dreams without feeling asleep

We weren't sure before if we had reflux on the mornings, or if we were just anxious to the point of vomiting. Turned out to be anxiousness, because with reflux doesn't come the feelings of despair. And those morning despair feelings are odd, they are about anything that is going to happen during that day. If I am about to go to work, I feel I really can't, it's too much. But if I have a day off, the feeling is exactly the same, but because I have nothing to do, so there's no point in anything, and then I'm anxious because my life is pointless. I don't want to get up, or stay in bed, because neither one is gonna help with the feeling.

I think our problems with sleeping are mix of things. I think some parts may not feel safe at night time. On the other hand wen I was still living at home, like as a teenager, I wanted to be awake thru nights, because that was my own quiet time, when others were sleeping and I got to be alone. That was also the reason why we even didn't want to change for years, night is in a way the safe time, that's when we got to be who we are, and no one will disturb it.

Sleeping pills can be effective, but if we are hyperaroused, there's no point even trying with them. When there's hundreds of thousands thoughts running thru your mind in one minute, brains just can slow down, until they at some point fell in sleep from full speed for a moment. Sometimes I can still go lay on the bed then, so that body would rest a little bit, even when brains are not going to, but usually it's impossible to relax your body either. You can for a second if really concentrating on it, but ten seconds after you realize you are being in some kind of very weird position after all. For example not keeping your head on the pillow, but keeping it up in the air, because it feels more natural..

When we started to sleep several hours without waking up at all on January, it was not only positive feeling at first. We were so used to having all the hours of day, and suddenly they started just disappearing mystically when we slept. Buff, five or six hours gone. We were happy to sleep, but it felt so weird time can be erased like that from our life, and we didn't see it going.