Memories

Hello, I have a question for you all pertaining to memories.

I know my childhood was abusive, but to what extent, I don’t know. I can recall specific fragments (reading with my feet on the heater, trying to spell words behind the couch etc) but at what age, in what house are all a mystery. I can remember some violent acts, but there are no feelings associated with these memories and again age and location is blurred.

Is this common?

Also, I do not remember dreams. Maybe a few times a year I will remember one. Is this anything anyone has experienced ?

I have a hard time recalling things I did last week/conversations. It’s like trying to swim through jell-o.

I’m in the stage of just trying to figure everything out. I had a traumatic flashback in which I became aware of others so I’m just......idk really tbh.

It’s hard to try to figure things out when I just can’t remember anything.
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Edit:

I just met with a friend who I picked up from the hospital and she had sent a picture of us to her aunt. Her aunt responded tell her (me) I was the lady in the elevator who we were trying to figure out what floor to get out on!

I have no recollection of this occurring. I don’t recall going into the building. I thought I had stayed in the car the entire time. I have no recollection of her aunt.

Has things like this occurred with any of you?
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An aside: I feel as though I should see a therapist but part of me is scared and does not think this is a good idea so I have yet to call one.....

Yes to pretty much all of your experiences. Don't put to much pressure on yourself to see a T its important to feel ready and before you do see one check they have relevant experience. Seeing the wrong T can end up making things worse.

For childhood memories are all fragmented some I can pick bits together like one where we are on holiday I'm on the bed then on the floor in the corner of the room with no knowledge of the intervening time. Also frequent similar traumatic events kinda just run together in my head so when I remember them all at once and things like my age and location become confused because there are so many answers.

Not feeling emotions is a dissociative symptom possibly experienced during the memory or when you are recalling them. Dissociation is a normal healthy response your brain has to protect you from being overwhelmed and can manifest in different ways it becomes problematic when your default behaviors are dissociative.

It is common to have amnesia or disordered memories following trauma and it is common to experience dissociation as a result of trauma.

I never remember my dreams. I do however wake up having panic attacks so I assume I have nightmares.

Sometimesi remember things really clearly. I tend to forget little details all the time like what did I just do/say but might remember who I was talking or something like that and other times I'll just forget everything. Poor memory can be dissociative but can also be caused by a number of other things. If you have alters or parts (I think that's what you mean by others) poor memory is really common.

The example you used while I haven't had something quite like that I do seem to have a lot of conversations that go you remember when......... And the answer being 'I know not of what you speak' (I don't know why but that's the response I usually use.

A lot of people fing keeping a journal useful and updating it regularly even if it's just a simple made dinner at X time. It can help you to see if you are losing time. Also there is a thread about using a bullet journal to keep track of things. I started one recently to help me remember to do the things I need to do.

All of that is exaclty what I struggle with! You are not alone. The least would be traumatic flash backs but I've had some of them under the influence of drugs as otherwise I have next to zero recollection of my entire childhood (I got bullied but is thsre something more serious? I can't say at all what really went down). My conversation amensia is scary high (I use the joke I could tell someone my banking info and I wouldnt even remember/know it if I were to suddenly lose a lot og money- in general I don't keep track of transactions simply just pay a hefty credit bill). In fact I actually have decent memory of things I did last week and what not (might need a slight trigger to seperate a tuesday from a wednsday etc.) but for the life me of I can usually not tell you what or even who I talked to (I believe I have posts on this myself and the irony is I rarely recall stuff I post here and do not like to look back so I couldn't tell you for sure).

I have the exact same issue with dreaning as well, and this has been going on way before Pot became my best friend and the biggest addiction and worsr nightmare (not sure if you use pot or drugs but as an aside it is really bad in my case I am incapable of quitting)