Friends with DID?

Hey, thought I'd make a thread about this because I don't have the opportunity to talk to other systems like, ever lol.

I'm the host of a system, currently at uni (or would be RIP coronavirus) and I don't know anyone IRL with DID, except the friend of a friend from home who I've talked to online like once. I always see systems on instagram and youtube who are friends with a ton of alters and systems and I guess I just don't know how they do it? I'm mostly terrified about sharing my system with others, us being very covert and generally all pretending to be the host (except our little, or a few alters would make themselves known around my ex). I feel really alone in the sense that - whilst my close friends and family know about DID, we have made a point to not be ourselves around them and now I feel so isolated. Kind of tired of living a lie.

Wow that sounds depressing but ignore the melodrama, would love to hear from anyone else's perspective be they hosts or not. Thanks, and much love !

we live covert too. our friends know about the DID but we don't identify ourselves specifically when we interact. it is a mix of trying to be the way we always are with them and being ourselves and letting them see that this is a side of us as well.
we know a couple of systems IRL. we don't have any personal contact. somehow that ended up being triggering or we kept switching in unhelpful ways. and for some it is just too difficult to talk to someone who they know has the same condition. like it keeps reminding them of things.
so the contact we have is through text messages only. some of that has been going on for 4 years now, but it is still just hosts texting and we don't know anything about the inner workings of our systems.
actually, we think that it is nobodys business. this forum is the only place where we share more.
I think our RL DID friendships work because there is no drama, no switching and then having to accommodate to whoever is front now, no Littles who approach us with their emotional needs. It needs really good boundaries.
I see all the overt systems being friends and sometimes I feel a little envy. but then we are severely introverted. and sensitive to noise. and over-controlled. we would be miserable if we joined that kind of meeting or tried to interact in the same way.
what I am trying to say is that it is ok to do things the way it works for you. there is a spotlight on a few because they put themselves there, but there are tons of systems who don't live life like that. simply because their needs are actually different. and that is ok.

We're quite covert too. Our friends know about our DID and I sometimes make jokes about it or tell few things about my system (mainly to show to the insiders that it's okay, the world isn't going to eat them), but right now, there's only one person we trust enough so some of us interact with her without pretending to be me (but we still don't announce IRL when there's a co-presence, it's too weird for us).

We have and had friends with DID.
With the first ones we made, it wasn't easy, first because seeing or feeling someone switching is a trigger for us to switch or be in a dissociative state, and we discovered it the hard way, in a Skype group talk. But once we knew about it, it became more manageable and now, we're not triggered anymore. But it took us three years to reach that point...
Second because those friends weren't stable, we were just a bunch of newly discovered systems who have met on the internet, and we just ended up testing each other, triggering each other and making drama because of our attachment pattern that were messed up.

We met in real life once, all three together, and even if it was nice most of the time, it was also stressful. One of the two other had noticeable switch (for us, at least), and the second was more covert but new to her system and her protectors were still suspicious and ready to attack.
At the end of the week, the first one was stuck with a playful teen at the front, the other one was in constant co-presence with one protector, and we were alternating between me, Erdian, Daem and Kal to keep up with them. I still don't remember most of the week because of that.

Meeting more than one system at the time is out of question now, unless we're 100% sure they can manage themselves. And not for too long. One week, like we do with singleton friends that live far from us, was a big mistake.

Two years ago, we met a system who was as covert as us and quite stable. We met thanks to a forum, then discovered we were at the same university. I was a bit worried about meeting them, but it went quite well.
They barely switch, or have barely noticeable switch, unlike the first system I've met. Both of our system don't announce when there's a switch or co-presence, we don't let Littles come out, and as we're friends not because of DID but because we like each other, we don't share much about our DID. I think that in two years, we actually talked deeply about our system just three or four times. We can spend a whole day together without mentioning our system at all.
And it feels quite good, in fact. We can share about our experiences if we want to, we know we'll not be judged, and we don't hide because we're scared of the reaction of the one in front of us, but because it's more comfortable for us.

And I don't know... not announcing ourselves, not allowing Littles to come out and not being DID-centered is quite natural for us and a way to be polite with other systems. I know some will disagree, specially with the "not announcing ourselves" part because some systems see the announcement as being polite, but it's not how it works for us, specially with other DID people.

We know how it feels to be triggered by someone else's switch, and it just doesn't feel right to us to interrupt a talk to say "Hi, it's X" when "X" have been here listing the whole time. If another system does it, no prob, but we will not. We don't do it even with singleton friends. The only exception would be with the person we date, because the level of intimacy would need to be adapted depending on who's here.

We see it like... you don't bring your whole family into your friend's house every time you come at their place, unless you've talked about it, and they say it's okay.

But yep, it's not that easy to be friend with someone with DID when you are DID too, and now we're really careful about meeting another system in real life.

And don't forget that Instagram and YT aren't the real life of those systems. There's a high chance that they don't always interact the way they are on video. Also, it probably took them a lot of time before being able to be overt like that.

We are at the beginning of our journey with this too... its a tough one.

We can find friendships in general hard, and have had quite dysfunctional friends in our past. We've been starting from scratch really, and seeing what we might want to do. We can get quite overwhelmed with the online stuff, with Facebook, Instagram, even big forums like this...! We're mostly quite 'Nature' and 'Basic' folk, and aren't too at home on a computer or phone...so it doesn't come easy to Us...

We've been friends with 'Singleton' people in Mental Health support groups, but are certainly wanting to hang out and make friends with DID peeps. For Us, it's so we can have time not 'worrying' or 'pretending', and just fully being ourselves.

I think we wouldn't mind being ourselves around other Systems, that would be nice... but arranging to meet, finding suitable friends, doing all that planning... ahhhh! Thats a lot of work for Us!

Yea, early days...but we're all certainly keen!