Questions on working together/being alive

Good luck with the intake.

******trigger warning we are feeling extra cynical and morbid right now ******

I think love shapes so much of who we are not just our morality. To a child your caregivers are your world and its more true the younger you are. And children are so impressionable and there development is easily impacted by things like having a healthy loving caring relationship with there caregivers. And when that's missing it impacts the way you relate to the world and what's in it. For us that means we see everything in terms of danger and threat because we never know where harm would happen so we are constantly watching and looking. But Ozalces who grew up feeling loved and cared for sees the world in terms of safety he is able to relax and enjoy his life in ways we can't. Where I decided years ago I would rather die or kill to make sure I never suffer what happened to me in the past and am content with that conviction Ozalces I don't think would ever be able to raise a hand in self defence. So not only gas my morality been tainted by the lack of unconditional healthy love in my childhood but so has my whole world outlook.

P.S. The conviction was born from a belief that our whole system has that some things are worse then death and we don't want to live in hell again so we chose death and we don't care who's.

P.P.S edited because I figured maybe I should add a trigger warning

Hey NyxX,

I think I've been avoiding thinking about exactly what you wrote about, but I'm really glad that you did because at least I know now that it's something that I'm just not dealing with. It's one thing to know that these kind of things happen in the world, but to us? I have no idea how to accept the reality that I wasn't loved the way I thought I was. There is so much information and knowledge about DID floating around in our consciousness now, and so much we have learnt from here too, but having the strength to apply those things to ourselves, our experience, our history, and accept the impacts that it has had on every facet of our development... I worry sometimes that it is just beyond me.

You're really helping me to be able to think more carefully about the experiences of the others in here before I go making assessments or decisions, or even allowing myself to think I know anything about them at all. I guess the truth is maybe I don't. I'm understanding more now the difference between parts who are able to function happily in life and those that are controlled by terror and anxiety, and how much that has to do with things like their perspective on the world and their concept of themselves.

I'm sorry that you guys have lived in hell. I see comments from your system all the time and I'm struck by how you're able to connect with what people are going through and offer them insights from your experience; I can't imagine the strength, determination and cooperation that has been required of you all to come from such a dark place and get to here. Thanks for taking the time to help me out with this and for being so honest.

It's part of my process of gaining those insights. This thread for example I hadn't considered if the lack of a healthy loving relationship as a child had an effect on my morality until you spoke about it. So then I thought about it and realised yes and not just my morality but how I view the world and interact with it. So half the time at least I respond with things I've only just considered and realised and hope that it causes other bodied people to consider and write about things and my process can continue.

Also I think that things being so objectively bad for me made things easier then for some people for whom things were more gray or subtlety bad. Because we can clearly draw a line this was wrong this was unacceptable we will never be like that. Even as a young child we were clear we would never be like him and you can see that in things like our attitude towards addiction. So I read about many systems that have internalised traits of the abusive people around them when they were growing up but we internalised a rejection of the behaviour he displayed. Which may one day come back to bite me because I realise it may mean I have suppressed traits I view as unacceptable. But for right now it seems to be working for us.