My therapist said I sucked.

Hi - I am new and actually was directed here by someone who posted a comment on my blog.

I need some help or advice because I have never experienced what I am experiencing now, regarding a therapist.

I moved here a year ago and I started with this therapist 3 months ago. I feel 100% WORSE about myself.
The therapist constantly forgets things about me, even things that one would expect a therapist to remember; the therapist told a protector part that he sucked, the therapist has lied; and today she told me that many of my reactions and feelings were "ridiculous."

I broke down in tears. I cried so hard I could barely see and left. I have had 2 other therapists and never felt like this.

It's almost like the therapist has no idea how to work through transference issues or therapy things and only wants to "see" parts. She doesn't want to deal with where the feelings are coming from, just ignore them because they are "ridiculous."

I feel so horrible and everything is messed up worse.

How do I know if it is "me" that is the problem versus the therapist? This just doesn't feel right?

Thanks.

Because a therapist doesn't bully patients into tears. A therapist doesn't tell anyone in the system they suck or that their feelings are ridiculous.

But then again, who knows what the actual context of the therapist saying this is in. Maybe you're reaction right now is ridiculous. Maybe your therapist is doing this because she knows you're just looking for sympathy and not real answers. We don't know because we'd have to hear the whole conversation to understand. I can't side with you or against you because of that.

If you really don't like your therapist, you CAN find a new one, ya know. Nobody's chained you to this one.

Sympathy?
My understanding of transference reactions such as those bought on when a therapist takes a call during a session, is to work through them, no matter what "feelings" they bring up. So for example, my feeling of not being important when the therapist takes a call should be addressed, not told that they are "ridiculous."
Or my feelings after being told that my "time slot" is being moved for another client would also be important in a therapeutic sense, seeing as my childhood consisted of moving from foster home to foster home causing me to feel not important and less liked than others; instead of my reactions/feelings being told that they are "ridiculous."

Sympathy? No, I am looking for empathy and understanding regarding how things affect me, so I can understand them as well.

This person sounds a total fool. If I knew somebody said that to my partner I'd go mental.

This is not right!! And sounds as if will aventualy make things worse rather than better!! You said you feel worse please don't continue to feel worse.

Is there somebody you can talk to and find out about changing therapists?? By sounds this person is just making things worse for you.

Its a good thing you're on these boards now thought they seem to help my partner a lot.

I hope things work out for you

That was the correct response I was looking for from you. I can definitely say with ease you need a new therapist. Your's sounds like a real dumb twat who should have her licence revoked.

Then to hell with your therapist. If they aren't listening to you and aren't bothering to remember things about you, then the don't care. And if they don't care, then to hell with them. You are the one coming to them for help. They should be helping. If they aren't then ditch them and find someone who will.

-R

Find a new therapist, stat.

I had a counsellor once (Bad idea) that I felt worse every single time a session was ended.
It got worse and worse and I had a breakdown and it took me a long time before I'd consider it again.
They pushed me past my limits constantly ignoring my pleas to stop and actually damaged me further.

You deserve someone who won't treat you this way, good luck finding a new therapist,
sorry you met one of the bad ones

Our last therapist (prior to the one we have now who is WONDERFUL) was like that. And we would get screamed at if someone else came out in a session. She likened them to imaginary friends and told me I needed to "grow out of it" and "suck it up and deal with my past in a normal way". She caused a LOT of harm. So much so that our current therapist has had to do a lot of work to help us heal from the trauma caused by the other therapist, and we still are working on that.

You should NEVER leave a session in tears, feeling invalidated, feeling worse about yourself, or questioning yourself/selves. That is NOT ever OK. And she should NEVER take a call while you're in session. EVER. (Unless her partner or child is laying dying on the side of the road or something.) These things are all very hurtful, unprofessional, unsympathetic, and just plain WRONG.

Can you see someone else? A specialist maybe? That is what we did and it has been so helpful. It's expensive (we have no insurance) but is well worth it to feel cared for, receive validation, actually have someone HELP, and to know that if someone begins to be very upset in session, she will not say "time's up". She makes sure we are in a safe place before we leave. I think it is important to have these things in a therapist in general, but especially when you have D.I.D. If you have any resources, try asking if any doctor or maybe the head of the place where you get therapy can reccommend a therapist who has a lot of experience with D.I.D. patients.

I learned yesterday that our former therapist had her license taken away and is not allowed to practice any type of therapy with anyone. I'm hoping yours ends up in the same boat. Maybe they can meet and belittle one another.

-Mik

Is there someplace one can report messed up behaviour by a therapist? These people are in a position of power... and are often complete morons, or worse.

Mr. Bates wrote:That was the correct response I was looking for from you. I can definitely say with ease you need a new therapist. Your's sounds like a real dumb twat who should have her licence revoked.

Mr. Bates, it is arrogant to say "this was the correct response I was looking for". Those words suggest you are in a position of control. That is such bad gaming for people on this forum who have been abused (i.e. controlled) by abusive people. I know that in the end you are well-meaning, but I am letting you know this is NOT okay with ME!