major trigger warning.

This...right here, is why I hate mothers.


I made my mom real proud just like I always do. Right mom? You say you love me when I do these things for you, you say "good girl" when I'm done and make you happy. I try to do the best I can, after so many years you have trained me on what is the best thing to do. Remember that mom? Remember how you trained me? I prove it to you when you come in my room. How good I am.

Its never gonna stop is it mom? I know its not. I was stupid to believe it. I'm back to being your bitch again. Back to being mommy's little bitch. The next thing to come is when you sell me out for the nights. When I go somewhere else and do what they say because if I don't they tell you and then you beat me but I won't do that again mommy. Remember? I'm trained now. I'm trained so well that I don't know who I am anymore.

I remember when I was living with you when you "adopted me" but I was still in the foster care system and they'd take me away to someone elses house and then, when I was there I remembered what you had me do. Told me if I did it real well you would adopt me. I wanted to have a family. I wanted a mommy and a daddy. In the new home there was a mommy and a daddy. I did what you had showed me to do them. I wanted to do it, I didn't know any better. All I knew was at homes I had to make the mommy and daddy there happy. And I did. I made them real happy. But I got hurt. Had to go to the hospital, they asked "what happened?" I didn't say anything. They said I came to them like that, that the foster people ahd just dropped me off. They "fixed" me. Till it happened again when I went back home with them. This time he was "gentle", said it wouldn't hurt as bad.

Went back to BJ and Vicki. The three men came in. Had their turns with me. Everybody had a turn with me. But I got trained real good mommy. I know what to do tomake people happy.

Thats all you've taught me.

Tell me I need more of a back bone.

Ha. You beat it out of me. Remember mommy? Remember when you would ask me if I wanted to go skating and I'd say yes, and then you'dhit me and ask me again and I'd say yes cos you beat me if I lied. But then you just kept hitting me and then I realized what I had to say and I said "no mommy, I don't want to go skating".

But I learned real well and pretty fast.

I learnedhow to please people, make them like me, make them love me.

Couldn't get hgs just by asking. Had to do soething forthem. Had to make you cum, had to do it. That was the only way. Had to touch you, put my fingers in you while you held me. No real hugs. Just that. But it worked. I'd burry my face in your shoulder so I didn't have to see cos I didn't want to do it, I just wanted a hug.


But you trained me mommy. I'm real good now. Do whatrever you say. Don't question it.


Its never gonna stop. I'm always gonna be your bitch. Your slut. Your whore.

Always.






















































































































































I ######6 hate you for doing this to me. I ######6 hat you mommy. i never wanted any of this. i just wanted a home. i just wanted somewhere safe to be. osmewhere safe to live. byt fmailys stand for hurt. home stands for pain. love stands for sex.nothing is what it should be. nothing. i block this words out cos you can never see them. never know how i really feel. i want to dissapear. never comeout. just disapear forever.

Hey,

I hope you felt somewhat better after typing that out? I can sense the deep frustration in your words... ...

If I'm interpreting what you've written as correct, then Id' like to say that what you have been through is quite deplorable and shameful. It is still surprising at ho cruel some people can be - they show such a lack of awareness of the feelings of other people. They are the true ignorant and greedy people of this world.

Take care,
Kevin

I am so sorry this happened to you.
I know how painful it is.
It is understandable why you don't like mothers.
Thank you for sharing.
~Amber

sorry you had to go threw what you did. just remember you are the strong one. they were sick and didn't deserve to have the beautiful child like you to prey on. now, you are still stronger and better than they will ever be. i learned a long time ago, that killing them wouldn't change how i felt. the scars they left would be there forever. if that's all that is out there, i'm grateful to be in the % that were abused, and not the % that abuse. we may be scarred, but we are the survivors, not a scum of the earth child abuser! hang in there, you are on the winning team!

love,
benny

Thanks everyone. I'm sorry to get back to you so late...just hard 'cause I had to scroll down and words caught my eye and got me scared.

Oi.

But yeah...I'm trying not to let it get to me.

To be a survivor is heroic.
To be a victim is tragic.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Escape Artist. She didn't have the right to do this, no one ever does. You were just a child and you wanted to feel loved. It is not your fault, it's the fault of those people who hurt you.
You're very brave and strong for facing this and being able to talk when you need to. We'll be here for you. I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but is this still going on?
I hope I don't say anything to make you feel bad.

jas, no you didn't say anything to make me feel bd.

it ... i dunno. i dunno if it has stopped or not. i have to go back there over summer... i hope nothing happens. im over 18 so nobody can do anything about it except me.

Hey,

You have to go back where? - To your stepmom's? Why don't you just break-away now and say to yourself that you're not going to take this anymore. You're 18, and I'm sure that the life that you've lived so far has made you a more independent and wise person than others your age.

Kevin.

It's horrible what you've had to go through.. it's strong of you to write it all down.

Do you really have to go back? Can't you make up some excuse? I don't know what you can do right now but we'll come up with something. I know many people wouldn't understand if you told them about the abuse and I'd be afraid to go to the police or whatever.
Maybe you can come up with a way to just stand up to this woman. Lock your door if you have to be there. Try to look for a job and get some money so you wouldn't depend on them. Tell them about how you talked to some people about abuse and how you think it's aweful and that any one who does it is a monster and should go to prison. She might not care and use it to mess with your mind though. We can talk and come up with something.
Are they paying for college and you're scared that they won't pay for it any more if you don't go there this summer?