How do I distinguish thing?

Ok so my condition is real bad and there are 2 specific issues (amongst many others) that I often deal with.

1. often times things happen where I am unsure if I am just projecting my internal world to reality (what is reality even) or if things actually happened. Example, I was waiting for a bus in the station last night and it obviously says no smoking- suddenly a random person comes up to me and says something along these lines "it says no smoking in the platform so I just smoke at the edge where it's the street." I assume it happended but what if my mind/parts are just projecting this (I was also very intoxicated coming back from hanging out with a friend)

2. Second issue, I often time equate people and things to other people and things and get confused who I am with and what is going on. Example, yesterday I was with a friend I know well but haven't seen in a while and he got a new dog- his dog is almost identical to my other friend's dog who I see often. So I started calling friend A's Dog the name of friend Bs dog and for a second I think I even thought I was at friend Bs house.

These are just an example for each issue, I would really like to try and adress them as it comes up often and given my poor and fragmented memory I am sometimes not even aware or simply don't rememeber.

I also consume pot/booze (though I am making good progrogress to quit booze- ironically I am using more pot to compensate!)

Anyway, I'd appreciate feedback on either of these. Thanks to everyone if you reply I will read it but may be slow or forgetful to reply!

Not sure how to make it stop, but I get that a lot too. The way I think about things and the way I experience things seem to get confused. Like my brain processes what's going on outside and then tells me about it, so it all really happened inside my mind, even if it really happened outside. I'm not sure if this is making sense. Like watching a livestream of a livestream. And bits get added or ignored or changed, so it ends up being hard to figure out what's what and how accurate my memories are. I have on occasion thought I've done things I've only thought about, or thought others did things I evidently imagined, even to the point of thinking that I had heard them say something. (And so many times thinking, did they say that out loud? Was that in my head? Completely unable to tell the difference)

One striking example: A few days ago, I was visiting my parents. My father went to tell me something, and I smiled and said, "I know, you already told me." He just looked at me confused. My mother then said that, no, she was the one who had told me. "Oh, I thought dad had told me while..." I said, getting confused. No. My mother had told me that just an hour earlier while the two of us were doing something else, somewhere else. Confused, embarrassed, I quickly changed the subject.

I had the knowledge of the conversation. I knew a parent had told me. I thought I remembered the conversation, but as it turns out, I actually didn't remember any specific details of the conversation, at all, and my mind seemed to have compensated by just making it up.

So yea, I can relate. It's frustrating and confusing but you're not alone.

08uP wrote:Not sure how to make it stop, but I get that a lot too. The way I think about things and the way I experience things seem to get confused. Like my brain processes what's going on outside and then tells me about it, so it all really happened inside my mind, even if it really happened outside. I'm not sure if this is making sense. Like watching a livestream of a livestream. And bits get added or ignored or changed, so it ends up being hard to figure out what's what and how accurate my memories are. I have on occasion thought I've done things I've only thought about, or thought others did things I evidently imagined, even to the point of thinking that I had heard them say something. (And so many times thinking, did they say that out loud? Was that in my head? Completely unable to tell the difference)

One striking example: A few days ago, I was visiting my parents. My father went to tell me something, and I smiled and said, "I know, you already told me." He just looked at me confused. My mother then said that, no, she was the one who had told me. "Oh, I thought dad had told me while..." I said, getting confused. No. My mother had told me that just an hour earlier while the two of us were doing something else, somewhere else. Confused, embarrassed, I quickly changed the subject.

I had the knowledge of the conversation. I knew a parent had told me. I thought I remembered the conversation, but as it turns out, I actually didn't remember any specific details of the conversation, at all, and my mind seemed to have compensated by just making it up.

So yea, I can relate. It's frustrating and confusing but you're not alone.

Thanks for sharing! Yes it sounds almsot indetical. It's so frustrating confusing things and not being able to trust your own head.

The last part is so key. I can have knoweldge of many conversations I've had but cannot recall anything I said or was told. This is so scary sometimes.

The amount of mental fortitude I exert to try and maintain somewhat of a sane life is crazy and yet behind the curtain I am a jumbled mess and the fact some dont notice it at all is good and bad because, for instance, my family doesnt believe anything is wrong with me, but same time I somehow manage to hold down a full time job despite spending 3+ hours on transit daily (I have no recollection of 95% of my time spent on transit)

Ahhh why must we live such complicated and sad life