very confused... schitzoprenic?? or have i been diagnosed wr

i posted this in a schtizo forum with no replies.... ive found the other schiitzoprenic girls in hospital dont like me at all and suprise suprise the onlyine ones dont like me either so yaya!!!! but im so confused but this is what i asked / said

Meowmeowmeow

7m

does anyone ever become one of their voices… well all of them at some point…?
im havin lotta issues right now i guess lol
but im wondering the accuracy of my diagnosis (of 4 years) of schizophrenia…

ive pondered the validity of DID aka multiple personality disorder… which i know its a real thing but i have one voic that always pops out my mouth or in my head when its brought up [and its always brought up] that always says theres no such thing…

and the voices i hear ARE outside my head, but then sometimes i hear them inside my head…
but they arent my thoughts or my internal voice they are different voices… but inside my head that i cant controll.

and they dont come one at a time they talk over top of each other constantly. or they yalk to each other oblivous to what im doing at the time.

i us we i am i us we

i hear that so many times a day it drives me crazy i dont know why maybe its me having delusions.

and idk if it is a part of schitzoprenia but i have terribe trouble with regression and being a different person… but i swear i always know who i am and what i do and according to the did info that means i cant be did. . right?

arent my voices saposed to be mean to me?
I mean i have been scolded but its more like

why dont hou listen, let me do it, i can do it, let me try, shut up, ill show you, let me do it, we tried to help, but in different voices of me at different ages and not in a theaf way more of a memememe let me way.

and when i have relly bad freak out or stress or a seizure they all talk and they all come out of my mouth.

and i growl and i hiss and i whine and i have different vocal tones and i cant stop it from happinig…

and im scared to say anything because i dont want them to send me to mental hospital got delusions.

i had that hapen once cuz i lost controll of myself to layla (cuz some of them have names so dont think im weird plz) and she rode around in my body for a few days and told everyobe i was a psycopath and i ended up in hospital

where she proceded to tell the dr. i was a psychopath and that i had had noo feelings ect… to which i nodded my head in agreement cuz at the time i felt that was true cuz i felt what she felt ut i wasnt me i was she???

to which the proceded to laugh n say delusional…

what cab i do…?
ive heard my husband talk to my family hushush about the possibility of did but it would seem they dont want to say anything over fear of me losing my disability…

and i need it vuz i cannot work cuz i cant controll the person ima be when i wake up. x.x

i only ended up with schitzoprenia diagnosis cuz the only one of me thats allowed to talk to the drs is kinda like the protector lady and she only tells them what they want to hear or the one who doesnt know that we are us we i am us we me.

what do i do???
i cant escape from my brain, but then again its not to bad… but then again i get scared cuz sometimes there is one of me that is very bad and i dont know what she knows but i know its not good…

i think im just delusional lol all that sounded stupid im sorry.

and another thing antipsycotics dont work they just make it worse, only reason i grt out of hospital is cuz i go into that one version of me that knows how to tell them what they want to hear.

and if i could just get us we me to work together instead of figting over who grts to do what ect… i dont think i would need pills except for the occasional sleeping pill or a klonopin…

somebody help me

i keep says things i dont understand.?

somebody help me?

created

7m

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2m

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Meowmeowmeow

2m

and also yes im sober cuz i know i sound batshite x.x im not even on my pills either so its just me my brain and i goin on about wot ever at 1am yay.

Meowmeowmeow

1m

and also see what hapens? i just wanted to ask a simple question and then fifty million other thoguhts come out thats not even belonging to the original question.

its friggen miserable x.x

This sounds very difficult with so much going on and not really knowing if your diagnosis is accurate.
Read posts here to see if you relate to them and perhaps journal.

Do you have a therapist you can build a relationship with to sort out your voices? feelings and thoughts ?
This may be the most helpful thing you can do and will help determine if schizophrenia or DID is the reason you have voices. It takes time and a good therapist to get an accurate diagnosis .

Hang in there.

"does anyone ever become one of their voices"

Wow. Nice how you've put that in words; sometimes I have the feeling I become one of the alters (I don't hear their voices, I 'just' have many thoughts about the same subject, often, and some feel like 'mine', some don't, and sometimes I don't know who's thoughts they are), and sometimes I am co-present with them while they're 'taking over'.

I don't think you're weird, and I'm sorry you feel so miserable. Do you have a T now? If so, what kind? If not, I'd find one, print this out and show them. I think you've explained very well what's going on in your head!

This, with all due respect, is artistic, I think;

"i us we i am i us we"

How about seeing that as thoughts of (an) artist(s) in stead of something frightening, and writing it all down to also maybe clear your head a little?

Kind regards

meowmeowmeow wrote: i swear i always know who i am and what i do and according to the did info that means i cant be did. . right?

Alters or parts can be co-conscious or co-present. That being said I don't know if your diagnosis is right or not.

Many people do get misdiagnosed often because of a lack of understanding about whats going on. From what you posted it sounds like you have been unable to open up about what's happening with you so it would probably be good to work on building a trusting relationship with a T for you to do that. If that's something you feel can't happen you might need to accept the possibility of not being correctly diagnosed which I hope wouldn't be the case.

Also it would probably be a good idea to get a better understanding of both conditions doing so should help you understand which you feel is most accurate and if and when you feel safe and able to open up to a T about what's happening you will have the vocabulary and tools you need to express yourself clearly.

-- Thu May 03, 2018 2:31 pm --

meowmeowmeow wrote: i swear i always know who i am and what i do and according to the did info that means i cant be did. . right?

Alters or parts can be co-conscious or co-present. That being said I don't know if your diagnosis is right or not.

Many people do get misdiagnosed often because of a lack of understanding about whats going on. From what you posted it sounds like you have been unable to open up about what's happening with you so it would probably be good to work on building a trusting relationship with a T for you to do that. If that's something you feel can't happen you might need to accept the possibility of not being correctly diagnosed which I hope wouldn't be the case.

Also it would probably be a good idea to get a better understanding of both conditions doing so should help you understand which you feel is most accurate and if and when you feel safe and able to open up to a T about what's happening you will have the vocabulary and tools you need to express yourself clearly.

Why did my post go strange?

"Do I have schizophrenia or do I have DID?!" That question is very important! And it is asked here so frequently that we have a thread all about it:

Differential diagnosis: DID vs schizophrenia

One thing i would really like to point out is that you can have both schizophrenia and DID. Early trauma and dissociation are extreme risk factors for schizophrenia and if you have a genetic risk factor for psychotic disorders then it is very possible to have DID and then develop schizophrenia later in life.

I mean, i have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and i also have dissociation (it was probably a mild case of DID before the integration started), and my psychiatrist has concluded that the dissociation is not a symptom of schizoaffective disorder. I definitely have schizoaffective disorder because even though im not a textbook example i fit the clinical picture very well and respond to antipsychotics.

Having schizophrenia does not mean that you could not have a serious trauma history or dissociation or even DID, it just means that you have schizophrenia. Most people with schizophrenia have some sort of trauma history and unfortunately rarely receive any proper treatment for it.

You should talk about these issues with your psychiatrist openly. In time you will probably get an accurate diagnosis, which could very well be DID, schizophrenia or both.

Dear MeowMeowMeow

I'm really sorry you are having these issues. I have much of the ones as far as many talking on top of each other and switching and blending as well.

I've had friends with Schizophrenia, and even though I have been previously diagnosed with "Schizoaffective Disorder" a few years back, it was retaliatory by my clinic and Dr because they feared being caught for "Mal-Practice" and they never once even suggested any meds. I don't research "Psychotic Disorders" at all because they don't fit me at all.

It's very possible to have DID and Schizophrenia as well. I had a group class with a gal who did. She was older and had been living with them most of her life so she had lots of experience under her belt as well as her PTSD too. She could separate the voices in her head from the external voices caused by her Schizophrenia.

The trouble is that even as late as the 80's even PTSD was mis-diagnosed as "Paranoid Schizophrenia" and I suspect still is at times. Sadly it seems far too common for the ones doing the Diagnoses aka "Experts", to be more concerned with their own reputations and Ego, than the accuracy of them. Mal-practice is always a big trigger for them as well and so are very closed minded about admitting that they know little to nothing about Trauma and Dissociative Disorders. They don't get any training or education on Trauma and Dissociation in school or on the job, and their Supervisors during their Internship are just as ignorant for the same reasons.

If you do have "DID" as well as Schizophrenia, then it gets very tricky and takes lots of good experience with a Psychiatrist who is very knowledgeable about DID and Schizophrenia to get the meds for Schizophrenia to dial it in just right. There are no Drugs for Trauma Disorders and most often make it worse and not better. So if one has both this is a very complicated mess.

meowmeowmeow wrote:
and when i have relly bad freak out or stress or a seizure they all talk and they all come out of my mouth.

and also yes im sober cuz i know i sound batshite x.x im not even on my pills either so its just me my brain and i goin on about wot ever at 1am yay.

Meowmeowmeow

1m

and also see what hapens? i just wanted to ask a simple question and then fifty million other thoguhts come out thats not even belonging to the original question.

its friggen miserable x.x

Don't feel bad about sounding "batshite crazy" I often feel the same way too especially reading what I just wrote in here!

You mentioned having "Seizures"? Have these been properly diagnosed as well? It is an important piece of the puzzle as I can tell you from having them as well. I finally got a proper diagnosis after over 2 years of having them and they either being ignored entirely, been accused of making them all up, or them being mis-diagnosed as "PTSD" *blinks*. They are as I had always suspected "Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizures" (PNES). Another term for them are "Dissociative Seizures".

Now add Seizures into your equation and it get's even more complicated and trickier.

I really feel for what you are going through MeowMeowMeow! I had a time very much like what you are going through now, a couple years ago and it certainly was Miserable across the board! Both internally as well as being abused by so many ignorant "Experts", like Psychiatrists, Psychologist< Trauma Therapists, etc. Like I said earlier they are much more concerned with their own Egos and Reputations or law suits than getting to the bottom of what's really going on. They don't know anything at all about Trauma and Dissociation and they hate looking like Idiots because it's Obvious that they "Should" know all of that, but don't.

Unless you can find anyone willing to help you find a Psychiatrist who has good experience (Mal-Practice for years is not the Experience you want!), you will likely continue to be frustrated and suffer like you are now. Statistically it takes 7 years to get a proper and accurate Diagnosis for DID for the reasons I just mentioned above.

If a person is "Mis-Diagnosed" or "Un-Diagnosed", any treatments will literally be "Mis-Treatment", and at best will be useless, but is more commonly making everything much worse.

Sorry if I seem very "Down", but it's our reality that we must try and work with.

My advice to you MeowMeowMeow, would be to try and find a Psychiatrist who has good experience with both Schizophrenia AND DID! It doesn't sound like your "psychiatrist is one of them, just by what you have said in this post. Drs have incredible amounts of power as we all well know, and can use that power very abusively if they fear being accused of any "Mis-Diagnoses" or "Mal-Practice". So please try and keep that in mind if or when you "Ask" any questions relating to this. Try to phrase it in a gentle manner, like "is it possible I may Also have a Dissociative Disorder? A simple screening test like the "Dissociative Experience Scale" (DES-II), is a quick and easy self report screening test you can do right now. "Schizophrenia" scores very low for Dissociation, unlike PTSD, Teenagers, and DID. The Screening test DES-II is just a indicator and NOT a Diagnostic Tool.

If you have a T or can make an appointment with your Psychiatrist, then I would ask (gently) how much experience they have with Dissociative Disorders and if they have any experience with DID or know of any colleagues that may have or know of any in your region? Depending on your location you may just get lucky there. But don't hold your breath.

On a somewhat side note, If you pose the question about your "Diagnoses" as it being an "Art", they feel much better and even seems to make them feel good about themselves and takes the fear out of the questioning of any Diagnoses. As an Artist as well as science minded as well, I can tell you that "Diagnostic" abilities are a Science and NOT and ART! When they ignore the logical and reasonable process that is critical for proper diagnosing, that's when they get very "Creative" and come up with very "Imaginative" results, which are not based upon anything logical.

I've found it goes much better and in the direction that I am aiming for (an accurate Diagnosis) if I pose the question like this...

"I fully understand that Diagnosing is an "ART" Form and is fluid over time, but is it Possible that there may be other things going on such as Dissociation that we may have missed perhaps?".

They tend to be much more relaxed and don't get triggered when a person poses it as a question and an art form and throw in some compliments to butter them up always helps too. When they are not defensive and you include them in the process (they typically have some sort of "God" complex), they usually have a more open mind to the very real possibility that they may have gotten something wrong or missed something critical.

Ask for a "Differential Diagnoses".

I have to do that very same thing today in a couple of hours with my own Therapist. We have built a healthier relationship so he knows it's about Me and not Him. I've been through the wringer since trying to get help for my Issues the past 5 years. It's been brutal and learned a bit of "Psychology" myself when having to deal with so many idiots. I have a decent T now which has been the first one in over 5 years. He is very humble and grounded and is well aware now that I am much more educated on Trauma related Disorders than he will likely ever be in his career.

I have to run to my T appointment now. But discussed so many of these very issues just now on the Phone with my ex who is almost complete with her Bachelor's degree in Psychology as well been through the wringer in mental health herself. She is really focusing on the Neurol-Science aspect of it. In short the standard process of which we all experience as far as "Diagnosing" and the horribly ignorance of those involved is very problematic for us. We have to advocate for ourselves as best we can while also trying not to "Question" their Supreme Authority.

Best wishes and hope this has been somewhat helpful.

Warmly
Lumpy

I have to admit that i know about being misdiagnosed too. The problem is that i only sought treatment once the psychosis hit and there was no other choice. This was because i did not want to get my parents in trouble as i was still underage, i thought that i could make it through the couple of months left until i would turn 18. Also a big problem was that becoming aware of the dissociation and self-treating it for nine months had made it lot less severe and the changes in identity states were no longer noticeable to outsiders. So when i came to the psych ward in psychosis they literally believed nothing i said. They said that i had had a bit too much stress and thats all! I tried to explain all the horrors i went through in my life and during the last nine months but they did not believe a word of it.

Once the psychosis went away they started to believe some of it but i think the psychiatrist still thought that i was just delusional. The psychologists findings on the other hand were inconclusive, she at least did not think that i was merely delusional but thought that it was possible that my most of my dissociative symptoms were psychotic in nature but then on the other hand she said that they could also be dissociative. One thing that struck me was that she repeatedly told me that i was "stuck in the past", and that i should just focus on the future. Even with a basic understanding of trauma you would understand that being "stuck in the past" is not a choice and trying to run away from the symptoms only make them worse.

So, then i spent around nine months as on outpatient and at that time i think they believed me and there was a lot of time spent trying to figure out the diagnosis. However, then i went into mania and again at a different psychiatric ward, the psychiatrist concluded after seeing me maybe four times that i was just delusional! She did not even say it to me openly, but she wrote in my medical records that i was just having psychotic symptoms and nothing else.

Then i got into a better outpatient setting and here they did not at first want to take any position on this issue. We just focused on the psychotic symptoms and after two years we finally figured out the correct medications and i went into pretty much full remission. Now that im in full remission and i still have the same dissociative symptoms they finally were ready to explore this subject and finally concluded that i indeed had dissociation.

So i still have the diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder because i fit the picture very well and respond to antipsychotics (or i mean those symptoms do, the dissociative ones wont) but i also have a diagnosis of dissociation. In my case i took "only" 3,5 years to get a diagnosis of dissociation, in many cases it takes over 15 years.

I have to admit that being diagnosed as "delusional" when you are not delusional and not getting any treatment for severe trauma is absolutely horrible. During those 3,5 years when i had no help with those symptoms and had no diagnosis for them i was suicidal pretty much all the time and did attempt take my own life.

This health care provider short-sightedness, seeing only the first thing that presents, is very common. Very few I've dealt with are competent diagnosticians. One way to work around it is to use a team, even if you have to make the team up yourself by getting your own consultations.