First therapy session....ends in disaster. *TW*

Juicypotatoes wrote:I have ____ as a job I cannot have this on my record!!!

You are in the USA, yes? Are you sure about that? Many, many people in all kinds of sensitive jobs have mental health problems. But you wouldn't know it because they are high functioning. In many cases they are high functioning because they are receiving professional mental health care. That's one of the little secrets of their professional success.

Has anyone explained to you about the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA)? Under ADA if you have a mental health problem that causes dysfunction then it is to your advantage to get a diagnosis and report the diagnosis to your employer. Only the diagnosis, nothing else, unless you request accommodations. And it is even more to your advantage to get treatment. These steps give you legal protections, especially of your employment.

Does your job require a national security clearance? If so, your getting a diagnosis and a treatment plan you can agree with and sticking to it demonstrates responsible behavior on your part and is a favorable finding. Plus, it is good self care. If an untreated mental health problem causes any kind of dysfunction, that dysfunction is likely to be discovered in the background investigation. So, again, professional diagnosis and treatment to resolve the dysfunction is the way to go.

it seems to me like L is a little caught in her worst case scenario based on our own experience with a crappy clinic. And Una trusting that they can totally help.
I would wait to see if they know $#%^ about what they are doing. If they just want to call you crazy for hearing voices it's best to get the hell out of there. But maybe they do have something helpful to offer. the whole baby and bathwater thing. Now that you are there you can just as well see what they offer. more therapy than you thought you would get...

I am not trusting. Far from it. I just have been in situations where fighting against what is going to happen anyway is not productive. Situations such as, um, childbirth. Childbirth is very unpleasant but at the point when a woman is in labor, which is when most of us least want to be pregnant, fighting against it tends to make it a lot worse. Childbirth these days often involves a hospital, and believe me many pregnant woman are not at all sure they are in good hands, but generally it is safer than white knuckling it on your own at home.

How will you know if someone is "competent"? Not by fighting with them, that's for sure.

Thank you both for your posts.

I understand the reason for being hospitalized Una, and how those statements are harmful to sole. I don’t want to feel that way and I think I meant it more in the way that I could continue doing what I’ve been doing without attempting suicide so the hold I feel was unnecessary. I did not present an imminent case for harm to myself or others so I feel it was not necessary.

I believe the person who ordered it was as birdsong said incompetent. On my file I saw that I was admitted for severe auditory hallucinations and an intent to commit suicide with an elaborate plan and access to materials.

At no time during my time did I say I was planning or trying to kill myself.

I understand that the suicidal part may have been reaching out in a different way. We will try to seek help in a different manner. She is quiet now. We are rallying. Thank you for showing concern for her.

I was doing a lot of research while waiting for placement (took 15 hours to find placement) the woman who issued the hold is actually a social worker and was not a licensed therapist. She has limited education in psychology/psychiatry/mental health counseling. During my intake she left three times to get “a second opinion” at no time did other doctors speak to me besides the psychiatrist who prescribed me a sleep aid.


This hospitalization is traumatic for me in a few different ways. Yes I haven’t sought help for 17 years. And why not ? I have ups and downs, I feel I should/can deal with it on my own and I also don’t trust that healthcare knows what they are doing as I’ve heard so many stories. My friends encouraged me to go so I finally did even tho I had major reservations as I find it hard to trust.

Also, I really value freedom. I have issues with feeling trapped. I do not wish to say more on this topic. But I have trauma in this area. Being hospitalized and having “your rights denied” I was powerless and could do nothing. In addition I was warned any questioning them could aggravate my situation and to be really careful about what I said what I did. Best thing was to lay there and sleep if I couldn’t sleep pretend. This aggravated the trauma I was experiencing and yet I had to pretend that I was calm and everything was completely fine.

I do not have good feelings towards therapy now, I do not have good feelings towards hospitals. I have now a huge mistrust of this institution. They did not try to help me. They labeled me as “crazy” and kept asking about hearing voices while I was at the ER waiting for placement.


Had it not been for an experienced professional in my psych facility when I was placed I would have been held for longer She said your file made it look like you had been hospitalized before but you haven’t ? I said never. That was my first time seeing a psych. She said hm. she shook her head often as she read the initial report and recommended I go home after the first evaluation. She left at 3 unfortunately and she said she left instructions for me to be released at 3:30 I was not released until 5. They dragged this process out at every turn. They told me to wait a certain amount of time to placate me and it was never the correct amount of time. (Ie the dr will be here in 1 hour actually 3 hours. We’re just waiting for your test result labs to come back when in actuality they had come back 4 hours ago etc etc)

I understand why holds are done. But I think in my case it was done wrongly. It was my very first time ever going to a therapist. Ever.

Thank you again for your replies and your support it was really nice to come on here and read your replies.

We are going home. We are free.

Una+ wrote:

Juicypotatoes wrote:I’ve had depression for 17 years I feel like I can go another 17 years

What a horrible thought! Why would you even think of doing that to yourself? Isn't 17 years already more than enough?

Reading your posts, I think the hold is appropriate. You can spend the 3 days fighting or you can get with the program and see what develops. What do you have to lose? A lot of posters here do report that for them hospitalization was a turning point toward wellness.

Now that your suicidal part is acknowledged, why not talk openly about her? Why not let her talk? You mention you can hear her; that means you can repeat what she says to the therapists, which is brilliant. I bet if she tries she can hear the therapist herself. And her talking through you will give them a chance to help you all. Or if you can't tolerate her stuff, you can go inside and not listen and just let her talk to the therapist directly. That's what this kind of hospital is good for! They know about suicide and they know that inside you is a suicidal patient, and they provide a safe place for a suicidal patient to come out. Don't you want help? Don't you deserve help?

Something you wrote earlier is giving me some acute emotional pain:

Juicypotatoes wrote:She’ll be like I want to die and we’ll be like omggggg we knowwww chilllll. Haha.

Ouch! I want to give her a safe, warm, wonderful hug and tell her: I hear you and I am so sorry you want to die. You are not all alone. I know how that feels and it is awful. Of course you don't want to feel that way, of course it is intolerable and you don't know how to make it stop except by dying, but dying is not the only way out. Try to let the hospital staff help you find the way out to a wonderful life without depression.

You can do this.

I don't even really need to address much of what you said because I agree with what Una+ said.

I think ignoring your suicide part and saying "omg we know, chill," is destructive for you personally as well as your system as a whole. You can't heal if you're not willing to let her heal. Aren't you tired of the emotional turmoil of depression and suicidal thoughts? She (the suicidal part)... you can't underestimate her. Sure, for NOW your protector part can protect you from the suicidal part...but ignored and left alone for long enough, you never know how desperate she will get, or how for one split second the protector may be protecting from something else and Suicidal could slip past Protector.

In my opinion, a talk with Protector should happen, and Protector should understand that getting help for Suicidal IS protecting you all.

Wishing you the best.
Kitten