Losing time again (A LOT worse.....I think......than before)

I don't understand what is going on. I thought today was Friday. It turns out it's Monday. I either missed all of last week.....or I just have no memory of what happened. In fact.....I don't even remember waking up today......someone else apparently did. I feel like a mess. My denial is horrible. I feel as if I'm crazy. I don't understand that either.

Someone else still thinks it's February. Plus a few days ago someone was playing Christmas music (extremely loud in the inner world). I don't know if that was a "prank" though.......or not. Possibly.

The inner world is very blurry....with lots of "interference".......but yet that's hard to explain.....being that I've been staying there a lot. Not "out" much. I don't understand that either.

Keep having problems typing this. For some reason I keep spelling worng.....and having to retype. UGH! It's very fustrating! I don't even feel like retyping the misspelled words anymore (it's that bad). UGH!

Thought things vere beinging to improve but it's not happening.We still are very bad. Someone else is here right now. I think I know who it si though. Would explain why I'm unable to type right. Very agitated. I think they are. I do know they hate not being able to spell right.

I'm not even sure why I'm typing now. I don't even remember why I began this post in the first place. UGH.

What is going on?

Although maybe I should take this as a good sign. I mean......it's awful......BUT for some reason.....a lot of times things get way worse before they get better..... in our system.

That woud be nice. 2 get better i mean.



EDIT:

Now I'm having a "burning" sensation in my head. Very uncomertable. I'm defintely co-con with someone right now. Typing is getting worse again.

I had burning the other day. Did you then have more access to all the things you're missing or missed? That's what happened to me.

I can't type or read, I always have somebody internal helping me. That creates a pressure feeling to the side of my brain or head and around the eye.

People in this system never know what time of year it is, not all of them anyway. I kept thinking it was summer and even once said to someone outside a sentence that implied it's summer now. Internal correction "it's February dummy" But it's march lol, close enough, it's still cold. Patrick

But at the same time somebody pretty much always knows the actual date.

-Time of year, dates etc are very unimportant to us except when we're waiting for something particular.-

We make a big deal out of holidays. Firstly to make them our own and secondly because if there is alot of energy, thought, planning going into a holiday then more of the system will be able to aknowledge the time of year. -Decorations are important-. We lapsed on Easter decorations the last couple of years -but they put the eggs out so early it gets really confusing- for us. So we kind of let Easter pass unnoticed for the last couple of years. -Also our mother ruined easter-. We were taking our holidays back, making them our own, so baking things and making things - stuff she wouldn't do-. She stole Easter back off us let's put it like that. Not sure how to make it ours again, -could let Rose go to church or something- because that's not something parents did at Easter. *We need to take Easter back somehow*

We're 40 soon so to try to get every part up to speed that we're 40 we're having a week of birthday. An activity or recognition that we are 40 every day for about a week, -9 days actually-. And bought ourselves an Emerald ring as 40th birthday present.

There the things we do to try to keep everyone upto spead -but it is practically impossible-. So we have "live life today wherever you find yourself, whatever you're doing" policy. -Live life enjoy it-.

When Lilly found herself in a garage working on a car she wasn't happy -but she did stay to the end of the day-. When she woke up still in the body the next day she didn't go to work and went shopping. -It may not have been the next day-. To her it was the next day. She thought "not again" didn't call in sick and did whatever she wanted, -which was to see if she'd missed out on anything-. Tried the favourite food that had commonly been eaten, salmon Benedict, wasn't impressed. Walked round some shops, concluded she'd missed nothing.

It's not the best disorder, -it does ruin or can ruin your life-. You can only do whatever you can do. If you're functioning then you're winning, unfortunately that's sometimes as good as it gets.

Much luck and wishes that things improve for you, the twins (Trouble and Fortune)

Hi Ponyta,

Sounds like something is triggering you A LOT. Maybe you could check and see. It's no fun getting slammed by something.

Iain

Thank you.....to all of you......for your replies and kind words! I greatly appreciate it!

Sorry that I'm unable to find the strength to write more....right now. Been very weak for multiple days now. Not sure why. The inner world is very blurry (when I'm "out"). I don't feel "right". Not sure what is going on. I heard someone say something about the "balance" being thrown off........I don't know what that's supposed to mean (the inner world "shakes" every now and then........I'm not sure what's going on.)

I'm still losing time horribly. In fact I feel I have no clue what day it is. UGH! I know I looked at the calendar multiple times already. UGH! Why can't I remember a few seconds after checking it? Something's going on.