DID friends IRL fears

I/we have been nervous about spening time with other systems in real life, scared that it would be triggering somehow. and recently I have found out 2 people we know IRL are also multiple. And I want to unmask with another person who can relate but afraid of unmasking and especially what if the host cant regain control? if we get "stuck" outside and don't have the one in charge who can mostly get along in the outside world? but its lonely in here especially for littles so it would be SO nice to have friends to be littles with. what if somebody else comes out when the littles are playing? (mine or theirs) I've had one conversation with one of these people about DID as they were checking in about whether they might be (we did also recommend a good counselor for followup) but that was still mostly maintaining the host masking like usual. The other person I've only met a few times but married long friend and we just found out she has littles that come out sometimes.
want friens but scared and it seems wrong to be but am.
ideas? help?

I would highly recommend a parallel play session. if you can manage it book something socially acceptable for grown ups irl that the littlest will enjoy (eg. paintball or swimming) prior to this get the little to agree when in session with the therapist that they won't vocalise during this play, explain that they and a big will share the play so if outside people are watching they just see a grown up being a bit silly in a " grown ups are allowed to be silly" place. Emphasise that if they are good at sharing play then that meens they can have more play dates. Set up rules and boundaries eg. The big does all the talking, the little does all the playing, the little can pull faces and do expressions with the friend (safe grown up) but the big must do all the facial expressions for talking to other people. (Mystery grown ups who might not be safe)

This parallel play is an important step in recovery because a) once mastered it enables littles to engage in actives outside the confines of the house, an enriched and satisfied little is less likely to spontaneously switch. B) it meens if you and your friend trigger each other there is a responsible big already on standby to take full control. C) cooperating in this way where the little is rewarded helps strengthen system bonds and helps with re parenting yourself.

Once you have had enough parallel play dates to feel safe being open in the presence of this friend then you can think about a fully little controlled play date in private but your therapist would have to be happy that your little knows how to get help should something go wrong.

Hi,

Elisahorse has good ideas.

We unmasked once around somebody else who was multiple and it went OK. But we were teens so we could take care of ourselves. Host made us promise to follow some rules and he was co-con the whole time (which was kind of like some adult looking over your shoulder while you talk to your friends ). Please tell us how it goes for two Littles to play together. Ours are too scared to do that.

Good luck!

Iain