some wounds never heal

ever had a wound that never fully healed? for the most part you can get a lot of wounds to heal up quite nice, leaving nothing but a scar, and soon you forget where it came from. but what about those that never heal? the ones that dont just leave scars, but lasting memories/nightmares?

its been a few months since it last got to me and it happened again today. maybe its all this talk of baseball bats reminding me of the pain eh bates? well it was middle school, and the kids were beating me as usual. chased me down through the canyon on my way home from school and managed to catch me by throwing a heavy rock that hit me from behind, but thats not what left the serious injury. once they finally got to me they did their usual punching routine, nothing but the 5 of us and a wide open canyon where screams echoed but their sources untracable. holding me from behind by locking my arms back and just hitting wherever they felt. then one of them got out the bat, an aluminum baseball bat. went at my legs at first, i guess he was afraid he'd hurt me too much? dont understand these ###$ up kid's logic. then in the frenzy of it all one of them grabbed the bat, and swung at my chest, the result was a cracking noise, the kid holding me dropped me and jumped back afraid at how badly they hurt me cause of the crack. lying there i started to cough up blood and all i could think of was the burning in my chest, it felt like someone parked an elephant on there and just left it sitting on me. couldnt breath, couldnt move, all i could do was gag on my blood while they ran away and left me there, a mile to the nearest home.

it was by far one of the worst days of my life, lying there for several hours just trying to be able to bring myself to stand and finally when i could, walking wasnt possible. every 3 steps i would have to breathe and it felt like someone had an iron gauntlet laid with chains/spikes and was grinding it into my heart with each breath. i couldnt go home, no one there, i finally made it to the street after hours of trying to climb the rock wall of the canyon...and i thought the initial blow hurt, the mile + long walk i had was the worst. i remember the street and then asphalt in my face. the next memory after that was in the emergency room and it was late at night. x rays of my cracked rib, parents out of town for a few days, my little sis came to cheer me up, gave me flowers and primarially took care of me. the docs had me on rest for a while and a lot of pain killers that didnt work worth $#%^.

the best is yet to come, guess what happened to those 4 kids who did this to me? they all claimed that after school i jumped out of the rocks and started throwing large rocks at them, and then one of them heroically threw his baseball bat at me which spun around in the air then hit me in the chest, then they all ran away....everyone beleived their story and not mine, even though i was bruised all over and i've never shown any hostility towards anyone my whole life.


once every so often i get a burning in my chest, i feel the soreness in the rib, im all healed up now and fit as a fiddle. but the pain is still there. the memories are crisper than i could ever imagine. i think tonights pain was half triggered by the talk of aluminum baseball bats and the sounds they make on people.

That pisses me off, how could they believe those savages? They had no marks, and you were obviously beaten. What the ###$. Now I'm pissed. How you haven't paid those scumbags back by now is beyond me. And even so, it doesn't change the fact, they cracked your ######6 ribs. And then some people wonder just WHY I wanna burn everything to the ######6 ground. Those rotten maggots wouldn't last one day in the post-apocalypse. They're too dependent on football and their popularity.

that's weird Bates, I often think of things in a post-apocalyptic sense.. especially when it comes to humans who are too caught up in the petty, socialite world. They wouldn't last an instant, you're absolutely correct... In fact, for msot people like this if their lives were changed drastically (say that aliens existed or their fundamental beliefs challenged) they would not be able to cope at all!

I don't like thinking about bullies. They should just die, or be made to feel incredible pain. I know that people say a lot of bullies do what they do because they are suffering, but ###$ that, they should try being a victim before they sympathise with a bully!
That's just horrible what they did...
I never had any 'beating up' kind of physical harrassment, only other kinds... and sometimes I get the burning too... okay I'm not going to dwell on it because I'm going to be having a good day today, so I guess all I can say is... You must have a good day as well, John and Jack! You must get past those bastards, become better than them, because we're all here and it will NEVER happen again to you!
(((((hugs to you)))))

Harri

Harri wrote:that's weird Bates, I often think of things in a post-apocalyptic sense.. especially when it comes to humans who are too caught up in the petty, socialite world. They wouldn't last an instant, you're absolutely correct... In fact, for msot people like this if their lives were changed drastically (say that aliens existed or their fundamental beliefs challenged) they would not be able to cope at all!



Harri

Great punks think alike :mgreen:

I'm sorry for what you went through.

diamond

John21,

Being beaten is trauma, You survived. They did their best to knock the life out of you and you lived. Being hit in the torso is dangerous. Just reading what you shared, triggers my own similar experience. I can relate.

They ruptured my spleen. They kids did the same thing as your experince deny deny deny. They never seemed scared that they almost killed me. At the time, it was just another "bad" thing in my life.

I am glad you made it home, and got help. I am glad we both made it.



peace.
red

i wont die till my job here is done

John21 wrote:i wont die till my job here is done

I agree completely. Even though I got mad and asked why didn't I die so peacfully as to bleed out interally, it did not hurt.
so I would not have to had all the abuse, the answer came that, (this is going to sound strange but it is the truth)

The answer that came was I was to help make others ready.
I have walked through fire, pain, neglect, abandoment, rape, incest. The whole time my family deserted me as a child, my kid sister too. (step-father incest) not my blood father.

That is my job, damn it has been hard, not done yet by a long shot. But I wont give up. I lost my dad last fall, We had come to having the perfect father-daughter relationship I am glad I got to see how all that hard work helped me when he died. There was nothing unsaid.
Sorry if I went off topic. forgive the ramble.

peace.
red

ty for the comments red. i understand where you are coming from for the mostpart. as far as to why im still here after all i've suffered through? knock me down and ill stand up time and time again. nothings going to stop me

Hi John,
I can't read this post right now, it is very triggering and I cannot get through it.
I hope you are ok, I wish I knew what was going on but I just can't finish reading it right now.

Hope you are ok.
~Amber