Processing

Well...it's been 2 months and we never went back to the T. On the day we originally were supposed to go back there were massive floods that completely trashed the highway system, cutting us off even if we had wanted to go back. It's like Nature wanted to ensure we didn't do a stupid thing (we'd laugh, but people died and others lost a lot, so we won't do that; it was VERY bad flooding, unlike anything seen her prior).

We got to thinking now we're glad it ended badly and that we HATE the T now. If she crosses our mind, we just think "Eff that b*tch" and are not tempted to get back into that situation. We can see clearly we were being manipulated and it was right to stop. We also very much like having actual money now that we're not spending 1/4 of our pay on therapy.

It did sour us, however, on the idea of ever engaging with people IRL again. We were already there before seeing the T, but we were seeing the T. We'll never do that or try to make friends again - there's never been a person that hasn't been terrible to us. We don't know why, but that is the reality.

We think we're better off. As we're in a VERY stressful job that was VERY stressful before COVID and is now so much stress it should be crushing us, but...it's not. We are struggling a great deal, but we were struggling more seeing the T. Having our wounds poked during this time was NOT helpful! We basically just game all the time now, dissociate from the world and exist in the game we play. We don't care if someone thinks that's not healthy or a life, whatever - it's what we have to do to get through each day and it's like we care about "having a life." We find the majority of what humans do to be amazingly stupid and boring and don't understand why those things are considering having a life. *shrug*

Not sure why we're posting this ramble...we should be in bed, but been hard to sleep the last two weeks. Don't know why. We seem to be avoiding it for some reason...