TriggerWarning* I think my parents might have been Satanists

We just wanted to say that we hear what you are saying and think its really important stuff. We couldn't read it all, as it got pretty spacey for Us and we had to stop, but it seems like important work you are all doing.

We relate, and think something similar about our 'parents'. We've only done a tiny little bit of 'looking' and insight, because its a big, scary area to delve into. It contains a lot of terrifying stuff. We're kind of content to just label it and 'leave it' for now.

Good luck with your ventures and journey with it. We'd just say, please be careful, as it's challenging stuff. We believe you, and you're not alone with it!

Gothika (typing) and All of Us

sleepingwolf wrote:We just wanted to say that we hear what you are saying and think its really important stuff. We couldn't read it all, as it got pretty spacey for Us and we had to stop, but it seems like important work you are all doing.

We relate, and think something similar about our 'parents'. We've only done a tiny little bit of 'looking' and insight, because its a big, scary area to delve into. It contains a lot of terrifying stuff. We're kind of content to just label it and 'leave it' for now.

Good luck with your ventures and journey with it. We'd just say, please be careful, as it's challenging stuff. We believe you, and you're not alone with it!

Gothika (typing) and All of Us

Thank you for the reply. Wasn't expecting any on this thread at all so it's much appreciated.

We kind of gone into as much as we feel we need to at the moment. Like listened to Shane who said he carried it and decided he's telling the truth but don't feel the need to go more into it. We go as far as we feel we need so we know enough, and parts know as much as they personally need to know and then we stop but proceed accordingly with life but with added awareness. So one part, the host or unnamed part who got upset reading it, just knows Shane says he experienced rituals. But other parts know more, maybe some know less.

Really didn't expect any replies at all to this so thanks again for the reply and letting us know we were heard,

Typed by No-one (the alter) but from us all (becsuse nobody thought there would be any reply to this so I can say they all would definitely appreciate it).

I hadn't known any of this up till Tuesdays post and I hadn't read the first post of Tuesday. None of it bothered me, to be completely frank I find it mostly funny. Until I read the first post of Tuesday where Pat writes for a host part because she is so emotional just from reading the first post. That brought a couple of tears to my eyes. Years of shame, they feel like. Like she's so upset and disheartened to see common phrases her father used linked to Satanism. That's basically as far as she got. I'm ashamed of the people who did this too her. I'm not ashamed for laughing. The original poster is pretty much correct, I agree with her, who idolises a symbol of evil and if you're going to idolise a punisher then idolise the punishing rather than try to mimic it or get something spiritual out of it. What's that saying about repeating mistakes - why on earth would you eat a metaphorical apple if if caused you to be caste out of paradise, Eve got tricked but mimicking it and offering up a repeat mistake seems incredibly stupid and children can't be held responsible for a choice like that when really they had none. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me - that's it. Sounds stupid but also believable that there are people this stupid. I felt sad for her pain, her pain of the link between common phrases that got drummed into her as a child and an odd weird church created to mock Satan - that's what it seems like to me, mockery.

I have a couple of my own questions. Would Satan want a person to make themselves their own God? - doubtful, he'd want their worship. Would Satan want people to put things on their own head? - that ones harder, yes and no. He would because then they might make better choices but no because then they might make better choices. Heaven and Hell is based on a Christian concept so if you subscribe to the Holy war idea then yes but if you subscribe to a concept that he - it's too complicated to contemplate. Would Satan want people to be atheists? I don't think he cares either way about that one.

Yeah I get this Satanic church nonsense apparently uses the symbol of Satan as a questioner so they say they question. I get the concepts and that they "don't believe in Satan as a deity" or however they put it exactly but I don't get it then, why you naming and bringing Satan into it at all. Be called Atheists unite or the church of questioners. Why mention Satan at all. It's either bs and they do "believe" in him or its for publicity, they use Satan as a brand to attract people. Either way it's weird.

But to read how upset a part of me was just to read that first post about church visits and knowledge is power and that as a child she thought about Satan even though those so called parents weren't religious. To read she got upset just reading that it makes me feel ashamed of those people that caused it, parents and anyone outside influencing those already messed up parents. Y'all sick... That's Shane again. If he was in his "correct" form he'd hunt them down, that's what he said, and go to Hell for the murders. But he's not so we just gotta keep on knowing "the best revenge is a life well lived" it's not the tastiest revenge just to put my input but it is the best because it means that the wronged person lives a good life. With revenge, as Shane basically pointed out, you have to dig two graves - the only exception to that is "the best revenge is a life well lived"

Anyway I just wanted to say it was the upset of the part reading that got to me. So far with this nothing else has. See evil green eyes, demon dogs, this ex bf - lol that's what I wanted to say, this ex bf if you look at him, when he looks his usual self, and someone said "hey that guy is a Satanist" you'd think "huh yeah, I believe you" he looks like one lol, to me he does anyway. Sorry I went back to finding this funny. Because take away the suffering this has caused and it's funny. If I didn't find it funny I'd probably get consumed by rage like Paul did when he realised the shame wasn't his. I know I'm not supposed to find it funny but wtf load of nonsense and I don't mean what parts of me have said, I mean what happened to them wtf and lol how stupid must these people be. It boggles the mind. But I do feel pain over the pain it's caused parts of me. Proceed accordingly I shall, ie without mercy. No-one

I tried to read this but after the first two paragraphs of the very first post sick came up into my mouth so I stopped. I'll try to read it later or another time but based on I wasn't feeling sick and yet two paragraphs in sick came into my mouth there must be some level of truth to this or it's really triggering to somebody.

Also I did have a type of sleep paralysis dream a couple of nights ago where I was still dreaming but stuck in my bed unable to move. Then I was in a forest and then back in my bed. Father Christmas was leaping over the bed. I had this feeling that people outside my window were outside cursing me. Maybe this dream was related to this devil worship stuff. Anyway the people outside were saying curses, father Christmas was leaping over my bed, No-one was there in an invisible way standing next to the bed and she kept wanting me to take father Christmas's hand but I didn't till I was in the wood back in bed, tried to wake up but it was fake waking up and there was no lights and I walked out of bed, got back into bed. But as soon as I reached for father Christmas's hand I woke up properly. I didn't grab his hand, I only had to reach towards it and I woke up. Maybe this cursing, trapped in body dream is related to this. I don't know because I could only read the first two paragraphs and threw up in my mouth. No-one did some protection stuff once I woke up, to protect against whoever was doing the cursing, which sounded like my father in the dream. I forgot the bit about how I walked upstairs in the dream and my parents were in bed with a Chinese woman in my house so I knew I was dreaming and went back downstairs and got back into bed to try to wake up. But the thought was there, they're trying to curse me with covid.

I've had loads of dreams like this in the past so I know how to stay calm and to simply keep trying to wake up but father Christmas being in the dream and reaching towards him making me wake up is a whole new experience.

The last bad bought of these types of dreams was after I upset my mother when my son was about age 2. I had them repeatedly. Eventually a cat my mother had treated badly but I always had a connection with would appear in the dream which was my room exactly and I would think I was awake paralyzed but was still asleep. But once the cat started helping me to realise I was asleep by appearing in the dream I could immediately wake up.

I had them at my old house too but there was definitely a dark spirit there. Other people saw it. And it would sit on my chest at night. It would also give my sone night terrors. People would see it standing under the poisonous tree at the end of the garden. Eventually someone, an alter I mean (I don't want to claim credit because I don't believe it was me, I think it was Karen) exorcised it and chased it from the house, they saw the ground open up and it got dragged away by black spirits and it was screaming "do you know what they will do to me down there" but we didn't so we couldn't answer that. And all the odd activity in the house stopped. I think it was Karen because the ghost was doing it's usually - sitting on the chest, causing weird dreams and someone got annoyed left the body and said get out, the spirit said "oh ###$ you're a real witch" and then the alter which I think was Karen because she says she's a witch chased it to the door, the door flew open and the ground opened up and age watched it get dragged away screaming. She had previously tolerated it and let it live in the hallway but different energies effect these things and my husband had started to come into the house - we had just met him. Rose saw he had alot of bad spirits attached to him but had sent them away so I think him being in the house disrupted the spirit from only being able to live in the hallway, Karen didn't have time to mess around so she exorcised it. But that was all different, definitely a spirit and the dream the other night was stuck in the body can't move dream not wake up feeling something sitting on your chest and open your eyes and see a dark shadow above you.

Anyway perhaps the recent dreams are related to this topic of devil worship because there was curses. Idk.

Ok so they are saying and I don't know if anyone else already wrote this because I haven't read any of it yet due to the sick and it's easier for me to hear it from them in a btw then it is to read it: btw there was alsorts of abuse, I know that, and there was Satanic ritual. Something about being ascended or something - it's jumbled and complicated, other children, rituals. I fought it and instead of whatever they were trying to do with these rituals other stuff happened and I ended up with spirits. Kind of goes against the DID and back to what me and Rose believed but ok. I'll just write it but bare in mind DID is a disorder caused by abuse and this could all be an internal way of coping with abuse somehow. So fought against ritual, first attempt of that resulted not as wanted and ended up with Beth, then went with it because fighting didn't help so the twins. After that the twins went for Overlord, something older than the devil the abusers were talking to, then Paul and Lilly, then Karen, then No-one. Rose I found. I know how Rose came about which is why I went with "I'm probably possessed" I went to a spiritual class where they did past life regression. I was Rose in a past life. I didn't want to leave the past life because it was happy, I felt happy and free like I'd never felt in this life. After the class I walked around ancient woodland where Rose said she was buried, fully connected with her and the energy of Rose was with me from that day which was about 16 years ago now. Beth and Rose got on really well. Karen liked her. So Rose has always been more like an echo and how she has always stayed completely clear of anything in this life but I think recently it effected her free energy because of this stupid ex bf.keep going on and on at her about abuse. Rose didn't exist as a part of my psyche till I had the past life regression. When I was in a town and cursed by gypsies prior to connecting with Rose there was still a connection to her life, Rose is a gypsy I don't know if anyone mentioned that. Anyway I got cursed. My awareness shot away from my body, I was in a large hall full of files, my awareness shot along to a particular file, the draw shot open and @!@@@! to a certain page in that file. I shot back into my body, cursed the gypsy in her own language, she asked in her language who I was I laughed and replied "I'm Rosa Lea" again in her language she was asking me to come back and talk to her (I don't think they like it if you curse them back) but I said in her language "no I'm too busy I have to go to the prison" which I was going to the prison to visit my ex. I put all that down to extreme anger at being cursed and some kind of spiritual reaction I had no control over.

And this is all why I have always avoided mentioning alters to psychiatrists because how can I mention them without mentioning these odd occurrences. Plus they'd probably lock me up and force meds on me. The medical proffession doesn't like odd occurrences and would say I'm making all that up which I know I'm not. I definitely got cursed, cheeses her back in her own language, told her I'm Rosa Lea and then carried on with my life like nothing happened and I wasn't near home so it had zero rumour effect of people in my town saying she's weird and got into an argument with a gypsy in their language so it didn't effect me. Anyway that's why I always went with Rose and spirit stuff. I was just always struggling to work out how I could be all the other parts of me because it didn't make mathematical sense. Like Pat is busy right now, that makes sense. I ask for Pat and he's either here or gone. He isn't in or near the body or mentally reachable. Ask for the others and they are pretty much always around, have existed in the same time frames of life eg Karen and Paul were both alive in the 1970s, I can't be both of them at once. Even if you took that maybe Lilly was Paul's soul mate so is hanging around like Pat does because of Rose it's not possible that I was Karen and Paul in a past life because the dates clash. But if they are alters, it makes sense. If they are possession caused by childhood Satanic abuse then that makes sense. But they can't both be past lives because both of them were alive in their own bodies in the 1970s according to them.

Anyway because of Rose I used to go with the spirit theory. And because of that never mentioned it to doctors. But had embraced the DID concept but now because of this thread I'm wondering differently again - are they spirits. All of them have been effected by Rose and Pat, behaving themselves more since then. Which is put down to co-operation but spirits do not mess with Rose so it could be that.

Anyway maybe it is I was abused, blocked it out, developed a split in my psyche or a few but some of them may actually be some type of possession due to Satanic ritual. Maybe it's all true - could be. Sarah

Ok. I got to read it all without sick coming up again because have No-one with me. The bit that got to me was Pat holding the host and helping her. That's really sweet.

Reading it all did kind of change my mind back to DID and not possession in a way because I didn't know about Shane. I need to find out when the Vietnam war was because No-one said he was in Vietnam. I like to add up dates so I can rule out past life's. When you experience a past life regression, with others because it was group, and it feels so real and you come back with that life - which is what I did although you weren't supposed to do that. I stepped into it as me and stepped out of it as Rose then you feel like you have to rule out that possibility first. Walking to where she said she was buried roughly felt like it sealed that life staying with me.

Anyway so the others concluded there was definitely Satanic abuse as well as all other kinds of abuse. When I read it all it was like reading someone else's life not my own which makes me inclined to say it's fanciful and made up but then I have to remind myself DID is basically seperation of abuse from life. It took therapy to remember and accept just daily simple stuff like having a damp room and nobody cared and sleeping on wasps nest and anything I liked being taken from me - just to accept those things took therapy so to accept all the other stuff is going to take time and therapy. For me right now its like a concept - there is a concept of SA and a fanciful idea that there was Satanic ritual. But like I said just accepting my childhood wasn't perfect how I thought it was took therapy. Also I thought till I had that therapy that I was the problem, this bad terrible person and that's why my parents were currently horrible because they were mean and horrible to me as an adult but I blamed myself and thought it was because I was a terrible child. When I remembered my actual childhood or some of it, that I was neglected and emotionally abused I minimised contact with them - I put it on their head immediately so to speak, as the phrase is used in this post. Once I accepted they were the problem, grieved the loss of something I never actually had (ok parents) I felt ok to minimise with them.

I have zero issue telling them to f off if they try to contact me. They are sick demented weirdos who look normal to anyone who isn't their child. I suppose like all reasonably intelligent peadophiles who abuse their own children. That's a concern. How many children are living a life like I lived and nobody knows? Their lives look normal to the outside, they have respectable jobs and houses and cars and clothes but their children are living in Hell every day suffering. That is making me feel so sad. And because of what severe parental abuse causes, how it causes repressed memory and the mind to fragment those children can't tell anyone not because they're frightened or don't want to but because they are incapable and their suffering is locked away in their minds to torment them years later with time loss and alters and life choices that they don't understand why they made. Those poor children. Its heartbreaking. I can relate to something only when it's about someone else, I can understand it and see how it's awful. When I think about how that's me I get the feeling of shut up moaning and get on with it. But it is awful. How can anyone help these children who are suffering right now? That seems more urgent to me than treating DID and more urgent than my own struggles.

-- Sun May 03, 2020 2:34 pm --

Oh also if they are saying Satanic, under attack then the dream makes sense and I could of been under spiritual attack. I don't rule out spiritual stuff. But No-one did deal with it when it happened. How she dealt with it seems to have worked - I can't really say why I know this due to the nature of how these things work but it appears to have worked.

this is a tough topic for all of us.
we have been dealing with this topic in all of it way it can show its self.
I can't read it all because of our own past but when we are in a good space.
the truth is no matter the flavor of abuse its still just the same.
With just different faces and names.

your not alone be safe

I couldn’t read all of your posts bc this is a topic that is sensitive for me/us.

I have alter(s) that are/believe they are demons. My sister was/is involved in satanism and involved me to some extent although I don’t know to what severity bc frankly, at this time I don’t want to know. Parents may have been involved first which got her/us involved but it’s again a topic I’m deathly afraid to go into. For as long as I can remember the one thing that absolutely terrifies me is demons. And they still do. I’ve been avoiding going down this path to find out what exactly happened, but I know it was very very bad.

But I wanted to state that I understand. And usually I’ve found when a idea pops into my head it’s for a reason. If you’re ready to face it, face it. And if you’re not, that’s okay.