Introductions and Advice seeking

Hi, my name is K... and I have a wife with DID. To tell you the truth, it is very hard to live with someone with it, although it does have its moments. I feel more of a single parent than a spouse. My wife of 7 years (We were together 6 years before we married) is the love of my life. We were very aware that she had a big problem, but we couldn't put a finger on it. We first blamed it on hypoglycemia, because we would give her a banana or some fruit, and she would feel better, but it didn't work all the time. Diet changes helped her, but it never could cure her. She would get disoriented, lose all sense of time, would fall unconcious, or practically not know where she was. About 6 months of dating of my wife, we were in my apartment, just chilling out, when she came out. A shy, girl, probably about the age of 3 years old, stood there with fear in her eyes. She hid in the kitchen and would not come out. I left the room to get my cellphone out to call her mom, and all of a sudden the girl fled my apartment, but was unable to leave the building because you need a key to get in, and a key to get out, and so she just stared out the door. I came down and invited her back up, I consoled her with candy and told her that I will call her mom to come by. I called her mom and within about 2 hours her mom came by, during that time, I did not know what was going on, and was scared for her. That person I met was Abi, the first alter I have ever met. She is a sweet and timid girl, afraid of everyone accept me and her 'mom'. Her other alters came after. Ita, an 8 year old mute girl, Alonso, a 6 year old boy with burned scars all over his body, Kaitzandra, a 16 year old young woman who is bitter at all the world. Each alter is a wonderful person, and unique in their own way.

The funny thing about DID, out of all the disassociative disorders, and out of all the psyiatric disorders, DID is by far the most interesting out of all them. I am quite fond of all my wife's alters, and I treat them as if they were my kids. They are wonderful, and usually well-behaved.

Despite for my affection for them, living with someone with this is very taxing. My wife cannot work, and I fear every time she leaves that an alter would pop up and not know where to go. They have a cellphone, but for the life of me, they never use it.

We never went to see anyone for help on this, because we just learned to manage it. But, in the back of my head, I know we can't go forever like this. We are a one income family, no kids, but we are struggling financially because my time is split between working full-time, cleaning up, and cooking. I cannot trust the alters in cooking at all, and my wife also suffers from a car wreck that mangled her back and foot.
My wife has never worked outside the home for more than a couple of years. I don't know if we can get her disability. We live in the US, and she is an immigrant (legal, of course) Would love to hear from this community, and get some pointers, as I feel like I am a newbie in all this.

Hi welcome,
I am married to a man with DID and it's a tough ride, at varying points when we thought everything was under control, there's more we need to contend with. But then it is not a easy call for us to up and go, I am attached to his littles who sees me as a nurturing mother, and the host of the system, my husband has always been faithful and loving to me. There are others who didn't regard me as a partner but was hidden for some time. Did things that really hurt me but we are trying to move past that as I know it is due to underlying unresolved trauma. I am seeking therapy myself as it has taken a mental toll on me. Please practise self care and do post here often. It is nice to see SOs here. Because our issues are so complex as DID spouses, we can't really seek regular old marriage counseling or have anyone to talk to in a general SO forum. It is hard for systems to find someone to speak too, and it's as hard as or maybe even harder for spouses living with someone who has did to find an outlet or someone to speak to about our fears, anxieties and what we are feeling. My own family and friends are not grasping the extent of what we go through on a daily basis. One thing I know for sure is that spouses like us are very resilient emotionally and mentally. We have to be. But there are times I feel like my world is ending or I can't go on anymore, I don't dissociate as much like my hubby does to cope. So self care and being able to find a therapist who understand complex trauma+couple counseling+ mood disorders for yourself is good, they understand what we deal with, and can provide tailored advice to us.

Another thing, since you re worried about your wife wondering off and going missing, which is a possible even if remote, when new alters wake up they often have no recollections of current situation. Have you gained the trust if the system, especially protectors? Her protector can help you keep watch. Also if the system agrees to it, you can have a gps tracker on their phone for their own safety. And it's a good idea to put a note in her wallet, my wife have episodes of memory loss where she may be disoriented. I am her guardian/husband. Please contact me at this number if you see this note.

Thank you for responding. I have to admit that I am very new to the game and there is a lot of jargon that I do not know. I am not sure about the trust of her alternate personalities. I know of a few that do not trust me. I wish they would. I also have a few that love me dearly, and I them. However, sometimes the alters do not appear frequently. Like, I haven't seen one in a week, and it was for no more than 5 minutes, and before that, I haven't seen them in many weeks. Sometimes, they are very present, and are dominating my wife's ego constantly, where I would not speak to my wife for days. It is all strange to me, and I do not know where to start. We went to therapists, and they didn't know how to handle it. Her alters do not trust anyone, are very shy. The funny thing is that I wish I had a better relationship with them, and were to see them more regularly. I guess it is because we cannot have children that makes me feel this way, but I try your advice on this, as I probably need to see a therapist.