Very unstable

I have felt very unstable today. Just mad and irritated then sweet and kind. I had the thought to do something harmful and then said shut up to myself. If you were becoming psychotic would you be aware of it or beginning to have schizophrenia would you be aware of that?

Sounds like switching or passive influence to me. Those are not symptoms of a psychotic illness.

hi, everybody has unstable days, weeks, that‘s okay! i hope you’re taking care of yourself on the days your mind is rough on you <3
I personally do not have any experience with psychosis, but I know of some ways to deal with them. What I think would help you to figure out whether you are displaying symptoms of psychosis or not, is to write down all the symptoms you are experiencing (any delusions, paranoia, hallucinations or disorganized speech) and to do reality checks. You could check in with a friend or trusted person, whether what you‘re experiencing is „real“ (real in the sense of physically happening in the external world) by just asking them „hey do you see/hear/smell xyz too?“, if they are seeing/hearing/smelling it too, then you know it wasn‘t a hallucination. If there aren‘t any trusted humans around, try looking at animals and their behaviour (you just heard a loud band and you aren‘t sure whether you just imagined it or not, is your pet cat startled? are the birds flying from their branches) to try and figure out whether the sensation was real or not.
I hope you‘ll have a calm night and a stable day tomorrow.

****Trigger warning***(mention of knife , animals, harm)****

Like I said I have been very moody today. I was looking for a lighter in the administrators room( she lives here, its her bedroom) I go in there to snuggle the dogs sometimes or take a nap with them. When I was in the drawer I saw a knive. I have been thinking about getting a small knive for protection. There is a guy here that had two knives under his bed and they still allow him in the kitchen by himself. Things are getting rough here. I had to run to the bathroom and when I was in the bathroom I had a thought to harm the dogs with the knive which is the last thing I want to do I love them so much so I said shut up to myself. Then I went to the administrator and said Hey I noticed you have a small knive. I need it for protection. She said well what if you go off and dont really need it for protection which really upset me and made me feel like showing I was like that in some way. What is going on with me?

Other things like that happen to me as well like I had a thought about harming my mother. I was fighting myself internally about it. I was saying I dont want to and a thought popped up show her you will.

Then one day some guy was mouthing off to one of the staff at the group home and I care about her so I began thinking that I would jump up and help her if he hit her. I was feeling very unstable that day. I was thinking I could show her I was stable by helping her but felt I was losing it that day and it would be shocking to people if I seemed stable one minute with the possibility of not being stable shortly after. Like it was some sort of game or I need to prove I am not stable after all. I do actually care about her getying hit. I am really scared about this stuff that is happening with me.

It might help a lot if you wrote these things down. Let the part express itself who wants to hurt your mother--what they want to do and why. Then you (or another part who doesn't want to hurt her) can say why you don't want to. The same with the part who was angry at the guy talking back to the staff member--let them express themselves on paper about it.

Right now they don't have an outlet for these feelings and the pressure from them is scaring you. Let them write down their feelings so they feel heard. That will probably help a lot. Remember to write down your feelings also, about being scared so they understand and you guys can start to take care of each other.

I just dont understand how I can't know if this is just me becoming psychotic. Its really a mess. I am also confused about what passive influence is. Is it still an alter? How is it different from a switch?

Is it possible for you to email you therapist? Put it all in an email and ask her for advice and help? You had hypnosis this week, maybe this has something to do with it? Just a thought...

Thanks guys. I see her today. I will ask her about all of this.

Sounds like you're in a rough environment and you reacted by wanting to protect yourself with a knife.

That is natural. It's human nature. If I was you I'd probably or possibly feel the same.

You need to get out of there. Not because you're in danger. I'm sure you're not. But because it doesn't seem to be doing your mental health much good. Maybe get out to do some voluntary work. That really helped me in the past because it let's your mind focus on something else.

Work is stressing me out atm as well as all my other imaginary stuff that I wrote about on your other post. But that's the greif. Also it'd get you out of there a bit more to a more normal and safe environment.

Just an idea. Much Luck.