Advice? Protector feeling guilty - Jessica

Hello, I don't get to front a lot so, I am feeling quite rubbish right now and I need a space where I can safely vent, there is a lot of switching happening in my system lately

My host who has denied that we have dissociative disorder due to the stigma tried to just deny that any of this was happening

Basically last year I split up with my husband of 3 years, we lived together in a 3 bedroom house, I really loved my husband and I was comforted by his presence but some of my other alters hated the very sight of him due to domestic violence, the splitting in the marriage was unbearable..
My system developed many new alters, some which became very loyal to him and the moment that I rang the police one day when he had been domestically abuse toward her she shut down ---
She shut down in such a way that she turned inwards, she began to dissociate like a thousand times stronger than anything I've seen her to do before and for days she switched into either a part that existed prior to this event or I don't know

The identity that was fronting hid herself in her room and would literally spend all day online, worrying, ruminating to the point where she felt so alone (this was during seperation from her husband) at the same time she trusted NO ONE, because of the isolation she thought everyone was against her and I couldn't get her to reach out to mental health professionals. She said that they were evil and that human beings were inherently evil (a belief that produced itself through one of our most extreme forms of trauma)
So... she is in the house for 8 months completely isolated, without anyone to speak to.. in fact she doesn't know how to do social communication anymore and becomes paranoid about peoples intentions
So the more that she bottled things up I couldn't get her to speak to anyone, she would go into this state where when someone asked her if she was okay when she clearly wasn't she would pretend that she was fine.. (Have you experienced this?)

*Trigger warning- self harm*
This led to me cutting her arm *mod edit- detail removed* repeatedly, now her arms are covered in scars and her hand is all scarred.. I did it to protect her because the pain level was so insanely high which shocked her back into her body and immediately she began to seek medical help and speak to people.. *end trigger warning*

She doesn't trust these services but we are working slowly to get her to trust in them again

I want to cry and release the pain

She's now speaking to mental health professionals from today and hopefully going to be referred back into services for trauma support and I want to trust them again :'( sorry if this has triggered anyone I needed to share

TheSystemAcceptance wrote:Hello, I don't get to front a lot so, I am feeling quite rubbish right now and I need a space where I can safely vent, there is a lot of switching happening in my system lately

My host who has denied that we have dissociative disorder due to the stigma tried to just deny that any of this was happening

she would go into this state where when someone asked her if she was okay when she clearly wasn't she would pretend that she was fine.. (Have you experienced this?)

DID tends to be an highly covert disorder so even if a host is aware of it they wouldn’t want to alert anyone else in their life to the fact they may have ‘others’ inside them…as most members of public would probably think schizophrenia and person talking to ‘invisible friends’ (hallucinations).

This may also be why she subconsciously automatically says she’s ok even when she isn’t.

IS your host aware of ‘you’ can you communicate with her directly? If your host feels the need for MH support then maybe it will help her…. if she is getting counselling maybe you can stay in the background and just learn about how she feels about her situation?