the morning

that moment that is hardest to remember. the passing between dreams and the waking world. I would take a deep breath to smell fresh rain, slightly damp air and the random berry smell from my air freshener attempting to compete with nature, it just won't cut it. Not awake yet, still in the twilight, someone is scratching my head and I feel someone's hand on my arm, its so calming. My eyes begin to open and I notice there is no hand on my arm, it goes cold. My head was never gently being caressed, it goes cold. I sit there wondering what these memories are of, why am I smelling fresh rain, feeling someone's fingers in my hair, the warmth and love of someone next to me. Have I felt this before and somehow memories remain? Is this my dream of the ideal love and wake up call?

Its a hot morning, hasn't rained in weeks. I get out of bed and stumble to the shower, the moment the ice cold water hits us I barely flinch but Jack and Cam wake and damn near jump out of our skin. As we're waiting for the water to heat I ask them what they felt. We all felt the same, like someone was there with us but isn't. Jack knows something but won't tell us, we know it. I was here first, its my body before theirs, but when it comes to knowing what's best for me that is Jack's responsibility.
Getting dressed out of the shower I see my fake hardback covers for novels and history books and casually slide one over journal #93, 2008 2nd-3rd quarter. It's time to re-read the past year again so I know. I like to use fake book covers because people just see a history book and shrug it off, no one asks what you're reading. But when you're reading a mixture of printed and handwritten notebooks it draws attention, everyone has to pry and ask what it is.
As I put the journal in my bag I look to Jack's corner, his box is open. I want to peek inside, I want to know what jack was reading, it had to have been that night before because his box was left closed the previous day. Jack tells me no, all thats in that box are bits of pain from our past that I don't need to trouble myself with relearning. Jack is right, he can handle the tough stuff, he knows what is best for us and always has. As curious as I am I know whatever I'd read in there is just going to hurt me.
But I cant help shake the feeling that whatever he read that night was what made me feel so warm when I woke up...

john21,'
maybe you are right, and what jack read did you feel warm this morning.
Even though you dont know, was the reaction so bad?

you are very smart and clever with your system, sometimes
things are just things.

Blessings,
Red

I have no real doubt now that its what made me feel so good that morning. But I know that the devil comes in many forms, and often pleasure is one of them. If jack feels its smart to hide it from us then I'm sure he's right.


oh and if you think thats clever you should see my iphone. I have so many contacts and blurbs on there, its my main go to for memories on the fly.

Recognisable.. I like your writing-style, btw.

thanks dimensional, i never really realized but i really like writing. its kinda an art to me i guess, i figure i do enough of it i better get good at word choice.

I cant afford to be a #######5 author cause im the only person that reads my work and i gotta keep my audience XD