Toileting issues with littles

Anyone else experience littles who have toileting issues when they are fronting? I've not seen much about it and I'm baffled. One little constantly feels like she has to pee. Another continually holds it and is scared to go by herself, and has wet the bed on more than one occasion. And no, we don't have a UTI that I'm aware of. When others are fronting everything is normal. We do have toileting issues as part of our abuse history. What baffles me is that we have an adult body with an adult bladder. How is this happening? Anyone have anything similar or heard of this?

I have something similar.

When I started to know things about DID, I learned all the symptoms that can come with it. Teenage boy inside me, whose "job" is to feel all the bad feelings then .. well I don't know what exactly happened, but anyway, now he has DID. Not the same DID I do, so it's not because he is part of our system, but he has his own DID, and a lot of dissociation issues, different kind. Toilet problems are one of the issues, and in his system it's the littles who have the issue.

I don't remember having toilet issues as a child.. well I did some.. I didn't want to wipe, and I was scared of our toilet, because big spiders lived in there and I needed to keep eye on them.. but that is all.

Now that I am trying to get in contact with my parts, I have started to have issues with peeing. I constantly feel like going, but when I'm sitting on the toilet, I somehow can't remember how to pee. I think this comes from the "inside system" of that teen boy's, because it is symptom he has had in the inner world, but we have never before in our actual body. But now it's an everyday thing.

I can pee eventually, it just takes a lot of time. Only little amounts comes out at once, and we can just keep on trying and get the next little amount out and it takes for a long time to actually get the bladder empty.

I don't know what to do with it, I have just accepted these kind of problems can come because I am pulling parts near the body. It's annoying tho, especially when it happens at work.

We sometimes have problems like that. It has something to do with a subsystem we have and when it gets triggered.
when some of them are fronting there also happen accidents at daytime. Luckily it never happend in public. we aren't co-conscious with them so we haven't found a soloution yet.
We tried looking into it. some of our littles don't want to feel "down there". some are terrified of the toilet and try to hold it in as long as they can. and some are trained to not feel anything that is going on in the body at all.
at night it has (for our littles) something to do with nightmares-flashbacks-being stuck in those.

We also wonder a lot about it when it happens because of the same reasons you do: we have an adult body...
we never had this problem during our childhood or teen years. we were dry early - according to our parents. it first happend during a very stressfull time when we were becoming aware of our dissociative problems in our early twenties.
we did put something under the bed sheets that makes the matress stay dry and that makes it easier to deal with it when it happens.
eventhough it happend only 4 times in 6 years it makes us still worry so much that it will happen again that we are always frightned at bedtime.

Ugh...it always makes us feel very ashamed to even think about it.
we once tried talking to our (old) T about it - she told us that it isn't uncommon even for singletons (with PTSD and without) to have problems with that at night during stressfull times. but nobody really talks about it.
we have new (very nice) T and we are too ashamed to talk to her about it for now.
but that also means there is a strict no-no for those littles to ever frond during therapy sessions even though they'd also need help.

sorry that I don't have a solution for you. sorry you are having problems with this.

Sunflower has only had direct communication with 4 y/o Lou twice. First was a “sorry” when she didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. The second involved finding poop on the floor in the living room from one of the bio-kids we were potty training and asking who’s poop it was. Lou said, “Not mine.”

I say this not to embarrass them. I think it helped Sunflower realize that this is real.

I will say, Sunflower and I are just as perplexed as to why this happens as as the rest of you.

Not everyone with DID has these issues but many do. So, situation normal. Here I think talking through and the power of suggestion is your #1 intervention. Suggestions such as the little can call an adult inside to come out and help. The little can "step back" and let the body do what it knows how to do. Et cetera.

Age-appropriate verbal orientation and reassurance helps too. Say in clear and direct words that whatever used to happen before, is over. That was then and now is different. Now is safe. Now there will be no more punishment, abuse, or shaming for toileting accidents.

Wow, it helps so much to read these responses. Thanks everyone. SolanaceousClub, I understand about not wanting to let the littles front because of embarrassment about this. We were in the hospital a few months ago and had a really difficult time with the bathrooms there because the doors aren't full doors and don't lock. Plus can't close the main bedroom doors. So I (I'm sure influenced by littles) started holding it and only trying to go when we went to the cafeteria where there was a locking door on the bathroom. Which wasn't that great when combined with an exaggerated startle response that happens to us in the hospital setting.

The worst thing that happened was the little who wets the bed came to the front during the middle of the night to color some pictures and went back to sleep and wet the bed. She woke up still in the front and refused to let anyone come into the room or help her except our (male) psychiatrist (who we've been seeing for a long time and have a great relationship with...but still!) When I finally came to the front later I was just wishing for the ground to open up and swallow me. For what it's worth, both my psychiatrist and therapist don't think there's much unusual or weird about it and my psychiatrist tried to explain why he thinks having an adult body doesn't matter in this situation. It's about the little's relationship to the body and the messaging between body and brain or something. He said a lot more technical stuff but I was probably too embarrassed to take it all in. It's hard to talk about it but feels necessary to us as we have lots and lots of history/issues around toileting and trauma in the bathroom and it's part of our healing, I think. Still I'd be super OK if this stopped being a thing.

This happened again over the weekend and I knew the little wanted to talk to the doctor about it at our appointment this week so I tried to block her from talking but the p-doc doesn't like that - he thinks everyone should have equal access when appropriate. So she fronted and sure enough, first thing she said was "I wet the bed again and C. was so mad! She yelled!" and basically tattled on me for getting upset. Ha. Oy. I too now have a mattress protector...but as luck would have it, I didn't have it on the bed this last weekend because I'd been doing some laundry and stuff.

Anyway, I really appreciate all the brave people sharing here. And Una, thanks, as always, for normalizing things and for your suggestions. I'm interested in trying some of this. If anyone else has more to add, I'd welcome it. Thanks

I think the your psychiatrist is right about it being to do with the connection to the body. Our littles don't have enough any issues with this specially. But all of us have a poor relationship and connection to the body. We often hold ourselves until we are desperate. Not deliberately but because we just don't notice the body's need and then when we do it's difficult not to have an accident and have a few times. Not badly enough that other bodied people would find it obvious but enough that we have felt humiliated and like felt like everyone must realise. We wear incontinence pads all the time now because I'm paranoid about it happening again.

Menagerie wrote:first thing she said was "I wet the bed again and C. was so mad! She yelled!" and basically tattled on me for getting upset. Ha. Oy.

Gently, are you repeating a dysfunction of your FOO? Anything less than perfect is not acceptable and must be concealed or suppressed? Was there a fantasy that a problem exists only if talked about and "silence is golden"?

Una+ wrote:

Menagerie wrote:first thing she said was "I wet the bed again and C. was so mad! She yelled!" and basically tattled on me for getting upset. Ha. Oy.

Gently, are you repeating a dysfunction of your FOO? Anything less than perfect is not acceptable and must be concealed or suppressed? Was there a fantasy that a problem exists only if talked about and "silence is golden"?

I'm sure I am. And yes, we had to be perfect to outsiders. My parents were both in high leadership roles. Appearances were everything.

it feels good to not feel alone with this. thank's Una+, Nyx and Menagerie for normalizing it a bit for me/talking about it.

I've tried and still try what Una suggested. I hope it'll sink in some time

Menagerie, the toilet stall situation during your hospital stay would've been extremly difficult for us as well - I am sorry that this hospital stay of yours was triggering in that way, when it should've been nice and relaxing and comfortable for you in order to get better.
we also have a lot of trauma surrounding those places...toilets and also hospitals - we couldn't stay over night in a hospital

I am very happy you have a good psychiatrist whom you can trust. It is so good that you were able to ask for him and that he could help you.
I think you are doing good work in talking to him and let yourselves learn the stuff he's telling you.

Menagerie wrote:

Una+ wrote:

Menagerie wrote:first thing she said was "I wet the bed again and C. was so mad! She yelled!" and basically tattled on me for getting upset. Ha. Oy.

Gently, are you repeating a dysfunction of your FOO? Anything less than perfect is not acceptable and must be concealed or suppressed? Was there a fantasy that a problem exists only if talked about and "silence is golden"?

I'm sure I am. And yes, we had to be perfect to outsiders. My parents were both in high leadership roles. Appearances were everything.

this hits home with me a lot...eureka ...we are always like that: "it only exists if we acknowledge it/talk about it - if we stay silent there will be no problem"...about everything.
recently I've been trying to describe this to our T - when I enter her office (and also every other situation where we have to be the functioning aduld like at work, meeting friends etc) I leave my problems at the door...just outside...there for me to wait until I step out of the office again.
I only take problems with me that are "light" and "solveable" because I fear being seen as "a problem, a lost cause, a weirdo/freak, emotional wreck, incapable, childish, a waste of time etc."
While I totally know my T would never think those things about us...