She's gone :(

Hi guys

Not sure what I'm trying to ask, suppose I just wanted to talk to someone about it & also hear your thoughts.

A memory was triggered in our ‘original’ after something she saw on TV I think, anyway, this was a week ago & she’s gone since. Her partner was really worried so asked J (a little) to look for her, as he’s always been the only one who could find her when she left.

He went away & came back like a day later & told us that she’s in the basement in a dark room & locked the doors & won’t speak. He said he doesn’t like it because it’s really dark down there. This worried me as Mara is actually terrified of the dark, so she must be pretty upset to be alone in the dark for a week!

Anyway, he also said that she knew about the others now - there were 8 alters she had either forgotten/never met which Josh & I knew about. We had agreed not to overwhelm her with meeting 8 new people, but do it slowly which the others also agreed to.

J has been crying a lot because he misses her, because he said Josh & I don’t play with him right & we're no fun & we don’t hug him properly when he’s upset, so yesterday he asked Sabrina to take him to see Mara. Sabrina said she opened the door & let J come in, but still isn’t talking.

Whilst her life on the outside is fine, & no-one would know unless we told them, I think it’s really important for her to come back. Even if she just comes back to our rooms but doesn’t come out much. It’s upsetting for J & he left yesterday refusing to come back until Mara comes back.

I don’t know what to do, whilst we could all group together & drag her out, I don’t think that’s a great idea & I don’t think it’ll help. She missed an interview yesterday which I went to & she would’ve loved it there & also today she’s supposed to be seeing the CPN (psychiatric nurse) but she’s not here. Also, I'm tired of having to remember to answer to her name!!

She’s done this before & always come back on her own & I’ve given her the space to do this, but because of the type of memory it was, I'm worried the shock may leave her to stay there forever.

One thing we definitely don’t want is to lose her. She’s part of our family & we miss her. Even though we can function without her, it's not the same & I sure as hell don’t wanna be doing her job for all eternity.

What would you guys do? Should we leave her knowing J is with her, so she should be ok?

In other news… Kaia, another of our littles, came out & said hi to Mara’s partner last night which was a complete & utter shock as she’s usually so quiet. It’s all fun & games in the DID-house!!

- Kerry

Jeez, is EVERYONE'S original going into hiding on this forum? Seems to be the cool new thing to do, I almost feel left out. Almost.

Slip her a note saying Bates called her childish and irresponsible. Because that's what that is. Taking off like that! What good does THAT do anybody? Certainly doesn't help the system any!

Well one thing is for sure, she can't stay in there forever.
You guys are all part of a team and that involves teamwork!
Your system is a lot different than mine (Mine doesn't have doors or rooms)
so I don't really understand the concept of that enough to help that way.
Was what Mr. Bates said correct? Are you able to slip her notes under the door?
Maybe keep her informed and updated and let her know you guys need her.
If she won't talk, maybe she can write? I'm not sure exactly how that works for you guys.
Remind her that no matter how horrible the memory is, it's not happening anymore and she's in a safer place now.
She needs to be courageous and get back out there, even if it just means a little bit at a time until
she's processed the memory.
I really, really wish you all luck. I wish I could help.

Sorry not to be of any help and only ask a question, but how did you all establish these worked out Inner systems that enable you all to communicate properly and even when one is disappeared? That inner 'house' really seems a great thing. I'd be much interested, even though this is not the issue here. Best wishes for getting your host back. I'm sure once she's digested the memory, she'll be back.

I remember when I left. I was gone for 3 months before Jef called out to me. When I came back I went through sensory overload, because nothing was as I remembered it. I don't really have one of these inner houses per say, but I can sense the presence of my alters and vice versa especially if one of us is feeling something strong. We can all hear each other on some level even if were not in a direct conversation.

Do you know what the memory was? If you do maybe you can help her cope with it. We all share memories, but without the sense of nostalgia or being there if we weren't out during that time. The only exception is that Jef doesn't like viewing Freud's memories.

I know she didn’t choose to leave so I don’t mind. I don’t really feel annoyed or anything for it. We’re all quite self sufficient & I can handle all her stuff at work & when we’re home, we mostly come out as & when anyway so no major biggie – there are only 2-3 handful of us who only come out solely when triggered. Our system is pretty stable at the moment, there are a few people who complain, but they can kiss my ass.

You’re right she can’t stay in there forever… Josh knows what the memory is, he won’t tell me, but it involves abuse of someone she’s close to so I think that’s why it was too much for her to handle. I think that makes it harder for her, because it’s not just her suffering but remembering the suffering of someone she cares for immensely.

Yesterday Josh pretty much dragged her out & told her if she’s not gonna talk to us, she needs to talk to the CPN, but that didn’t help one bit as the CPN forgot about us & asked if we could reschedule for 2 weeks time. Stupid cow, she is so f**king unreliable & just makes matters worse in our system so we’ve all agreed (& once Mara opens her mouth, if she agrees) we’re not going back. When we really need their help, they’re never around so what’s the point exactly?

Anyway, she’s not locked downstairs anymore, she’s back with us, but still hasn’t said much. It’s a step in the right direction. I would never leave her for 3 months, that wouldn’t help her one bit!! Just hope she gets over it & is back to normal soon.

Bates: When I told her what you said she turned… this is an improvement!! Haha, you should feel left out, it’s the new fashion for us DID types
Broken Mirror: I don’t really feel hard done by, nor does Josh as she has always been pretty awesome at trying to help us all. Thanks for the suggestion though, I suppose I should try more to talk to her rather than just let her be.
Jef: I didn’t think of the sensory overload but you have a point. I wouldn’t leave her for 3 months to be honest, last time we did that was years ago & it made things so much worse. I don’t have the memory so I can’t help, but Josh knows what it is. He thinks it maybe came from one of our littles – she struggles to control her thoughts/emotions etc & sometimes projects them on to us.
Sebastian: Our system is rather complicated… but basically, it took a lot of letters in note books to each other, sitting in trees in our back garden & “searching” for each other and talking & arguing & crying until we eventually decided we have to live together so no point fighting. Don’t get me wrong we still argue & there are some who are more co-operative than others, but for the most part we’re cool. Everyone can come out as long as it won’t cause a problem, when they want, so that makes it easier. When we’re at home the kids can come out & play with our brother & sister -in-law, and draw & stuff. I’m not really sure how the house was created to be honest, but we all have our own rooms… & there are other places where sometimes if someone is scared or hurt or something happens that they go to… It’s helpful for us to be able to know when someone is there but not coming out. I don’t think, unless integration has happened, that anyone can truly disappear. Sometimes they just go back for whatever reason. Most of the time, if you go searching you can find them. E.g. with Mara, J always is able to find her no matter where she is.

Thanks for the reply My girlfriends system isn't as complex consisting of just 4 persons. Communication works rather like for J3f. They never really tried establisheing more precise communication cause it all worked fine that way. Now this sort of method is really missing though. No sign of anyone, the kid ALL alone not feeling too well, although she handles the situation really bravely. And since this is all new to her she has no technique of searching for anyone. I'll write another post soon, would really appreciate any thoughts then. Why the hell are they leaving the baby alone for a week now, when their whole purpose is protecting her???!!!!
Happy for you though to have Mara back. Suppose what she's going through with this is part of it all really.

Sebastian wrote:Thanks for the reply My girlfriends system isn't as complex consisting of just 4 persons. Communication works rather like for J3f. They never really tried establisheing more precise communication cause it all worked fine that way. Now this sort of method is really missing though. No sign of anyone, the kid ALL alone not feeling too well, although she handles the situation really bravely. And since this is all new to her she has no technique of searching for anyone. I'll write another post soon, would really appreciate any thoughts then. Why the hell are they leaving the baby alone for a week now, when their whole purpose is protecting her???!!!!
Happy for you though to have Mara back. Suppose what she's going through with this is part of it all really.

Ah ok. For a while we were only 4, but there were more lurking in the shadows. We're still trying to sort it out so everything works as well as it did when there were less of us. It's harder now though as we only were aware of 1 child, whereas there are now 4 kids. 2 of them never come out & have some serious issues we're trying to resolve, but Kaia has no concept of when it's ok/not to come out, so we're trying to work on that! Personally, i think it's absolutely essential to be able to communicate properly. If you're stuck together forever more, then you need to be able to talk to each other! As for why they left, there are a million things that could answer that but it is a very valid question. Hope you get some answers soon.

So the lovely Mara has returned from Neverland. But now we have another problem. She can't remember anything since June 2009 (she thought it was mid June!) & she can't speak. I mean, she must be actually able to speak, but she won’t - be it willingly or not. She signs (ASL) which means she can communicate with her mom & her partner who she started teaching to sign. It's just weird! I do not know what’s going on!

- Ker

What a strange predicament. Well surely she can still type and talk on here!