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New alter new troubles

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New alter new troubles

Postby Panther1830 » Sat Mar 18, 2023 12:06 am

So I've had beverly who is 23. And wants to be in control all the time. If I tell her off she whines. Yet if I compromise with her she'll go totally ballistic and complain she wants to do nothing and just keep me up at night. I think she's lost, and looking for something meaningful to her. But she's hid away my one friend alter geovani, and won't let him out cause she's jealous as well. And I haven't heard from him in a month it has me worried. Is their anything some alter or person may help me with?
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Re: New alter new troubles

Postby Dwelt » Sat Mar 18, 2023 8:48 am

To me, it sounds like an alter who need a lot of reassurance. For example, jealousy often come from insecurity. Hiding away your friend could be a way 1) to test your reaction and see if you get angry, violent, or if you reject her, 2) to not be rejected because she sees the bond between Geovani and you as a threat for the bond she has with you (and even if it doesn't sound logical, it could be both explanations at the same time).

Working on the sense of safety (by doing nice activities with her, for example), and on the attachment toward the rest of the system (by making your best to keep your promises, by taking the time to talk with her if you suspect fear is behind a behavior, and then to reassure her, etc.) might help.

I had an alter like this, who hide another one for years because he thought that us (the system) meeting her would ruin the beginning of our relationship with him. It took some time, but he eventually stopped once he really understood that nothing would harm our relationship.

Making compromise is great, even if she does nothing with it afterward. It shows you're okay with her being there, not matter what she does, and it's really important in order to build attachment between her and the system - and a secure attachment helps a lot to feel safe inside and outside. But your body needs to sleep, so maybe you should think about some rules or changes in the compromise to keep it healthy?

I hope you both will find a way to make her more comfortable in your life!
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