mad at our T

A couple of us are mad that our therapist was out of town this week. I think the older parts understand that she is deserving of a break and to spend time with her family, but Little and Amy are mad at her and can't believe she left us and don't understand that this is the attachment disorder and not something our therapist did on purpose.

How do I make the little ones understand this? I don't want to walk into therapy next week shut down and mad at our therapist.

hey oceanwaves people big and little

this is totally ok and normal. Of course you are mad! she went away. You can still feel mad but at the same time respect why she went away. Are you able to explore what is behind the mad? sad, loneliness, feeling forgotten or unimportant?

I think you should bring this to your therapist. She should be expecting that you or parts of you could be mad about the break. this is part of trauma work. What i have found helps if you are worried about shut down mode is to write out how you are feeling now, and bring it with you on paper. Then give it to her and she should read it out loud to validate all of your words. If this is too scary you can put instructions at the start like, please read it out loud, please read it to yourself, I am worried I will shut down. I am worried you will be mad. I am worried if I am mad you won't want to work with me.

These things are some of the most important parts of the work you will do with a therapist so be brave and bring them to the session and work through them. It is scary, it is hard But you T is expecting some of these things and will help you through them. Then the next time she goes away it won't be as bad. At the very least if you still feel the same way you will know you can talk to her about it.

And give your littles the biggest hugs you can and let them know that it is ok to be mad. Their feelings matter and are important. and the T will help them and you make sense of the feelings. And no one will get in trouble (if that is what they are worried about).

good on you for addressing this instead of pretending it is not happening.

Hi Oceanwaves,

Never letting anyone be mad at our T was like the BIGGEST mistake Host made. She's a really good T but we get mad at her anyway. That's just part of the deal. But Host is all about stuffing feelings because that's what hosts do. It totally shuts us down though. Our Littles get super scared of feeling angry so he has to show them they're not going to be punished for it. Sometimes that's seriously inconvenient for Host but he's trying to make that ok.

Maybe you can find a way for your Littles to be mad without hurting anybody. Samsland has good ideas about writing things down and taking it into therapy.

Iain

I agree with the others. talking about it is a really good way to learn from the experience and grow.

long term... we are working hard to have the littles attach to older members of the system instead of the T or any outside person.
usually the T will not be there for the rest of your life. then it is important to have each other. not needing the T to regulate you, like a baby would need a mother to regulate them, is an ultimate goal.
this is hard and it is a long-term goal, but it will prevent terrible heartbreak when therapy is over.

Our T tells it is ok to tell her about how we feel, no matter what it is. We have told her a topic she has brought up has made us feel fear/panic, that we feel our littles were stifled by the conversation deliberately, that we are scared, frustrated, or lost.

Her message is that even if SHE has done something to upset us we should be comfortable to say so. At times she has had to sort of drag it out of us while we are curled up in our chair clutching Duffy Bear (a clear sign of distress).

One time we broke down crying, saying we felt she wasn't listening to us and she was more than understanding.

When we talk openly about such feelings with her we invariably cry, but it is healthy crying and is, we suppose, a form of assertion, not strong point with us.

thinking of you and your littles and wondering if you are feeling better about your T being away?

SamsLand wrote:thinking of you and your littles and wondering if you are feeling better about your T being away?

We saw T today after two weeks away! It was glorious to see her! Thanks for thinking of us!

I am glad!

I realized after responding to your thread that I AM MAD AT OUR T.

I am not sure if it is because she is on her break. I am sure it has something to do with what happened last year. and along with some topics in other threads I realize I find it difficult to allow myself to express anger to someone in her position. She is not a caregiver, but for all intents and purposes, yes like a caregiver. I hate this about myself.

- i am positive this should be a colour but not sure which colour