How do i know?

Hey there!

I originally signed up on here to find out information for a character I want to write for an intriguing new story, but now that I've found this place very welcoming and accepting of everyone. I was wondering if I could have alters and not know it? Like I've felt that there's someone else here with me(i suffer from Bipolar and I've just chalked it up to that, could i be wrong?) because the me I know is a nice, polite, caring, shy person, a book worm type of person. and the other one I feel is the opposite of me, wanting to be outgoing, center of attention, very random, lustful, dangerous. And it scares me that I feel this way but I don;t want to sound crazy to the people around me. I've had names float around in my mind and I know their not for characters, I feel their connected to me. I sometimes use them as nicknames, user names, character names for games etc. The name Jaede has been with me since I was 12/13 a name my mother wanted to name me instead of what my father named me, I feel like with the name I associate it with a personality that's in the background, she's mysterious and I don't have much with her. There's Xeven(7) he's a demon like thing, he came around when I moved in with my boyfriend, I thought that he was something evil like a spirit come to bother me, then one night when i was trying to fall asleep, I felt like he was at the window and I heard something from him "I'm going for coffee, I'll be back later" I thought it was funny and it was just me being humorous but he's been in the background as the mischievous one. Kitti is a pet name that my bf gave me but again with the name my mind associates it with a personality, she's more of a tamed sex kitten/with a mix of the regular me. I don't know much about her.And the newest one is Nyne, the one that I think is causing much of my turmoil, I know she LOVES being dangerous and causing trouble, more than Jaede and Xeven put together.....part of me just doesn't want to go further into knowing any of them because I don't want to sound crazy or be wrong...and it could just me being a writer. I haven't gone to see a therapist because I don't have the money and where I live its not something that can be provided for free.

So my question is, how do I know if these "feelings of them" are real and not imagined?

Edit: I remember a incident that happened a few years ago, I thought it was a ghostly encounter but I don't know I could be wrong. I woke up one morning to the sound of the phone ringing and I answered it, went to the bathroom and as I was closing the door when I was done, I felt this little hand underneath me...a little girls....and immediately i know stuff about her....her name was Amy, age 6 and a half....she wore a beautiful white lace dress...something out of the Victorian era....she stayed around for a while, keeping me company, making me feel less alone. At one point I thought she might have been my guardian angel.
After a few weeks of being with me, she left when I went for a walk near a cemetery by my old place....I honestly believe that she was real....whether she might have been an alter or a ghost or a guardian angel. I don't know if this helps at all but I thought I would add it.

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Er... a few questions Ms Nemo:

1. Do you lose time?
2. These others you described, do they take over? e.g. one of them is eating a cake, you can see the cake being eaten but you're not eating it?
3. Have they ever communicated with you?

The answers to these don't def mean DID & obviously none of us can diagnose you, but they'd be good at giving you a starting point.
-Ker

mosaicmonkey wrote:Er... a few questions Ms Nemo:

1. Do you lose time?
2. These others you described, do they take over? e.g. one of them is eating a cake, you can see the cake being eaten but you're not eating it?
3. Have they ever communicated with you?

The answers to these don't def mean DID & obviously none of us can diagnose you, but they'd be good at giving you a starting point.
-Ker

@ker,
1.I don't lose time, I get spacey/empty headed for short periods...my memory of my past is foggy like I only remember a few things and the rest is murky fog. I can't seem to recall must of the most recent past, I was asked to think back to 2008 and I could only remember little bits and pieces.
2.I've had one take over i think(main word here is think) I was me, then I felt like i wasn't me. I've done things I can't explain why...I've seen myself do these things but I'm not there but there.
3. yes, Xeven has, Nyne has, and Amy has. There's one that I call mother involuntarily, she tells me to brush my teeth when i don't want to, when I'm sad and unhappy in my relationship she's telling me advice. Comforting me when I need it. She does the motherly things...I never know when she comes around until i hear her telling me to do things.

@we'reReal, I don't want to have DID, I just want to know whats wrong with me and if these voices are real. If these are alters that want to be acknowledge by me.
I don't want to feel like I'm crazy.

hi ms.Nemo

I am not going to imply either way that youre pretending or not because well we've had that happen to us before on a forum and it really hurts alot.. esp. when youve talk to people ther alot and made friends and supported them all. my suggestion is to do what we did.
we told our primary care dr. ( we had to write her a letter about it instead of face to face cause of our anxiety tho) then she referred us to an ER which then the recently took us to a psychiatric center for a psych eval. but the only reason we had to go the long way around to see a psych dr was due to $ issues and no insurance. so if you really want to know the truth.. see a psych dr.
but be sure you tell them everything including the wanting to be a writer part.

Also- Hiding doesnt really want me to mention this and is telling me not to, but it sorta angers me which is why I am replying to this instead of her.

but it really is totally not cool that you would come here to "research" for a character for a story.
SADIE

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Everyone has parts that don't seem like them, spacey moments, and whatnot.
Go get yourself checked professionally.

It's curious to me that you would want DID. It sounds more like wishful thinking.
No one wants to be abused. No one wants to have ended up with this disorder.
I spend lots of time in denial about it and I'm very ashamed about it.
It's not something you bring up in conversation. People don't understand. It means
you've been horribly abused.
If you want to know if you're DID, it's usually to explain a lifetime of difficulty, and
just wanting a diagnosis, an answer to it all, so that you can begin the appropriate treatment.
If you are DID, maybe you've gravitated here as a response to your problems.
If that's the case I hope you can get the appropriate treatment.

My kids are feeling threatened knowing you came here to research for a book.
This is supposed to be a safe place.
I personally don't like it. Don't use anything I've posted, please.
I want to be able to keep coming back here, and I won't be able to otherwise.

That does sound DID-ish, to me (but you know... not a psych/can't diagnose ). I would normally elaborate, but I'm not in the best mood. Maybe I will, later...

We'reREAL wrote:I read in one of your other posts where you said that all you remembered was the bad and the exciting. That to me doesn't sound classic DID or why it would present itself.

I remember a lot of bad stuff... that doesn't mean I remember everything.

broken_mirror wrote:It's curious to me that you would want DID.

broken_mirror, read the following quote

ms.nemo wrote:I don't want to have DID, I just want to know whats wrong with me and if these voices are real. If these are alters that want to be acknowledge by me.
I don't want to feel like I'm crazy.

So my question is, how do I know if these "feelings of them" are real and not imagined?

For usual intents and purposes, I don't think you really can. Not ultimately. To know that for sure, you'd be them and they'd be you so therefore there would be no split.

It's kind of like asking if you can read another person's mind. Maybe you could. Maybe you can't. But in most cases you can't prove it either way.

And also, from a philosophical standpoint, what is real? What is imagined? Aren't imagined things 'real' in some sense? You can perceive it, and talk about it, right? Doesn't that indicate a qualia which is there to be perceived? If it weren't in some way real, how could you have something to talk about?

broken_mirror wrote:It's curious to me that you would want DID. It sounds more like wishful thinking.
No one wants to be abused.

broken_mirror wrote:
My kids are feeling threatened knowing you came here to research for a book.
This is supposed to be a safe place.
I personally don't like it. Don't use anything I've posted, please.
I want to be able to keep coming back here, and I won't be able to otherwise.

broken_mirror, I don't want DID and its not wishful thinking. I just want an answer to the chaos that's in my mind. I'm ashamed of even asking of whether or not this could be a possibility for me. I am terribly confused. I feel like I have to keep whatever's going on to myself and I came here looking for research but found somewhere to ask for help/advice. I posted in another forum topic that if people would like to share they can,but they don't have to. I'm not here to snoop through people's lives or cause harm; I made sure that my intentions were clear as to why i was originally here. I feel hurt that people are asuming that I want this, I don't want anything but the truth of who I am and where I belong. I am feeling very unwelcome now, and I feel like asking about any of this was a big mistake.

@canolime, thank you.