The problem of dating...

I've never had serious relationship, and I see many reasons why it would be hard in the future too.

First of all, the sexuality. My sexuality is mostly in my teen boys. If I needed to have sex with someone now, I would want to be treated as a boy, not as a woman. The womanhood is in a part too, in Anastasia. She is self assured and sexually dominating, doesn't want to be touched, or if so, it would be very controlled, by herself. She is BDSM all the way, not interested in having an intercourse or any traditional sex. But I am not her. She has grown from me, but I am not her. I could act like her, but it's not the same.

My OWN sexuality is pretty undeveloped. I think I'm mostly teen in that area. Men of my age feel like dinosaurs of past times. Seriously. They would have totally different kind of situation in life, they would probably be divorced and have families. That's totally out of my .. it's just too grown up. I don't want to be with some old grown up man.

I'm not interested in younger ones either, then I would feel like a dinosaur myself with this wrong kind of body. There is no sexuality in me, that would match with the body.

I think it would be hard to even talk about many important things when dating. What if I would go on a date and they would ask about my past. What would I say? "I don't actually have a past like that at all, because I haven't existed as me before." Being at my age and never had real relationship is a red flag to many people, and I do understand why.

But biggest issues are the trust issues. I do not believe in kind words. I can not use anyone to support me at any level. There has never been anyone for me to trust, so it's just something I can't do. I don't have it in me. It's something I try to learn in therapy now, but I have so much issues and only three years possible to have therapy, so I do know not all will be fixed at all.

I don't miss anyone on my side, I don't feel lonely. Boys of my inner world do have relationships and if I need human affection, that's w.here I go, to be one of them in their relationships. That's how my world works. In a way I don't need anything from real life, except things to keep me alive. Everything important is in the other world.

Real life things are way too complicated and uncontrolled.

If I will end up with someone, I think it would be someone I get to know from somewhere naturally and we'll start being together. I can't really picture myself going on dates, like looking for someone on purpose. That is way too competitive field for me.

Thanks a lot for all sharing your thoughts and personal experiences on this topic. It helps to see, that I am not alone with this struggle, but also helps to hope that a good relationship is not a per se an impossible thing to have in life, even if you experience more than one self in your body.

I like the idea of allowing thoughts about dating and relationships even if we are feeling very chaotic at the moment, but it is a topic that is quite important for some and if we better know how everyone feels about this and what dreams and wishes exist, it might be easier to avoid disasters and to actually look for someone (or more) who could be compatible with this.

But it also is probably a good idea, to sort some things out before we actually try to involve other persons deeper into our life, also because I don't want to hurt others or be a burden. And of course I don't want to cause panic in my inside.
So... thoughts only for now, but with the possibility that it will become more if all are comfortable with it.