Home life productivity

Hi,

I do pretty well for myself with work, the issue is it's at the cost of stress and aggravating other issues.

The host, or however you'd define the worker, checks out at the weekend when we're on our own. I can't talk and generally we end up having an anxiety attack of some sort, sleeping through exhaustion or just checking out and being in an inner space for a while. We try to do stuff - hobbies (making music), or chores but end up spaced out and frustrated.

In a 10yr relationship and this is an issue. The host will be around kinda when my gf is around and has to be but won't be otherwise. Actually its getting worse as we all come to accept ourselves as a system and, knowing the gf is accepting, they abdicate more or other parts present.

We find it really hard to stay grounded especially little parts who get anxious, upset or end up driving the agenda (likes us making cakes for example).

I read books about this, there's self help techniques in there but they all get forgotten when I'm not around.

Possibly this is basic stuff but any ideas to help?

Thanks!

another-place wrote: The host will be around kinda when my gf is around and has to be but won't be otherwise. Actually its getting worse as we all come to accept ourselves as a system and, knowing the gf is accepting, they abdicate more or other parts present.

We find it really hard to stay grounded especially little parts who get anxious, upset or end up driving the agenda (likes us making cakes for example).

The things that have worked for me:
1) Journaling, so that different parts can express what they need, and
2) Adjusting the day's activities to make sure everyone gets their needs met as fully as possible. This involves some negotiating and prioritizing, because there may not be time for everything that people want--some things may have to wait for another day.

It can be frustrating, because I was used to ignoring all those needs, and trying to blast through chores and "productive" activities, but that often meant a lot of wasted time and feeling depleted. Now, even though I don't necessarily want to stop at the toy store after I've had to buy a pair of shoes (to take an example from today), the promise to look at the toys (and maybe get one), made the shoe-buying go much more smoothly and be much less stressful. (Shopping is usually an activity that I dread and avoid as much as possible--probably because there are many parts that hate it. I just didn't realize that before). Or another example would be taking a half-hour to watch cartoons or a TV show that the younger parts like--then I can return to the necessary grown-up activities of the day without being sabotaged by a little or teen that is feeling neglected.

The irony for me is that I've just about finished raising three outside kids, with all the new-found freedom that's supposed to imply, only to find that there is a whole passel of littles inside me whose needs I now have to rearrange my days to meet.

to us that looks like you are pushing thru during the week and then all the collected stuff gets overwhelming on the weekends.
so our strategy would be to pull some of it into the week, spread it out over more days, with the result of moderate functioning at all times and less extremes.

we would see if we could work a little less. if you are being intentional about it, one hour less work a day and then using that time for taking care of the system would be enough to rock your world.

the next step would be to learn how to take better care of yourselves. simply "crashing" seems like an emergency solution that doesnt touch on the real needs, you are just shutting down to make it go away.

then you could figure out how to do this "taking care" WHILE you are working/ during your normal week, so you are continuely connected inside and things wont sum up anymore.

in short: be present with your selves during the week and you might be able to be present during the weekend.

Probably mix it up put a focus on relationship stuff television and books. Find ways to get into others relationship a way to construct it out of the others. Possible a dinner where you all are wondering about another cute couple in an unassuming way. Have a mate commentate a movie if it hard for concentration. I have problems watching movies, I have to do it as a system would at times. I have to make it personal before it keeps our attention. It is infuriuating because guys usually want to discuss film why the directors does certain things with those it choose for acting. It usually sends of on perilous need for knowledge has been been movies days discussed decided am I the one had say so. Try movie at night or in the morning anything to keep our attention in a chair close the television. I find a random set of terms that someone from deep from within cracks and wooahla i can finally tell it story line. Other than that it is classics I saw over and over.