Probably losing time after all

My sisters pet dog is in my care now. She had an accident (the dog, not my sister), and since I'm veterinarian nurse and she needs extra support now, it's very logical she came to live with me until she's better. There was medications after every couple of hours before, which is not easy to give, and also I live alone in a small apartment so her surroundings are very controlled compared to her own home with three kids and their friends etc, and I'm home a lot and her owners work full time, in here she's not unsupervised almost at all and I can take care of all medications. Also I know when to worry and when not, because this is what I also do for living.

She started to be little bit better and when she had control visit at the vet, the medication was reduced to only 4 times a day, so once in every six hours. I have a phone reminder for me when it's time to medicate just in case, but actually don't need it, because I am paying attention. But if the times wouldn't be fixed like they are, at 6 and 12 both am and pm, I could swear it hasn't been so long since the last medication. When I'm giving it to her, I always feel like I would just have done it. But I know for a fact there's no mistakes and I've taken care of everything like I should've, because I don't break my routines around them.

So I am paying attention to what time it is, and usually turn the alarm off before it starts to make any noise and give the meds. And even when I have all the time known what time it is, because I am looking at the watch all the time, I still feel those six hour times between meds have just disappeared. It didn't feel like that when the meds were more frequent, but now I feel like I have spent the same time doing something between the medication times, than I did when they were more frequent. My inner clock feels like I would be medicating her every three hours, when in fact I do every sixth.

Even with the knowledge of what time it is, I still feel like loosing time at least half of every six hours. Clocks and my alarm prove me wrong, but it has been very short six hour times in my days lately.

I know I do everything like I should. We would go out four times a day, but she wants only three, so that's what she gets. She has different kind of meds also (not related to the accident), and it's twice a day, and I give it at the same time I take my own pills. And I also feed her then at the same time, twice a day. Everything is fine, but my inner clock is messed up.

I don't know how it is possible to know what time it is all the time, and still feel like losing half of it.

Hi Floralie,

Yeah, those situations of 'proof' can be worrying at first. It's part of the deal, you'll be ok. Nothing has changed, you're 'just' becoming more aware of it. And what a good/responsible job you're doing with setting the time and taking care of that dog. That's great:)

The good thing is I can trust I do take care of things I need to, because it's different me taking care of pets than feeling bad for example. Those were clearly separate parts of me even as a teen with my first very own dog. I groomed her every week, I even wanted her paw fur to be trimmed certain kind, I brushed her teeth and walked with her for hours a day. I trained all kind of tricks with her and we did competitive obedience, agility and dog shows. And at the same time I was very depressed and couldn't take care of myself, I was skipping school and cutting myself, had eating disorder symptoms, was suicidal etc.

I know I can trust my ANPs, and I can trust them to the point pets I take care of for their owners, are happy to come to my place. That's what I'm telling myself now. There's nothing new and I'm still doing all the right things, and I don't need to fear them to disappear just if get more aware of the other ones.

And I do know my 14 year old is feeling bad at the moment, I even called to psychiatrist to have more medication to the 14 year old now.

Need to mention about this to our T on Friday.

I deal with the "time loss" thing a lot. I have for years and never understood it... just figured it was a memory issue, later attached to a blackout condition (a physical problem, not likely but possibly connected, but we have no idea yet)... But I've had comments from others about conversations and doing things during these times some times, and reports of my alters talking to people during these times (since I've become aware of it, and even before seeing their activity online and things moved around the room/house)... Anywhere between 7-10 hours a week is common for me- and this is the time I KNOW about. There's likely other times I miss entirely, or underestimate. I just keep a log of the time I realize I've lost... and let my doctor know... just as a means of gauging progress or awareness...

I don't know how much time I lose because I don't like it when it's not the time I think it should be and generally I struggle to accurately recognise the passage of time I think it's because my time isn't always my time but someone else's or our time and I get confused. So as a result I tend to ignore the actual time when I can. Also I relate to the being able to look after the animals but not yourself. I'm a dog walker and no matter how bad I feel I can always find energy to get out and walk them but I can't always find energy to perform basic self care for myself.