What was it like when you found out?

I'm just going to say Hi, I want people to know that I exist (whoever I am).

I've recently discovered on my own that I am divided inside though I'm not sure of the magnitude of it, got a lot of conflicting feelings lately that I realise come from conflicting parts of me.
Some want to stay positive but some are overwhelmed with hurt and they are tired of the way things are, they don't really like life all that much (to put it mildly).

I think this happened because I just entered trauma therapy for the first time in my life, it wants to be known to me that things aren't good inside.
Made a lot of changes in life this year, some didn't take too kindly to change and we went from being seemingly fine and positive to raging and depressed.
Now we are indoors all day playing computer games, no life to speak of, we don't even have energy enough to do some light yoga. (I used to love my yoga classes)

I've been reading a lot, trying to figure out where I fit in exactly though I understand that I may not have all the info (and for good reason).
I was just curious about this one "quirk" that I/we have and wondered if anyone else recognize this: Sometimes when I'm alone i blurt things out, I get this urge to say stuff repeatedly and feel some kind of intensity that I don't know what it is.
Usually something crude or dark..

I just realized it sound like tourettes, but I feel like it's not me (can alters have tourettes? I guess so..)
Gah! I'm confused..
The latest scentence is kind of triggering: "I hope you die", I don't feel like it's directed at me though and this only comes out when I'm alone.

Is it common to get scentences from "out of nowhere" when you have DID?
I mean.. ofcourse it is.
But I still doubt, I wonder a lot about how others found out they had DID, what they experienced and so on.
I don't suffer black outs so therefore I thought I was alone.. but time is weird, like the feeling of time going by fast or slow.
And reality is blurred.
And I don't know who I am.

Help?

Have you got a dx of DID?

I am confused at what you mean by this, do you mean when I got a dx of DID or when I knew there were alters and not everyone had this?

- Purple Haze

I say phrases sometimes. Usually it's bits of song lyrics somebody likes. The song will play over and over in the mind which is ignorable and then it'll be certain lyrics that are sung over randomly.

The song in the head at the moment is a chart song. And the repeating lyric is "I came to wrap it up" Yesterday it was "rule no2 don't make a promise, if you can't keep a deal then just be honest" or the other day it was "if you could find it in your spirit to leave us all alone and go and mind your f'in business" Before it's been lines like.. I can't remember but I know it changes and I know those were the last few days. It's not my type of music these songs. I dunno who's type of music they are but it's not mine. I know pretty much all the words now though because of it playing over and over. I've had this since as long as I can remember, early childhood, a song will just play over and over in the mind. It used to bug me but it doesn't anymore. The saying a particular line out loud repeatedly seems to come with it now.

No-one

I can very much relate to what you wrote. We're going through the same sort of thing. We also recently started therapy with a trauma T. Maybe that is common? I am not sure we can entirely relate on the blurting out of words. We have parts that will start growling though for no apparent reason.

I get sentences all the time but I dont think I will be of much help since I dont know if they are just random thoughts or not. They ask alot of questions to things I already know the answer to. Like Do you like ice breaker gum? Which I already know I dont. Or do you like raisins? I already know I dont like raisins. Sometimes they cuss and say rude things. Idk

AutumnJ wrote:Have you got a dx of DID?

I am confused at what you mean by this, do you mean when I got a dx of DID or when I knew there were alters and not everyone had this?

- Purple Haze

No, I don't have a diagnosis yet and I doubt I'll be able to get one anyway since I've lost trust in a lot of the mental health proffessionals.

And as I understand- not everyone finds out with their diagnosis, some people can know or suspect beforehand.

Rive wrote:I get sentences all the time but I dont think I will be of much help since I dont know if they are just random thoughts or not. They ask alot of questions to things I already know the answer to. Like Do you like ice breaker gum? Which I already know I dont. Or do you like raisins? I already know I dont like raisins. Sometimes they cuss and say rude things. Idk

I don't understand what part of this you don't understand. Parts don't know same things you do. So it makes very much sense they ask things they don't know, to get to know you. Why don't you just tell them do you or not, ans ask if they like them? They have different likes and dislikes than you do, they are not you. There's no difference with talking a part and talking to an outside person. Do you think it's stupid if I come to you and ask do you like raisins, because you know the answer.

People ask question because THEY want to know and they can't just read your mind.

Parts can sometimes feel other parts feelings or thoughts, but not always. But you know this, you are a part yourself too. You know sometimes you know what someone thinks, because you hear them, but you don't hear them all all the time. If you would read all of their minds all the time, there would be so much noise inside your head you couldn't make any sense out of it. So parts know something sometimes, but if they ask, they clearly don't, and they ask it from you because you know the answer.

It's not stupid if I ask you what you like or not, although you know it. I ask it because you do know it and I wanna know it too. What is so hard to understand in normal communication?

Why do you ask question from us? Is it stupid, because we already know the answers? No, it's not, because you don't know answers and that's why you ask. Right?

That's not rocket science, it's normal conversation.

rebellious wrote:I'm just going to say Hi, I want people to know that I exist (whoever I am).

I've recently discovered on my own that I am divided inside though I'm not sure of the magnitude of it, got a lot of conflicting feelings lately that I realise come from conflicting parts of me.
Some want to stay positive but some are overwhelmed with hurt and they are tired of the way things are, they don't really like life all that much (to put it mildly).

I think this happened because I just entered trauma therapy for the first time in my life, it wants to be known to me that things aren't good inside.
Made a lot of changes in life this year, some didn't take too kindly to change and we went from being seemingly fine and positive to raging and depressed.
Now we are indoors all day playing computer games, no life to speak of, we don't even have energy enough to do some light yoga. (I used to love my yoga classes)

I've been reading a lot, trying to figure out where I fit in exactly though I understand that I may not have all the info (and for good reason).
I was just curious about this one "quirk" that I/we have and wondered if anyone else recognize this: Sometimes when I'm alone i blurt things out, I get this urge to say stuff repeatedly and feel some kind of intensity that I don't know what it is.
Usually something crude or dark..

I just realized it sound like tourettes, but I feel like it's not me (can alters have tourettes? I guess so..)
Gah! I'm confused..
The latest scentence is kind of triggering: "I hope you die", I don't feel like it's directed at me though and this only comes out when I'm alone.

Is it common to get scentences from "out of nowhere" when you have DID?
I mean.. ofcourse it is.
But I still doubt, I wonder a lot about how others found out they had DID, what they experienced and so on.
I don't suffer black outs so therefore I thought I was alone.. but time is weird, like the feeling of time going by fast or slow.
And reality is blurred.
And I don't know who I am.

Help?

Hi whoever you are!

I didn't discover my alters until I started therapy with someone who made it safe for me to become aware of them. I didn't consciously know about them, but I knew I had a dissociative disorder of some kind, and the therapist I found happens to be an expert in treating DID. I was very fortunate to find him.

This all sounds very typical for starting to be aware of alters. The sentences aren't "out of nowhere" they are from other parts. And it is also typical to doubt, and to be really shaken up by the new knowledge. I had a lot of trouble sleeping when I first found out, and I also spend hours and hours reading posts on this forum.

You don't need to have blackouts, and it's ok not to know who you are. Does your therapist have experience with DID? It is very tricky to treat, and just being a trauma therapist isn't enough.

rebellious wrote:Is it common to get scentences from "out of nowhere" when you have DID?
I mean.. ofcourse it is.
But I still doubt, I wonder a lot about how others found out they had DID, what they experienced and so on.
I don't suffer black outs so therefore I thought I was alone.. but time is weird, like the feeling of time going by fast or slow.
And reality is blurred.
And I don't know who I am.

From what I know, it is common! We have thoughts like this, that sometimes just pop up and we don't know who they come from. Sometimes we can identify the voice of one of us, or we guess who it is by the tone and the way of speaking, but sometimes it's just very difficult to say. We don't get that with out loud sentences as much as we do with intrusive thoughts, but the principle is I think the same.
Also, it's very normal, or at least for us, to feel like time is going too slow or too fast, or to feel confused and out of reality. We had that way more years ago, when every day was like waking up into a thick fog that covered everything around us. We dissociated most of the time and felt very numb to everything. We almost never completely blackout, but we do lose memories here and there. Our memory is just really bad per se.
If you feel like you don't know who you are, expressing what you feel and expressing yourself usually helps for us. Put on some music that you know you like, or dress with clothes that you like. Make your identity known to yourself, and if you feel some conflicting thoughts about something, try to distinguish which one you feel the closest to yourself. For example, there have been instances in which I felt very blended with someone and didn't know who it was; I would just go through their playlists, or their clothes, or their stuff in general, and from there I could identify who was co-conscious with me. I would see some of Nico's clothes in the closet and feel like I wanted to put them on, so I would know that it was him.

Nice to meet you and good luck with everything. Hope this helps!

rebellious wrote:[...]No, I don't have a diagnosis yet and I doubt I'll be able to get one anyway since I've lost trust in a lot of the mental health proffessionals.

And as I understand- not everyone finds out with their diagnosis, some people can know or suspect beforehand.

Hi again. Fair enough re dx. You are correct, not everyone does find out with their dx. I had always suspected beforehand. Thought everyone was like me, thought everyone had what back then I called parts. I later had an informal dx of DID, it didn't go on my notes. At that time I was told they were called alters. Then recently I got a formal dx of DID, which did go on my medical notes. The Consultant explained things more for me and explained better what alters were. I did have an understanding of what they were, but was better after they explained it. Everything made sense after that formal dx. Everything fell into place and I, we are a lot happier.

I hope that helps.

Whatever path this journey takes you, we hope you find help and answers that are good for you.

- Purple Haze