rebuilding trust with a little

I feel sick.

Today we had a gynochology thing and because of peter being so active today we decided this mornings therapy session would be the one where doctor doug would inform peter about the fact that he is a girl an DOESNT change externally when he fronts. (we have had the "you are a girl" convo before but peter got it mixed up and though he was just MAINLY a girl and thats why sometimes he woke up in a skirt...)

Cue a lot of anger and doubt and constant switching as if, if he stayed out long enough he could make the body grow a pair of testicals or something.

Anyway Grace and I were so busy dealing with peter that when 2 hours later we were sitting in the gynocologists waiting room we didn't notice the nurse calling us. It went from us saying "come in peter you have to go to sleep now we have to do girly stuff with the doctor" to us waking up on the gurny clutching a stuffed sheep, face and hair soaked in tears and a nurse stroking our head.

We had forgotten all about Elspeth.

TW medical procedure

She has never come to the front except once in the therapists room and a handful of times late at night in the dark where she can be alone. The waiting room for the gynocologist is typical NHS similar to the therapists waiting room. She must have thought the nurse was taking us through to see doctor doug, and she must have wanted to share something or she wouldn't have gone. Our Journal has a horible picture of her being restrained by the nurse while a doctor stabs her with giant sword and the word WHY in shaky letters. The procedure didnt actually involve a sword but thats how she understood the pain of the camera.

TW ends

Its taken so long to build enough trust that the world is safe that she can come out and not be hurt and now as far as she is concerned we have lied and the "good guys" have assulted her. How do I, how do we, rebuild that trust? We cant even find her to tell her why and that we are sorry. That we failed her.

Mo

ps. Because of our sensory issues (autism) there is a note on our medical files to state that we should be restrained during surgical procedures. The nurse was only following instructions.

Hi Mo,

I'm sorry that happened to Elspeth. That's really awful.

(TW needles - Iain)

That happened to me once because I'm scared of needles and Host said we were going to get pancakes for breakfast but I didn't know he was going to stop at the blood place and get stuck with a big needle first. I was scared and super mad that he lied to me but he didn't lie he just thought I'd be inside only I wasn't because I was too excited about pancakes so I was right there when the nurse stuck us with the needle. Host apologized to me and even wrote it on a card that he was sorry. He promised to always let me know about getting needles before we go in the building so I won't get surprised. He also talked about it with our T and I got to talk too. Our T said that sometimes Host might mess up and that wasn't because he was mean or didn't like me anymore. Anyway I hope this helps you so Elspeth can be ok.

Bye.

Evan

What a cruel day for your littles. I don't know about the girl, but WHY on earth you need to be mean to that boy. You don't make littles watch how old they really are either, they're allowed to be who they are, because they can't be anything else. Then why do you attack on someone's gender, it's so cruel? OUTSIDE BODY is woman, but Peter is a boy. He needs to visit that outside body and he can't change that, but if it's too much to him to think about, he is allowed to not think about it too much but make the body feel more like his. It is as much his than any else's and something to help him with. What was the point in doing that? That does not make him feel more safe and accepted, but the exact opposite. Pointing out he does not have testicles, oh my GOD, can you be more mean to a boy? HE does, your body doesn't. If our T is EVER gonna say anything like that to any of our boys, we will walk out of there. I do not deliver system members for T t attack. I'm on their side, our side. When T is on the opposite side than the system, that is a huge problem.

Sorry for the OT, but there's another one betrayed too. I get it's something T wanted to do, and not your fault, but it doesn't mean that is right or acceptable. Peter tells you who and how he is like and you learn from him, not the other way round.

We try to explain beforehand to as many parts we can reach exactly what is going to happen if we need to have surgery or a procedure, and why we're doing it.

We put it into language that they can understand, and especially talk about any possible pain. What will happen before, during, and after. We don't just hope they'll go to sleep or not be present, especially when something scary/painful is happening.

And I agree with Floralie that I don't see the need to be cruel to Peter like that. Does Doctor Doug know anything about treating DID?? Peter is not a girl, he is 7 yo boy who happens to be inside an older female body. And he is Doctor Doug's client as much as you are. So you planned to stress him out in a major way right before a medical procedure? I just really don't understand the thinking involved.

I'm sorry today was so difficult for Peter and Elspeth. It sounds like a awful day all around.

Hi

As a rule peter is treated as peter, age, gender and all by Doctor Doug but at our last but last week he became distressed by the fact that we were on our period. He went from thinking we were dying to reciting dogmatic crap about how women are the spreaders of sin and should be segregated. He thought grace and I were deliberately covering him with blood because we wanted him to go. He was freaked.

Given that this body is going to be having a period every month for at least another 20 years Doctor Doug thought it was best that peter know that the outside was a girl and that being a girl didn't make him bad or evil or less of peter but it did mean that once a month he was going to have "yeuchy girl stuff" happening and that him coming to the front wouldn't change that and that this girly stuff was perfectly normal.

Our fear was if peter came to the front during the medical procedure and saw himself sans "gentleman's parts" he would get seriously traumatized. The logic was if Doug explained that the outside body was not going to match peters inside body seeing the difference would not be so distressing....

We are only Dr Doug's second DID patient and there are only 8 more sessions left till we are on our own which may have influence thinking somewhat?

Thanks Evan I think we will make a card too and leave it with the stuffy (we have one hidden under the bed) that way when they come back out Peter and Elspeth can see it.