Hi ..New and Struggling

Hi ,
Im new to these boards but am hoping maybe there might be some other people who can understand some of the things Im going through,I really would appreciate any support ....thankyou .
Please bear with me as I try to explain .Im in long term therapy and am really trying to open up with my therapist which I find really difficult ,Ive tried explaining to him about 'the others' in my head .He knows about the dissociation etc as well as other things .Ive tried to share more about them with him ,which I dont find easy and sometimes I find his response confusing which is just making things harder.I dont know if he accepts that 'the others' are there and I cant just ignore them , if he acknowledges their existance but doesnt really want to know them or work with them or if he just doesnt accept they exist at all ..Im confused .
Sometimes when Ive tried to explain about them he really doesnt seem to get it ,for example the other day I told him that are different ages,some are male,some female .One of them Im actually really scared of (sorry if that sounds stupid),she is really hard,threatens me and some of the others ,has physically hurt herself and me .She hates my husband (which I find really difficult) and she doesnt trust my therapist either .I dont know if anyone else can understand what Im going through.
My husband keeps saying Im different people (he doesnt know about DID) .As Im going through some extremely difficult and traumatic things in therapy 'the others' have got much ' louder' .Im not sure if my therapist is going to acknowledge their existance properly and if he doesnt or wont ,then its going to make my therapy even harder .Im worried about one of them coming out in therapy ,Im worried about that for lots of reasons ,one reason being that Im scared about how my therapist will respond to any of them .
Apologies if Ive not expressed myself well but thankyou for reading .

Cloudgirl

Welcome!
I would advise telling your therapist that you're concerned about how he treats the others. If he is refusing to acknowledge them, then maybe you should look around for another therapist. The others are there, and they need to be recognized and acknowledged.

You expressed yourself very well hon.

Our past therapist knew I have D.I.D. but refused to work with us in that capacity and I would get screamed at if someone else came out in therapy. This went on for about two years. She did a lot more harm than good (no good, actually). We ended up having to drop her and find someone who specializes in D.I.D. and trauma. It's been over a year with our "new" therapist and we still don't necessarily trust her, but we know -and she knows- that this will take a lot of time and she has assured us that she has all the time in the world. When others come out in therapy she treats them like separate people and no one ends up getting yelled at or anything.

Sometimes when therapists don't know much about D.I.D. they refuse to work with those of us who have it, at least with that part of our mental health. They'll try to work around it on other issues we might have, which is what it sounds like your therapist is doing. The thing is, until your system learns to work together and communicate and co-operate, that other stuff can't really be worked on. It takes a village...

I agree with Nessie that you should try to speak to him about this directly, then if he is not responsive I'd suggest searching for a specialist. They are more than willing to work with ALL OF YOU, know what they're doing, and won't skate around the D.I.D. like it's some scary monster hiding in the proverbial closet.

Best of luck!

-Leigh

I was that person in a system who scared everyone else. I had to slowly accept that I wasn't helping anyone, let alone myself, in doing that. But I was like that (and still am sometimes, though it's gettin' better) because I'm pissed off about situations we have found ourselves in over the years. Maybe this mean person in your system needs someone else there who is firm but not mean to sit her ass down and explain to her that she's not doing anyone any good by acting out, especially not herself.

-Doña

It's not stupid at all. One of my alts is a total bitch, and I can't retaliate because nothing gets to her. And another one actually seems to want us dead, at least in theory.

Be CAREFUL in therapy. It's expensive, it's time-consuming, it's stressful. The therapist has an obligation to listen to you and at least TRY to humor you. I mean, c'mon, who would LIE to a therapist about hearing voices? That crap is scary to talk about, no one is gonna make it up. Try to get him to understand, but don't be too patient, either. If he has a problem with DID, he should have told you upfront.

-Ravin

Thankyou everyone for the welcome ,
Ive just seen my therapist again ,it was awful ,originally I had thought that maybe I wasnt explaining about 'the others' very well and that perhaps he just couldnt understand what I was trying to share,I then started to wonder whether maybe he just didnt have experience about DID but after this session Im getting the feeling that he actually does know full well what is going on but doesnt want to really know,talk or work with us all .I tried to share with him more about one of them who is female and he wouldnt even refer to her as her (she hasnt come out properly with him and hasnt felt safe enough to share her name ) but even when I tried to explain that she isnt a thing she is actually female he still didnt change .It was awful as I was having to try and keep them inside and it was awful for her inside to be there and know he wasnt even really acknowledging her real existance .Also for me ,it has left me really scared as I had tried to explain to her prior to therapy that is trying to help us all and that its ok to talk to him .What he has said about her has made her so angry ,upset and further invalidated by adults .I just dont understand why he wont acknowledge them all properly and talk with them .He says he wants me to go through the traumas and work through it all with him but how is that possible when he wont talk with them and its all of them that carry so much of it .
Sorry if Im not making much sense .

Thankyou again everyone .
Cloudgirl

Cloudgirl wrote:He says he wants me to go through the traumas and work through it all with him but how is that possible when he wont talk with them and its all of them that carry so much of it .
Sorry if Im not making much sense .

It makes perfect sense to me because that is the kind of crap my old therapist pulled. It's not going to help you or anyone else there. Next time you see him, I'd just ask if he can refer you to someone who specializes in dissociative disorders and trauma, since he is unwilling to help you. He's making this about HIS comfort level, not YOURS and that's just not a good therapist.

-Leigh

I hate to judge a person I don't know anything about, but from what you said, this guy should have his license suspended. Psychology is a crowded field, and having a "doctor" display all the stereotypes of an uncooperative PATIENT is intolerable. That's the kind of crap WE'RE supposed to pull, not the "sane" ones.

I have women in my system as well, so I know how it feels like to be disenfranchised like that. One of them is here with me telling me what to write, which is why I'm sounding so opinionated on this.

Thankyou for your replies .
I really need to know if he (therapist) is going to acknowledge all of us or not ,Im feeling really scared at the moment and uncertainty around my therapist isnt helping .
Just want to share something ,hope thats ok .Most of the time it seems that whilst one of 'my others' may come out, I do sometimes seem sort of aware of this .There are times when I dont remember anything if one of them has come out but mostly it feels like I am somewhere far away ,in the distant like a spectator ,almost like Im aware (ish) of what happening but cant say or do anything ,it all seems rather foggy until I come back .There are times when one of them just comes out and talks and I feel unable to stop them .Is any of this similar to anyone elses experiences ?Also one day recently one of them came out and shared things with somebody ,the person who she talked with is somebody who I really trust and that person was actually really accepting of her .Afterwards when we were at home ,not only was she coming out frequently but one of the others was as well ,I felt really strange,I was exhausted but it felt like all of them were full of energy (this probably sounds really strange ..apologies ) .

Thankyou for your support

Cloudgirl

That doesn't sound the least bit strange to me.

Do you ever have moments where the others aren't really there with you, and even though you have all your memories in your system, they aren't really "your" memories, and it's like a slideshow with only one memory at a time instead of a coherent timeline? This happens to me, and it's scary because I know what's happened, but I can't process it or understand it. I'm wondering if this is what everyone experiences, or if I'm just in denial of the memories?

As for your therapist, there's only one way to find out if he's going to suddenly start listening to you. And each time you try to find out, you're going to be out another few hundred, or however much you're paying.

Thanks for your reply .
I do know what you mean about the slideshow type of thing ,Im finding a lot of whats happening at the moment really scary .
Im not sure if this is anything anyone else has go on ,but Ive found that one of my 'others' (who is male) has been really having difficulty with what we wear .Hard to explain but ,he tends to come out when certain things are triggered . The other day he was out( but because Im co.conscious most of the time I could kind of see what was happening from a distance then we ended up struggling ) he couldnt understand why we were getting dressed and putting on girls clothes ,I dont dress in a 'feminine way' anyway but he was really stressed that I was putting on female undewear etc .
Sorry if this all sounds very odd ,does anyone else have situations like this ?and what do you do ? it was stressful particularly as
we were getting ready for therapy .

Thanks everyone for your support .

Cloudgirl