Help, I'm Too Scared to Be an Adult (TW)

Hi, people.

I'm a "little" but I'm not posting in the Littles' thread because they don't want to answer serious questions there, and, well, this is triggering, too.

So, I want to know, I guess, if anyone else is/was a Little just because they are too scared to be an adult.

Trigger warning.
I was an adult alter until I found out a "scary old man" in our system had a crush on me and wanted to marry me. I'm a boy, so it REALLY scared me and I became a kid to cope. See, I was beefy and brauny as a man and that's what the old man likes so I think I'm safer as a kid, but I'm still so scared! When I think about this stuff, I cry.

That old man is still here in our system. He's watching me write this and he doesn't like what I'm saying and he won't go away! ... Okay, someone talked to him and he went away ... but I can't be sure he'll stay away.

Second Question: What do you do when someone in your system upsets you so badly you can't even function as an adult?

- Chicago

Hi Chicago.

I don't know. I'm not that big, but I'm a grown up man. I spend a lot of time taking care of what we call butterflies. Silly job for a guy, right?

But butterflies can be fragile. You can't touch a butterflies wings without it being damaged. And I keep that from happening. So even if I'm not huge and muscley I do the job.

Obviously you're much stronger than a butterfly. Is there anyone around that you know is a grown-up and not scared of the old man? Maybe if you hung out with him or her, you wouldn't feel as scared. Do you have a room or somewhere to go inside? He can't get in there. He can't.

You'll be ok.

-Ray

Ray, thanks for the encouragement.

Anyway, hi! I'm a lot better now, and I think my problems have been solved. Interestingly, the guy who freaked me out had already begun the process of integrating with another alter and I was either doing the same or hidding. The other day, a few of my others started to think about me, how, months ago, the "old man" (who was only 40, heh!) had scared me so badly that I couldn't stand to be an adult. (for sexual reasons, if you wondered). Then, the creepy guy sort of un-integrated and I guess I came out of hiding? So, there we were, facing off: I was angry with him and he was angry with me. We were dead-locked and nothing could be done to help us sort out the problem. It took days, but (by the grace of God and the answer to a prayer) we finally saw eye-to-eye enough to have a conversation. We reconciled.

Oddly, it turns out this guy who wanted me had faded so much during his process of integration that he was barely himself anymore: what I talked to was like a ghost; the rich personality he once possessed was gone. So, the person who scared me into prepubescence doesn't exist anymore! (Of course, I know better than to dance on a grave, so to speak. We should have got along just fine after our talk.)

So, I'm comfortable being an adult again. Just thought people should know.

- Chicago (but people call me "Chip" now. )

Truly_happy wrote:So, I want to know, I guess, if anyone else is/was a Little just because they are too scared to be an adult...

Second Question: What do you do when someone in your system upsets you so badly you can't even function as an adult?

- Chicago

To answer your first question; our littles are all afraid of adults and have no interest in 'growing up'. This adds a sort of challenge to our trauma therapy as they don't like the host but we have Pixie, who they will communicate with.

Second question: Our usual response is to retreat into a barely functional nonverbal state in which we can only hold Duffy and cry. OR, our littles (with the exception of Willow for the most part) retreat into inaccessibility and Mal, Niki, Mona, or Snow comes out. If we're really lucky Aloysius will come out and help us.