Where is the line drawn?

Are all of your alters distinct different personalities? Is that they way it work for everyone? I have voices in my head that are resident distinct personality facets (as I call them). The have different like, dislikes, when stronger / in charge dress differently and act moderately differently. But, they don't have distinct names, genders (other than mine), ages, or anything more than something akin to saved resident bipolar personality states (yes, I have bipolar I). I have a manic-me. She likes to take charge, be the center of attention, kick ass (well, would like to if say the apocalypse came and she could go around killing zombies), dress provocatively, be sexually direct, be head strong, accept no defeat, and never give in. I have OCD/depressive me, and she is...well...very depressing. She berates everything I do. Every mistake I make is evidence that I am a horrible and "bad" person (i.e. - evil) and not worthy of happiness or salvation. So far, it probably sound like pure bipolar, except that they are there even when I am not in one of their "episodes". Manic-me and depressive-me argue a lot, or used to (the Seroquel has made manic-me very quiet altely, and I am now having problems because of it). I also have a logical-me, the now me. Manic-me likes to tease me by calling me the diplomat. I have just found from observation that normal people seem to integrate the different aspects of themselves better, and have tried to do that with mine. But, it has come to my attention that perhaps I am wrong, and normal people don't really have these other selves... About a year ago, I found another self. She doesn't have a voice. She is the innocent, happy-go-lucky me, as if a part of me that escaped the burdens and hardships of life and was able to retain that beauty that we charish in children. I would not say she has an age or is a child, be she has the innocence and beauty of one. We all like her. She only comes out for me, though... She doesn't like the others, granted no one likes depressive-me.

Is this normal? Is this DID, or perhaps some minor form of it? Is it something else entirely? Manic-me, though sometimes annoying never gives me true problems (except when she is in charges, as she is rather impulsive and un-well-thoughtout), but she has gone quiet (perhaps the Seroquel meant to stop my manic episodes). But, depressive-me is going strong and I am having huge problems. I am logical, and as depressive and moderately unlogical as she is, sometimes she has good points. She is good at showing patterns... Logic is derived from patterns.

Saturday was a bad day, and when someone asked me what I was doing all I could respond was "existing somewhere between nothingness and hell". I rescheduled my pdoc appt for today (it was supposed to be next week), and tried to explain the depressive-me voice is my head that is driving me beyond my limits. My doctor, not feeling I was stablized enough for an anti-deoressant, upped my Seroquel to taking it in the day and gave me more Klonopin for when she started crushing me. He then told me to evict her... I said if I could, I would have already. So, he said to charge her rent... I know he was trying to lighten my mood, but I am not in a good place now and that helped very little.

When I chose him, the listing I found from my insurance said he did adult therapy, and I was fairly confident I needed therapy (plus, what I read bipolar responds better to meds and therapy). So far, I have gotten no more than 15 minutes of his time. I put it off at first, because I read it is best to stabilize a bipolar patient in a mixed episode before starting therapy, but now I am starting to worry that he has no intention of helping me through therapy...

Where am I? What am I? Where do I go? What should I do? And, is there anything that will make this horrible, evil, crushing voice stop?

I can't give you too much help on the alter stuff, but I'll just point something out about therapy.

Most MDs just give meds. There are some analysts/therapists who are MDs, but most are not.

For therapy, you might do better to look for a psychologist. Especially a psychologist who specializes in that kind of stuff.

As for finding a good therapist, if you are in a good size city, there are probably groups where you can talk to other mental health services consumers and slowly get an idea of which local doctors are best (according to the people you meet).

There is a cool website at http://www.heart7.net/ that deals with some issues dealing with past traumas. I think most people with that kind of difficulty have experienced serious trauma, and support networks are probably as helpful as a lot of other therapies.

Good luck.