationship a couple of months ago with somebody as ###$ up as she was, and it went hideously wrong and ended up with some nasty memories coming to light. The joys of over-dramatic hosts. I suppose that's where the musical theatre comes from, they have a ready-made excuse to be complete drama queens and Emily loves MT and wants a career in it so I have to love it by default, given that I spend my life being her. I do the academia. Somebody sodding well has to.

Sorry about your screamer, like I say, know the feeling. Mine actually comes out when Emily gets so upset she can't actually express her feelings in the body, and lets Echo come out and just sob, it's amazingly effective. Given that she's a child in a mature teenage body everyone feels sorry for her and she gets an instant ego kick.

Oh, and I know the feeling about friends etc. I deal with almost everything social, but every once in a while Emily decides she really LIKES somebody we're friends with and tries to trust them and show herself to them. Somehow she always chooses the wrong person and things go wrong. Personally , I think if you're gonna ###$ everything up, DONT go talking to people as yourself. Ergh. Hope Kris actually comes out then, I hate negotiating after a row that shouldn't have been anything to do with me because Emily refused to sodding well take front.

I'm going to come in here and say again that I apologise for Jen. Her behaviour has been unacceptable and I hope I (well, she) hasn't offended anybody here.

Question for anybody who hasn't been offended by Jen - is this normal?! Now that I'm letting Jen off the leash a bit she's being a nightmare?! I mean I'm actually getting slowly to the point of accepting that this may well be DID, or at least something simliar which needs dealing with, but Jen is playing up worse than ever, Echo is hysterical, Heather is just rolling her eyes and I'm unable to control things as well as usual.

AHH! Any help is appriciated, whatever Jen might say, and I am so so sorry, I'm so ashamed of her.

Emily.

smallcat wrote:I'm going to come in here and say again that I apologise for Jen. Her behaviour has been unacceptable and I hope I (well, she) hasn't offended anybody here.

I've seen much worse. You don't need to keep apologizing for her

smallcat wrote:Question for anybody who hasn't been offended by Jen - is this normal?! Now that I'm letting Jen off the leash a bit she's being a nightmare?!

Yeah, it can be normal. Things should calm down a little, after you work on some stuff. I would elaborate, but I'm having so much trouble thinking today