Canolime - The voices are quite definitely in my head, but at the same time out. I can hear them like they're real voices, but their source is in my head. It's hard to explain. Thank you though, for your thoughts on that. And it's also interesting to know you have denial too about it... Do you talk to yours, etc? I don't really know the terms used to describe this... I thought people didn't know about their alters generally?
Cadense Risa - Yup, that all makes perfect sense. Can you explain a little more about Edward refusing to let you tell anybody? Jen seems to be able to literally cause the entire body pain... I don't know how she manages it, but it's very real and comes out whenever I come anywhere near the subject in counselling etc. And lol at the comment about "you identify yourselves by name and gender..."
InfinitD - Hiya. So you also feel like this at times? How were you diagnosed? That's a general question, actually... I've been in counselling for about a YEAR and nobody has any ideas of this... Jen lets me talk about disassociation and related feelings, and I've known about her forever (although in fairness I've only recently tuned in to Heather, Echo and Vivian, they were always there but I ignored them). She's my best friend in the universe and I can't tell anybody about her.. I've tried to work my way around it, writing stories with characters of "Jen" and "Emily", I've tried hinting... as soon as I do, Jen forces her way to front and/or seriously causes pain. Yet nobody has noticed this glaring thing. Is it often left undiagnosed?
Generally, I've also heard stuff about people NOT KNOWING about their people (alters feels wierd, and yah I mentioned this earlier in the post I think)- is it usual that I'm talking to them quite happily, can hear them talking to each other, am aware of switches and can initiate them myself? (Well, that's only ever me and Jen, although Echo came out the other day when I was under a lot of emotional pressure and just cried). Heather doesn't come out, Vivian can't come out, I won't let her. Is it normal for all of my system to be this... functional? We work together, and while there are trust issues between some of us we generally manage to keep the system intact and working in general society and through college etc. I expect most of people I know would be shocked to know that I have DID - because it's usually only me and Jen, and Jen refuses to tell anyone, she is happily referred to as "Emily" and lives and functions as me, but not as me. She's the closest thing to what I'd describe as an "alter" because she's got so many aspects of me and can pass for me in life, but yet completely isn't and is a personality in her own right.
Misty17 - I think you're right about "finding a disorder" that fits - like I said, I thought for a while I had BPD (which I may well do, but Jen certainly doesn't). And actually now that I'm properly comfortable and don't feel like a freak for having these voices in my head and these people, it's become easier to talk to them and listen to them than ever before. I mean like I've said, Jen and I are constantly talking. Echo however is beginning to tentatively ACTUALLY TALK now I'm prepared to listen, and Heather is talking to me much more and is starting to communicate things that could actually be helpful,not just generl chatter. I'm hoping to try and see if I can get her to take front. Before even that, I'm hoping to be able to get Jen out to talk on this forum, but I've rarely seen her so angry than last night when I first posted. She went absolutely mental at me, and lashed out at my sister (who is my entire world) instead.
broken_mirror - I'm so sorry you experienced terrible bullying. Some of what you said sounds similar to my situation... It's oddly comforting to find somebody whose living with this disorder and has it because of bullying... Makes me feel slightly less like I'm making this up! Thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot to me.
Thank you everyone. I hope I'll be able to get Jen to calm down and maybe talk (she talks plenty usually *
) and thank you even more for at least calming me in terms of then fact that it's possible. Maybe I do, mnaybe I don't have DID, but at least now I'm starting to get information and make an informed decision so I can investigate options at least. Any help you can give me with getting diagnosed, and what the hell I do next (given that I seem to have different eating disorders and problems with different people) etc.Wow. Well. I hope to hear from you all soon. It's good to not be alone.
Emily.
I know what you mean. There's no way I would have considered DID, if I hadn't started reading this board. It's very different than what most people think. When I was trying to figure out what the heck was happening to me, when I didn't have control over my body, I was looking at mood disorders and stuff... multiple personalities never entered my mind. I didn't know co-consciousness existed.
I don't think you'll have to lock her up. That should be reserved for someone who's a danger to someone. Just try talking it out with her.
)
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