saying hi

T says I cans use her laptop to post today. I be liking the program T an I be doing with forest view.

first thing they tells me is forgets everythings I been reading, looking up and whats people online tells me abouts DID. that they be dealing with facts not theories an they wants to know me not what others be telling me and not whats I be finding online cause lots be what be online lots not apply no mores cause rules change and criteria change and symptoms listings done changed. they wants to know me and hows I really be.

first they be have me testing. lots testing. not online tests that cans be cheated on and change answers for. they gives me these special oral and writing tests not online. they tells me what all my scores mean like where the test score show I be high and I be lows liken I bes high in objectivity lows in digit span, I bes high in reliability scores buts low in matrix reasoning, and low in validity which be different than reliability. reliability is if I answer same way with the same kind of question, validity is ifn I tried to change answers, or leave questions not answer or be not consistant with answers, I not change any answers answered all and was consistant so my validity score be low. low be good in this one. high in oral low in written high in consistancy, high in projectives low in coding, obsevational vs test taking consistant and same scores, low in dimentionals, high impact scores, low irrationalizations, high global scales, high speed and reaction times. there be more but I not remember everthing.

After I be tested I gots to move from isolation room to another nicer room with no camera staring at me all times. that be day three.

me an other peoples just arriving went to orientation class that explain the place and what going to happen there.

sometimes we gets to see special movies abouts DID and dissociation. The stuffs about DID didint have any of the theories peoples try online gets me to be like. it talk about things in facts not theories. things liken brain functions, how alters be made with dissociation flight fight response lots of stuffs. I likes the movies. they shows actual MRIs and EEGs and hows the brain responds to triggers and looking at calm or strange pictures. They said ifn I wants to have those tests I cans and they will video them sos I can sees what my brain be like when triggered an normal things.

I be learning lots about me and DID but lots I cants explain cause peoples heres on psych forum not understand my words and will pick fights with me cause what I be learning aint stuffs can be gots with google.

I also be learning how to protect myself online an in real life liken whats good secrets and what be my abuser secrets, ifn someone tells me not to tell, that be what hospital calls manipulation abuse secret. but it be ok to have secrets on things like be surprise party, an presents for birthdays. we had lots fun in secrets discussion cause they do these things they calls psychodynamic. I calls it playing pretend. they act out different skits to show us whats good secrets and what be bad manipulation abuse secrets. then we gots to pick a card, pick a partner and with out talking act out what the card say to do. I likes psychdynamic therapy class.

I liken the mindfulness therapy work too. we gots to listen to these sounds. my best one I be liken is the birds. remind me of woods back home.

Trauma work be hard here but not too bad. they teach not go into lots detail but learn how to fix the triggers to stay in here an now stead of dissociate. they say when I gets better at recognizing triggers an staying aware then I be ready for the harder work.

They dos IFS here too an CBT an DBT. they also be changing my meds around. first that be hard but it gots better.

I jest got what they say is privleges an can sometimes go out with my T but they real worried cause of this COVID thing so there only be a couple places my T cans take me to and we gots to be careful not to be near other peoples. like 6 feet from other peoples, we went to a dary queen other day. an today we jest be at mcdonalds parking lot in her rent a car.

I be here for couple more weeks they say. I not mind I likes it here.

The place where you are sounds fantastic. Like it covers really important things like MRI which seems to be neglected by many.

Good to hear there's a place like that in the world and that you're getting help.

Hi Andi,

I just wanted to say I like you. I watched your arguments with others. You've even upset parts of my own system at times but I watched your arguments and I like you.

You're firm in where you're coming from. You listen to your intuitive self. Even when it goes against theory on DID.

To let you know, everything is theory. I have three scientists in my head and even gravity is still just a theory so there's no facts. In science you can only disprove something, never prove it. So the place you're in isn't "facts" no place is, nothing is.

BUT you follow what's right and feels right to you regardless and I have alot of respect for that.

Much Luck,

Patrick