Life aspects

So I've been spending the last 10 years, after 10 years of various therapies and self development classes in working towards a life model that works for the whole of me.

First I tackled religion. Everyone had different religion or no religion and different beliefs. So that took alot to resolve and in the end we just combined beliefs and live accordingly to that in a way that suits us.

Then I tackled work. Where I work suits everyone. It's a unique place and we all get to use our various skills. If the place shuts we go back to a "portfolio career" and work for ourselves in our different ways again. So I have that sorted.

Last on the list is romantic relationship. It seems I go out with toxic people who hurt me because I was frightened of hurting non-toxic people. Being around a toxic person is obviously awful and damaging. I meant to be single but accidently got in a relationship with another toxic guy. It took a while but I realised he's toxic.




So that's what I'm tackling now. It's recently come to my realisation that being around someone with DID is very confusing and difficult. That a person with DID is hard work, blows hot and cold and can appear to be lieing and deceptive.

This is a major issue if I'm actually going to have a healthy relationship. Which is my aim. Firstly it's a major issue because I don't want to integrate (which would cut out most of the problems I guess). Secondly it's a major issue because I don't want to tell the person I'm in a relationship with that I have DID.

Only letting the person I'm with in a relationship "see" one person is not viable for me because I don't think that's fair. Everyone has to know them and like them. That's my problem. The problem that creates for the poor soul I could date is that I will be all the things listed above and having been at close quarters on the receiving end of this recently I realise this could be horrible for them and confusing.

I need to be able to be myself (selves which makes it worse) and the other person needs to feel secure in the relationship. Lieing, lots of lieing, seems like the only option ie if someone internally doesn't like the person then they could lie to them - this doesn't sound like a viable plan. So far I got nothing plan wise. So I'm staying single till I've worked out how to manage this, not even going on dates because that's how I accidentally got in another relationship with a toxic person (all his ex's ran away from him so I'm certain he is toxic and it's not me messing with myself, I think I fooled myself he was ok for a long while but he's definitely toxic).

I value honesty in a relationship so I'm going to have to come to terms with I will have to tell them I have DID but that is an abhorrent idea to me. This "having a healthy relationship" thing is going to take longer than the other life aspects that cause most upset which is why I left it till last.