Jobs

Hi Yeah! It's "F" yeah.
I'm kinda scared about her new job thing, yeah.
I've got all kinds of scared unrested hurt inside me and it's not
ready to be coming out but It needs to come out cause it is getting
in the way of things but I actually dissociated today and it was new
cause usually I am doing the one protecting but "C" came and now my body
is all numb it's weird I see why she doesn't like it yeah.

It isn't ok for boys to cry so it's hard for me to cry yeah.
It's ok yeah?

So she is getting a job after a really long time at the end of the week and
I'm all scared and upset and nervous but it's ok I guess but I'm still scared.
I'm just so tired of everyone hurting us I don't want anyone to hurt us anymore
so I'm scared and I tell her to be careful but I can't save her from mean people anymore.

So now I realizing that my worrying isn't helping and it's actually not helping yeah.
But I am worrying cause it's tiring to be hurt all the time and I take care of her making
sure we don't get hurt anymore yeah.
But I got all this hurt bottled up and it's scary to let it out.
If I can let it out then maybe I can trust more because my limit isn't stretched anymore yeah.
Then maybe she can do more things without me worrying yeah?
And I'm always awake I'm so tired but I don't know how to go to sleep like everyone else I'm so tired yeah
I've been awake for years even during the nighttime I've been learning to sleep
during the nighttime but still can't in the day it's weird yeah I wish MAYBE i wish I could sleep during
the day at least a little IF i know it's safe for her.

I'm so scared I wanna keep her safe but I don't know how except to worry and keep her away from
harm but it's NOT HELPING!!!!

"F"... Thanks for listening yeah I just had to say it because it's big and it's draining on me yeah.

Is it ok for me to be posting yeah?

You say "yeah" a lot, lol

Also, there is nothing wrong with boys crying. Sometimes its a good way to just vent out and you usually feel a lot better once you get it all out.

Just let it out, F, just empty your system, dude.

I'll try my best yeah, it's really hard cause I'm not used to it yeah.

Yeah I guess I do say yeah alot yeah? I think it's cause it feel safer when
I do it yeah it's a Yeah day when we do it back and forth with my friends
Makes me a little selfconcious when people point it out but I'm just me yeah.

I really want her to take the other job but we'll see how it goes.
Thanks yeah.