a sad realization

this is pretty depressing, trigger warning now if you are triggered by highly depressing conversation

























I've come to the realization that due to my D.I.D. and past, no one will ever be able to understand me.
Pattern recognition: i have realized several reoccuring patterns over the years.
1. betrayal, even the nicest people end up betraying me in the end. from kindergarten friends, to parents, people betray me
2. confusion. no one has ever fully understood me, i had someone who has been my best friend well over a year now tell me tonight that im an ignorant dumb ######6 piece of $#%^ and completely useless and the most obnoxious idiot in the world... needless to say im shocked and sad and all that stuff.

but its made me realize, that due to how different i am, i am just doomed to a life of lonelyness. not nessecarially being alone. i'll always have people around me, but due to this cruel joke that is human interraction between myself and others and how it just cant work....people will leave me, abandon me, backstab me, use me and abuse me. but i've come to realize i will never be able to sit down and say "im satisfied with my life socially" because i will always be getting ###$ one way or another.

im sorry if im just a downer...and i hope im wrong....but its pavlovs theory at work. i see a pattern enough times i learn to accept reality. honestly to me life isnt even worth living, although ill continue the rest of my existence untill a natural death hopefully after a long life... life is a test, i'm going to pass it the right way, even if im forced to live in hell.

*hug*

what brought on THAT rant by your friend?

i dont know. basically a buncha friends decided they dont want to associate with me anymore. and i suppose their way of breaking the ties was to take turns making me feel like $#%^, this friend was just the one that stuck out cause i thought she cared the most =/

I think that most people that get involved with someone and that know about their issues aren't really prepared to deal with the symptoms of the issues, and that unless we're able to successfully hide many of the symptoms, we largely end up alone.

It's frustrating. There doesn't seem to be a way to have close friends, to be honest. Merely acquaintances that can tolerate some of my idiosyncrasies. Sounds like you can relate.

Have you sought out a support group for people with DID? I recently found an excellent one and have made a few friends. It has been helpful speaking with people that can relate to me.

the only support group i got is here

Hey John,
I have dealt with this concerning a few friends, and I don't suppose it has happened for the last time either...
But what I have learned is this:

A) the patterns in our lives can only be broken by us, once we recognize that there is a pattern, and what that pattern is, we can take steps to change it.

B) people come and go out of our lives naturally, sometimes we get lucky and a select few will stay in our lives forever.

C) (and this one I am struggling with) The only way to give love and be loved by others, is to love yourself. Love your faults, your quirks, your idiosyncrasies. These little things lie host to all of our insecurities, and while we may have outward control over how we react to our insecurities, they still can eat us alive on the inside.
As a multiple we have overcome great strife to be alive and functioning today, and it takes a lot of strength and courage to live every day after the things we have been through. Give yourself (selves) credit, and start learning how to love yourself. Others will follow suit.

D) I know its cliche, but EVERYONE on Earth is haunted by something. Unfortunately people would rather blame other people, or hurt others who are open about their problems, then to work on and face their own insecurities. I think this is why so many people shun others for their problems.

I hope you are feeling better.
~Amber

amber...that is the most sense anyone has made to me in quite some time

*hug* thank you for your insight

*hug*
Anytime, I am glad it helped.
~Amber