Advice to a girlfriend..

Hello I've been dating Brett for around a year and a half and I've always noticed him occasionally zoneing out and before we lived together his old roommates told me stories about how he was a violent sleepwalker. what I mean by violent is they would be in the living room and he would walk downstairs and after a few minutes they knew he was sleeping they would try to wake him up and he would get angry.. Start speaking a language that he didn't know fluently. He once ended up picking up his one roommate and throwing him into a window. This wasn't hard for him since he is a very large and muscular guy. He moved in with me and we had no incidents with him sleepwalking or talking. I have a sleeping disorder where he was the one that noticed the problem in the beginning which was me not breathing. They are saying that it is either Narcolepsy or Hypersomnia and it is leaning more towards Hypersomnia because of everything else that is going wrong with me. He has been there for me every step of the way, showing me more and more why I fell in love with him.

Ok so here comes the recent events.

Due to him working long hours ex. from 3am to 10pm some nights his Doctor has given him Provigil. This is a medication that I am on to keep me awake during the day, Its like a perscription speed. But it didn't effect him the same way this happened to clear his mind and make him able to focus. I went away for 3 weeks for work and when I came back I found out he had been sleeping on the couch because after sleeping in our room he was having dreams that he was asleep outside of his body watching his body brutally murder me in our bed. He woke up and ran threw our place frantically looking for me. After he reolized I was not there and I was safe he decided that he couldn't sleep there anymore.

I come back from work and everything is how it usually is. Until a few nights ago I couldn't sleep so I was laying in bed with his arms wrapped around my shoulders and he started to speak. He kept repeating, "You just don't get it. Your never going to get it." Over and over. I asked him what he was talking about and he tightened one arm around my shoulders and grabbed ahold of my jaw with the other saying, "You will never get it. He would do anything for you. He loves you. He would die to protect you." I then said brett your hurting me and he let go and laughed. He told me not to call him that. I was confused and he told me that he is tired of watching me sleep everynight. He needed someone to talk to because he had been alone in the quiet so long. I still didn't understand and said goodnight brett I love you. he then started asking, "Do you like me?" and this is when I noticed that his voice was entirely different. I said 3 times yes Brett I love you after each time he asked. He started to get angry and told me to stop playing, that his name was Tadik. He was still whispering and I could hear so I asked again. Tadik then started to ask if I was deaf or fing stupid, he started calling Brett all types of names pretty much calling him weak and insignificant and asking me what I saw in him. I told him that I love Brett because he is an amazing man. He said that it wasn't Brett that noticed I wasn't breathing while I was asleep, and he said that it wasn't Brett that held me and smelled me hair. Then said that he was the one that when we went out protected me from anyone that would try to hurt me. This is when Tadik grabbed me and told me that he was the one that I had wanted all along, that he was the real man. He wouldn't let me go and When I started to pray asking for stength and understanding about what was going one he started laughing and telling me that God wasn't in today.. I wrapped my arms around him and said, " Brett its me and you against the world I Love you " Instantly Tadik collapsed over me. Brett was still asleep and I rolled him onto his pillow and kissed his head. He woke up really confused asking why he felt like someone had been kicking in his stomake. I asked him about the name and his face went emotionless. He told me not to talk to him and to ignore it. I asked him why and he told me that that was the name that his old roommate said he called himself while he was sleepwalking. But Brett didn't believe him.

I tried to tell him what just happened but he was so tired that he fell back asleep. I tried to sleep but I was restless. So I layed there and I felt one hand making swirls below my thumb and the other hand was tapping across my shoulder. He was seeing if I was still awake.

I twitched so he knew I was. Tadik said he needed to have a talk with me. I asked him what to call him and he said his name again very calm this time. I asked him what it mean and he snapped back, "It's a Fing name daumit" I asked him how he got it and he told me that Brett gave him it when they were 3. I sat up and asked him what He would like to talk about. He said I needed to leave Brett because he wanted to take over. Tadik then went on about how he is only aloud out when Brett is angry, explaining that when they were little he was the one that was beat and when his father was finished he sent him to his gramps house. His gramp spoke another language but only spoke it to sooth Brett. To bad it wasn't Brett he was taking to. Thats why Brett doesn't know it . Tadik went on to explain different events in there lives. Things I already knew about. Then Tadik stood up and told me he would be right back. A type of fear shot threw me when I thought about all of the different weapons we have at our place because we both kind of collect different blades and things... But when he came back in he had nothing other then a completely p***ed off look on his face when he began to talk down about Brett again saying that all he has was rum and only little B***Hes drank that, telling me that I needed to get him whiskey and tequilla for next time he woke me up. At this poing he has told me to leave Brett about 30 times and has offered me money and other things to do so. He has also told me that he will be waking me up from now on because he enjoys talking to someone. He sat at the end of the bed and told me to get him a Cig. I did this and he wasn't very pleased by them. He said that Marboro Red's were for boys trying to pretend to be men. He kept telling me to kiss him, saying that, "you let Brett do it, come on you know I am the one you want." He then said he needed to get some stuff off of his chest. He began to say things about his children, calling them names saying that he wasn't the one that wanted them. (Bretts kids are what he lives for) And also telling me that he was going to take over that I needed to leave Brett. When I told him that it wasn't going to happen he put his face next to mine. very close and said, "YES YOU WILL YOU NEED TO SO I CAN PLAY" I told him I wasn't going to talk to him anymore because I needed to sleep before work. I layed down and looked away. He got really quiet and layed down too. He began to beg and say things like, "please talk.. I like you your as twisted as me if you will stay with him.. he's nutts you know... leave him and when I take over I will call and we can be together forever. I can never hurt you I promise.. ... talk don't ignore me... " I said I needed to sleep and he told me that he was going to tease Brett so that he would hurt in the morning, I didn't understand this until he grabbed me again... I went back to asking for Brett and Brett was back.

I told him in the morning as much as I could but he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want an answer.

During the day he's not switching it only happens when he's asleep is what I thought but Saturday night we went out. We were at the bar and it was like he was nowhere near. It didn't help that every time he walked 3 feet away some guy would walk up and try to be smooth. I would tell them to promptly leave and he would do a little of like an eye twitch. He started drinking triple rum and cokes I counted at least 5. (I don't drink at all and hes a big guy so his tolerance is high) He started complaining of extreme headaches and every few seconds he would be so zoned out it was like he was an empty shell. He told me we needed to leave, I agreeded so we both said goodbye to everyone and were on our way. We were in the car where he told me he felt weird. I told him it was because he was drunk and he began to sort of tweak. his eyes rolled into the back of his head and I told him I was bringing him to the hospital he told me that its not drunk he said that he came fight him. kept telling me that it hurt and then asking if we could watch a movie when we got home. I told him that we could. And I kept asking if he would let me take him to the hospital at this point there fight was full blown. Tears came from Bretts eyes when he told me he needed to see a doctor and wanted to talk about it when we got home. Then Tadik would bust in and wipe the tears and call him a whiny little B***h all over and mimik everything that Brett had just said in a voice to make fun of him. Tadik kept telling me that Brett wasn't strong enough to come back and now it was his time to play. Then Brett would come back but wouldn't be talking laud enough for me to really hear him. Brett kept saying leave me alone please just leave her alone and Tadik would come back with another mimiking of what he just said. We finally got home and Brett told me he was hungry but he didn't want me to leave the room.

We put on a movie and I made pizza rollz. The fight continued. Brett kept telling me that his head felt like it was ripping apart and Tadik told me I was no longer needed that he was doing such a good job that he can take over by himself. Every time Brett was losing I began to sing Amazing grace. I know it sounds corney but Tadik would tell me to shut the F up and put his hand over my mouth so I would hum it louder. Then Brett would come back. In the end Brett told me that he was so tired and he needed to sleep I told him to try, The last thing that Tadik said to me was that he was going to kill Brett and I stayed awake all night until I had to go to work. I have been in contact with Brett all day today. He could barely sleep last night.

I have been researching DID since the first night and this forum is the first that really is helping me understand. I Love Him and want to be able to help. Because of work he can't go to any type of psychologist or clinic but he has agreed to talk to a Chaplain. I called a few of the anonomous hotlines trying to ask questions about should I tell him to fight Tadik or how should I react so that he feels better and they told me to tell him to fight it and to leave him.

After everything that he has been there for with me I know that if the tables were turned he would be next to me keeping me strong, I will not give up on that. I've been reading this forum for the last........probably 12 hours minus breaks to smoke. and have heard so many different stories about how to show support and love for them. But I'm still confused about my situation where the other is angry/violent in a way. If anyone can send advice my way it would be very helpful in the long road I have ahead of me as well as him.


Also Hi I'm new to the board.. the name is not a hostile one it actually is what we say to eachother everynight before we go to sleep. It goes I love you sweetheart just remember its me and you against the world. its our way of saying that we can take down whatever is thrown at us and believe me alot has been thrown.. If you have read this LONG story thank you. I have noone to talk to and I don't understand what is going on but I would like to. Wow I didn't think it would be this long.. This is the shortened version too wow. ok sorry haha.

Hi,

Why has he been taking Provigil?; and why have you been taking it? Are you both exerting yourselves too much with work or something? Did you notice him becoming worse after he began taking it? Bear with me, for I just have one more question: Why didn't he talk about his DID-like symptoms with the doctor who prescribed him Provigil?

Okay, I have read the majority of your post and this sounds like it has become very serious; and it is commendable that you are prepared to put-up with it. There are millions of others who would just pack-up and leave him to his problems. However, you shouldn't just put-up with this - He needs to show that he is going to seek help. Going to a chaplain is all well and good, but it's not going to do much for his DID. There are medications for people suffering from DID, but a chaplain certainly won't be the one to prescribe them.

Thank you so much for the reply. I actually came home that day fom work to Tadik Text Messaging me off of Bretts phone. I asked if we could have a talk when I got home and he told me that it was fine. after talking for a while I asked him if I could talk to Brett because I hadn't seen him in a while and wanted to tell him morning and so on. he told me it was fine and that when I wanted to finish our conversation to just ask for me. I talked to brett and told him verything that had happened and he didn't know what to think or say. Brett and Tadik didn't talk. I asked brett if i could talk to Tadik again and I did. He said that they use to be best friends and the thing that hurt him the most was that he left Brett and it wasn't the other way around. He said that he couldn't deal with never feeling anything good because he only came out when Brett was being hurt. I asked him all different questions like what he liked smoking and what was his favorite drink and told him I was trying to set it up so that we all would be happy. After a while he told me brett wanted to talk and when he became active he had tears and told me how selfish he was for never letter Tadik feel anything good and he said that he was able to hear him. They are doing better. Working on becoming friends again and I'm happy that they are starting again. Tadik is goign to be sleeping for the next month though because he doesn't like our job and says he wont come out while we are doing it. Thx you guys

Hi,

This is all well and good, but you just know that problems will arise again in the future over this. You have to push the issue to Brett/Tadik about seeing a doctor. He might be relatively calm now, but he won't be in the future. You never answered my first few questions, by the way:

- "Why has he been taking Provigil?; and why have you been taking it?"

- "Did you notice him becoming worse after he began taking it?"

- "Why didn't he talk about his DID-like symptoms with the doctor who prescribed him Provigil?"

Hello,

I'm sorry that your questions were not answered. So here goes. He is on Provigil for day time sleepyness is what they call it.. They use it for him as a way to keep him working longer and longer hours. I take it because I have Hypersomnia which is kind of like narcolepsy and it keeps me alert and awake.

Im not really sure if i can say better or worse because stress that he is dealing with right now. I dont know how he would behave if he wasn't on it.

I'm seeing less of brett because now he can barely speak. A few years ago there was an accident at work that caused him to have to see the man and then carry him to where his body would be put till it was flown back to the USA. And last week we went threw a similar situation and he began to studder. Brett decided that he wanted Tadik to speak and Brett would just sleep.

He hasn't talked about his symptoms because he told me that Tadik has always been there. That and I think he's embarrassed.

Tadik also told me that his initial thoughts of about me was that he was goign to kill me and take over Bretts body. But he said that I am the first and only this that he has ever know of love and he now has a reason to live. He says that I am his reason to live and be happy and he doesn't know what he would do without me around.

Hi,

Thanks for getting back. I had actually forgotten about this problem because it has been a while since I last replied here. I don't feel too comfortable offering advice anymore because I feel uncertain about what exactly is going on here. I mean, you have just mentioned that he had a bad accident. I'm guessing that that has a lot to do with what is happening now. Whatever the case, if he is already seeing a doctor about his 'daytime sleepyness', then perhaps he or you should also talk to this doctor about the other problem.

Kevin

Hi,

Sorry let me clear it all up. We are both in the military. With bretts past being as it was. filled with emotional and physical abuse he was put into a institution at the age of 10 after Tadik couldn't put up with Bretts stepfathers abuse any longer.. not sexual. he was there for 18 months and when he got out Brett and Tadik were still best friends as Tadik puts it. It was at 13 where Tadik couldn't put up with dealign with only hate in his life and never feeling anything good.. Brett would go to sleep during abuse and Tadik would take it all.

The accident I was talking about originally happened a few years ago when a man lost his life and Brett was on cleanup crew. They told them all to push the images out of there heads so they did. Well Last week while Brett was working we lost another good man that had been a part of both of our lives as a friend. Tadik says that the reason Brett's now feeling good is because he is getting what he called double flashbacks.. both accidents mixed together. and he is so stressed that he is stuttering and his head is pounding..

His daytime sleepyness is a direct result of his boss wanting him to work upwards of 18 hour days and found a way to make that happen. the doctor is a military doctor and believes that the higher his dosge the more efficient he will become.

Hi,

The situation that you're in sounds - how should I put it - 'not very nice'. Are you both still in the military right now?; Were you not assigned to, like, Afghanistan or Iraq? Sorry, military isn't a big thing here in Ireland, so I probably don't have a clue how your military system works. I just wonder though, could the images of his dead colleague be causing his problems now? - It might be a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and that he has developed this multiple personality in order to escape from the harsh reality.