Deviant Alter? Alter in Love with Someone Else

I was wondering if you could give me some insight on DID.
I have a friend who I seriously suspect has DID but is either unaware of it or thinks he can control it. Thing is that every time he's around me he looses control & becomes highly sexual. A few times I caught him looking at me from behind a wall, once from a closet underneath a stairwell. When I asked him where he'd been because he jumped out of nowwhere, that's exactly what he told me, that he had been staring at me from inside the closet behind the stairwell through a crack in the wall, then he open the door to the dark closet & invited me in. Of course I said no but after that he seemed disoriented, flushed & kinda confused. His voyueristic tendecies concern me, as he told me once that our feelings do not have to be mutual for something to happen between us??? Not sure what he meant? Scary to think he might mean the "R" word!!He's expressed several, several things to me with a sexual, romantic overtone, then when I confront him, he denies it each time. Thing is we are both married to other people, good people & he knows it is wrong. He denies liking me more than a friend & says our feelings are not mutual. Is it possible for one of his alters to be in love with me despite the fact that he loves his wife & knows it's wrong? I often notice his eyes blink slowly & he gets flushed all over during those times. What do you think I should do?? I've thought about telling his wife but I don't know her well, I would think she'd want to know what he's doing. I've read up on DID because at first I thought he had Bipolar after he told me he had depression for the past 5 yrs. but he denies Bipolar. what I've observed from his actions leads me to think he does have DID. How do you get someone who possibly has it to look into to it?? He seems to be in denial of everything & seems to not want to take responsibiblity for his actions, although he's cause many problems for me. Please advise.

Alters are not married to the main person's spouse, so they feel they are not obligated to stay loyal to a stranger. So no, they don't see it's wrong. And on a technical scale, they're right.

Sit your friend down, and tell them what they think, whether they want to hear it or not. Maybe print an article on DID and show it to them.

Thank You Mr. Bates for your reply. You have a way of stating things simply & to the point not to mention being male, I wanted insight on how the male mind of someone with DID works.

It's more complicated than that. See, he started to affect me, my emotions, my other relationships. I couldn't get him out of my mind or the things he did. Finally I bumped into him one day & told him I thought he was Bipolar, manic really, because of the hypersexuality. He admitted some in his family have it but wouldn't say he did too. After that, he told me to leave him alone & not to ever contact him again. After that some months passed & then he & a mutual friend of ours happen to be working close by where I visit sick family members on a daily basis. I stopped by with a family member to greet our mutual friend & him & he freaked!! He went out through the window of the house & ran down the block to avoid me!! I think he's afraid of losing control again, afraid of what might happen between us. I don't think he understands why he's acting the way he does & it scares him, it scares him not to remember what things he's said & done to me, it scares him to think that those things are true. On top of that he's very secretive & private like he's hiding a secret that he can't bare anyone to find out. Is there a sneakier approach to this?? And what do you say about the voyuerism?? I still care very much for him & want to know he is well & getting the help he needs.

Thank you, I'm very well-known for straight-foreward answers

And, no offense, but don't give me that male perspective crap. A lot of the girls on here have hypersexual alters too. I, personally, don't have any hypersexual alters. Gender doesn't matter. Alters are seperate beings, they don't consider themselves a part of the main person. The alter isn't married to the wife, so they are not obligated to anything. I'd be surprised if they even knew the wife existed at all.

You really need to try to sit him down. And while you're at it, they do have books on DID, like the DID Guidebook, give that a read.

if he's going that far out of the way to avoid you, meeting him face to face is probrably not going to work. besides if he "is" d.i.d. he could get violent if he feels threatened. we usually have a protective alter that is triggered by unwanted advances, friend or not. (i had that happen once, it wasn't pretty)

like bates said, there are books about d.i.d. (or you could download some info) if he reads it he might recognize it for himself. either way, it's not a "fun" thing to discover. if he does show that many symtoms, chances are other close friends have noticed it too. have you tried asking them? it is more covincing in numbers.

with that said. you might consider if he is "ready" to know. has he asked for help concerning mental illness? whatever that answer is, he sould still be accountable for he actions.

Thank you Benny & Mr. Bates once again.

You are right Benny, it be nearly impossible to do it face to face since the last time I tried to approach him he got very angry & refused to speak to me or even look at me so sent over this other guy he was working with to tell me that he is happily married & if I don't leave he's going to call the police!!! OOOUCH!! I was shocked, what the heck??!! It hurt me so much. I think he thought I was there to come on to him but I wasn't at all, I was there to try to apologise for thinking he had Bipolar, & that I was wrong & had been doing research on Multiple Personalities/ Dissociative Identity Disorder, but he wouldn't even give me a chance, he was so ugly to me, so rude---again like a different person. So yes I do believe in the protective alter & I do believe he will get seriously furious if I don't let it be. Besides after that happen I had my husband call him & he profusely denied having any "inappropriate feelings for me"---of course what else could he say?? He told my husband to keep me away from him because I make him feel "uncomfortable" . HUH?? Can you believe that!! I make HIM feel uncomfortable...the nerve!!When my husband asked him in what way, he said that I got too personal & emotionally attached & that I needed to let go. He knows my Husband just in passing so of course it was a very superficial conversation. Still I did appreciate that my husband was very kind to him & reminded him of our long standing friendship & how much this has hurt me, but my friend never tried to make ammends for his actions. I know, I know, he has no memory ( or partial)of it, but how would you like it if you knew for a fact that the other person done alot of things not just recently but over a span of 4yrs. & then took no resposibility about it! DENIAL< DENIAL< DENIAL, one right after the other he gave me, each time denying he said or did any of those things. But I remind myself that I really think switches in to another person & the other person made him do it. Obviously I have more to say but I'll save it until you write.


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Yes its upsetting that he's hurt you so. But try to look at it from his point of view. Do you have any idea how HARD it is to admit to having something like DID? Or how embarrassing it must be, knowing you have a side of you that tries to make sexual advances on one of your closest friends? He keeps denying it because he's absolutely ashamed of himself. Stop trying to make yourself out to be a victim, and start trying to show your friend you're there for him, not there to accuse him.

Ok... point taken Mr. Bates.

So you tell me, how do I show I am there for him ---without getting myself into trouble? I understand his sexual alter is not married to his wife but what he does in his body, the main person is the one who will be held accountable. I do not want my friend in trouble with his wife, then he would feel even more awful. I mean he is a pretty persuasive guy, his come ons are very hard to fight off.

Of course at this point I don't see it being a big problem since he's totally avoiding me. But let's just say he tried it again, what do you suggest I do, I don't want to make him feel cruddy about himself.
I spoke to one of his friends today, someone he went on a trip with & he said he's never seen or knows of our friend having any sort of mental illness or emotional problem & this is someone who sees him at church 3 days out of the week. Of this is a guy friend, not a girl -friend. As a matter of fact besides any of his relatives & wife's relatives , I seem to be his only female that he has allowed to be close to him. Other mutual friends I've spoken to say he's very private & quiet & rarely speaks of his wife, all of his friends seem to know little about her, including me. So at this point am I seriously thinking know one else knows or sees what I see.

What about Imaginary Associates? I read somewhere that people who suffer from DID sometimes have imaginery associates. Is this true? Reason why I ask is one time he was looking at me drinking water & he kinda went into a trance & I remember his body kinda contorted for a moment & then he turned again to me & started making what appeared to be a vulgar hand gesture i'd never seen but it was as if he was looking at someone else who wasn't there. Do you know what I mean? has anyone had a similar experience to this? can anyone explain to me what might have been happening within him??

Look the truth is bottomline ...I have fallen for the guy. I like him alot, with all his personalities, but I'm not about to ruin his life or mine.
So how exactly does this trigger thing work? Obviously I trigger his alter to come out, I wonder what it is that i am doing or is it just the sight of me? Seems every time he sees me drink water, it triggers him to come out. Could that be a trigger?

You just answered your own question.

bcuzIcare wrote:Ok... point taken Mr. Bates.

So you tell me, how do I show I am there for him ---without getting myself into trouble? I understand his sexual alter is not married to his wife but what he does in his body, the main person is the one who will be held accountable. I do not want my friend in trouble with his wife, then he would feel even more awful. I mean he is a pretty persuasive guy, his come ons are very hard to fight off.

Of course at this point I don't see it being a big problem since he's totally avoiding me. But let's just say he tried it again, what do you suggest I do, I don't want to make him feel cruddy about himself.
I spoke to one of his friends today, someone he went on a trip with & he said he's never seen or knows of our friend having any sort of mental illness or emotional problem & this is someone who sees him at church 3 days out of the week. Of this is a guy friend, not a girl -friend. As a matter of fact besides any of his relatives & wife's relatives , I seem to be his only female that he has allowed to be close to him. Other mutual friends I've spoken to say he's very private & quiet & rarely speaks of his wife, all of his friends seem to know little about her, including me. So at this point am I seriously thinking know one else knows or sees what I see.

What about Imaginary Associates? I read somewhere that people who suffer from DID sometimes have imaginery associates. Is this true? Reason why I ask is one time he was looking at me drinking water & he kinda went into a trance & I remember his body kinda contorted for a moment & then he turned again to me & started making what appeared to be a vulgar hand gesture i'd never seen but it was as if he was looking at someone else who wasn't there. Do you know what I mean? has anyone had a similar experience to this? can anyone explain to me what might have been happening within him??

Look the truth is bottomline ...I have fallen for the guy. I like him alot, with all his personalities, but I'm not about to ruin his life or mine.
So how exactly does this trigger thing work? Obviously I trigger his alter to come out, I wonder what it is that i am doing or is it just the sight of me? Seems every time he sees me drink water, it triggers him to come out. Could that be a trigger?

Write him an anonymous letter, I guess, if you're clearly a trigger for your poor friend. Or talk to a psychologist (NOT to be mistaken for a pyschiatrist, NO pill doctors, k, thankyou) about your friend, and have them write a letter of concern. But make sure you remain anonymous!

Never heard of imaginary associates, but sometimes you catch your alter's reflection off of something.

Triggers are a reminder of something from one's past that scares them back, allowing an alter to come forth and protect them. While their idea of protection is always clear, that is an alter's main objective. Maybe your friend was sexually molested on a frequent basis and needed an alter who loves sex to protect him. Has he ever said you reminded him someone else he knows/knew? Relative? Neighbor? Teacher? Something along those lines?