A question about the voices

Hey i'm writing this because i honestly just need some outside opinions right now or some advice just anything that can help me.

Before we start i haven't seen a doctor about this nor spoke to a therapist, there is 2 friends that know to a extent about this. Keep in mind as well i haven't gone out much in the last 5 years like at all.

So to start i remember little if anything at all before 13-14 years old ( i'm 20 ) even know there are months missing from my memory. I just found out very recently ( 5 days ago ) that talking to " voices " in my head is not a normal thing ( my voices are not actual voices there like thoughts that someone else is thinking and i just hear the thoughts if that makes any sense ). part of me loves a guy who i have been with for 2 or 3 years i'm not to sure how long we have been a thing ( we are a online relationship ). The part that loves him is like female but i am a male ( male sex ) i feel like my body is 50% male 50% female its like it changes, i didn't think anything off this but my voice also changes ??? i found that out like 2 days ago. I thought i was just depressed and lost before like i didn't know if i was trans or not but right now i like my body its amazing other times i am cutting myself because i hate the way i look because i was born in the wrong body. i am aware off what my body is doing ( done ) but its like its not me controlling it at all. I found out yesterday from my " boyfriend " that he has like 30 nudes of me or something yet i don't remember this at all even when showed. Its like i wanna just break down and cry. I have been blasting music in my ears 10 hours a day for the last few years and when i'm not listening to music i'm always talking to someone. Just to stop these thoughts. I originally thought it was ADHD because i always pictured my mind as a bees nest. But now i see other patterns its completely different to adhd. I am often called out as well because i will say one opinion and then in the same conversation have a completely different opinion but i always put that down to my mind being like a bees nest. I often get shown messages saying stuff i don't even remember saying. i'm just really scared and really could do with some help/advice. Its really worrying thinking i have literal nudes i don't even know about floating around. Its worrying thinking these big conversations i have with myself in the shower 40 min long are not normal ( the shower is one of my only safe places, live in a bad environment ). When i speak to my parents/people i don't know i'm a actor its like i'm watching my body move itself and talk on its own. There have been times where i thought i was a actor/liar/manipulator because off this. But then i thought most off the time i never lie and have control to a extent over me. its like i am fighting for control with this female version off me 24/7 its horrible trying to shut it out over and over knowing it never works.

There is so much more stuff i could write its just super upsetting. thanks in advance for the help i really really appreciate it.

Hi, welcome to the forum I'm sorry I didn't see your post until today I'm not sure when it was approved but I think it might have been bumped off the first page to quickly. Violarules has been in hospital so I think he hasn't been able to log on as frequently.

We don't 'hear' each other when we talk to each other it's more like feeling the words for us. Communication is different for every system and there is no right or wrong way it should be.

I would recommend looking for a good that that is familiar with DID and also trying to communicate with your parts. As you have described being aware of there thoughts try thinking back.

Thanks for the reply.

Hi,

Yeah. You need to good therapist. Voices don't equal crazy but you don't want things to get away from you.

Colin

I'm glad you're writing here and hope you come back. It's super important to figure out that what's normal for us is different because of the DID. Not crazy. Just different. Good therapists really help (but are also really scary at first).

Good luck.

Iain